question for people who have been happily married 10 years or more?

Question

what is your secret/ if your marriage is good, how did you manage to keep it on track? i am newly married, but have been with him for 5 years. i am miserable though. i don't want to get into why. but i just want to hear about the successes. serious answers please.

Answer 1

i have been married now for 10 years, and i won't lie to you the first five years were really hard. just remember to always talk to each other when things are bothering you, do not let it blow up inside of you, and remember to make each other laugh. my husband i even go out for date nights once a month, out to dinner a movie and whatever. we are now more in love and happier than 5 years ago. it's a partnership, he laughs with me, and he feels my sorrow, goes out of his way to see my dreams come true and i support all his decisions about his job or his dreams. it's not about 50/50 it's always giving 100 percent all the time. hope this helps

Answer 2

I have been married for 20 years. Some years are tougher than others. Divorce is never used as an ultimatum. We don't use it and both feel it is not an option. Arguments are like storms and they pass. We realize that we can only control our own behaviors. So when others who don't have respect for marriage try to flirt with either of us ; we each are responsible for shutting them down. We also know that if either of us has it in our hearts to cheat that we will do it whether or not we are 5 minutes from home or 5 hours or whatever and there isn't anything we can do to stop it. So we have no choice but to trust each others commitment. This helps ALOT as I don't have to sit around every day worrying about this woman or that. We show each other respect in all things and when subjects too difficult to talk about arise we write to each other. Forgive and compromise when its possible. Some things are just not worth holding on to. We also allow each other personal space to pursue each others individual interests. We have 3 children and we let them know early on that we are also a couple and as such the marriage is always a priority. Our toughest marital years were the first 2 years, our 5th, 10th, and 13th. All due to having children and the overwhelming time it took away from "us" but it passed.

Answer 3

Darn, I don't apply, I've only been married, well, it'll be 2 years come February. I was miserable at one point & kept wondering if he was really "the one." I feel terrible to admit that but it's true. I honestly believe that the devil was just on my back though because lately I've tried to pick up on my faith & things have felt better & I'm not as depressed. I think part of it is because everything is always the same. Right now we are both working so much that it's always the same routine & it seems so, blah. A little change now & then makes things feel better. & like I said, I know I don't apply to what you've asked really but I wanted to put in my 2 cents & get my 2 points, lol. I hope you find some answers & I hope things work out for the best. Good luck!

Answer 4

I can say if you are miserable then fix it. Find your problem and fight it out until it is fixed. If you want to argue about something later, do NOT bring up the past. I've been with my husband 10 years. It hasn't always been pleasant but it's a good marriage. Anything can mess it up, stress, bills, house cleaning, etc. like I said, anything. Just have to keep in mind that you work together no matter how frustrated you get. Learn to lean on each other when things are tough and deal with things as a team not as an individual. Make sure you don't lose your way, be yourself but be kind to him and him kind to you. It's a 24/7 job but it can be done. Don't do the whole, you hurt me so I will hurt you worse. That will make you lose trust in each other real fast. Just be happy with each other no matter what. Yes, you can argue, that's normal, just make sure you fix it and move on. Don't ignore each other ever. There are so many things to say to make a good marriage, just treat each other like you're each others best friend because that's what you are to each other.

Answer 5

We are all in love when we get married, or at least i hope we are. But love is not a feeling, love is what you DO. We have been married almost 33 years and we have been through everything. Happiness, depression, boredom, indifference, hatred - all of it. Don't let anyone tell you that successful marriages never have trouble spots. those that make it are because the couple has honored it's committment. Sometimes i wanted to leave my hubby and sometimes he wanted to leave me, but we grew to know that feelings change. Love grows. If you do want to stay, DECIDE that you will. if you want tenderness - then give it. if you want excitement - then be exciting. Whatever you give away will come back. Be open, be honest, in a loving way, even when you are terrified that you will be rejected. fear will damage a marriage.

But we were successful because i believe God honors us when we decide to love. Marriage is hard, but it is wonderful. After 33 years it gets better and better. My hubby is my best friend and i would rather be with him than anywhere in the world.

Answer 6

Being happily married is actually not always being happy. Life is always ups and down.
Marriage as far as I have known and based on my own experienced have rocky roads every five or ten years or every ten years.. Five to ten years is the most challenging of all and it is always the rocky road..

But love, trust and confidence and of course a set of mind frame.. We asian marries for life and that thought is with us even before we found our partner in life.

In america it is different,, they are already looking forward to their next partner even before they get married (this may not be true to all, but even here in yahoo answers we can find so many of them,, more than those who want marriage for life)

And this mind frame makes us survive the rough road and that makes our married life happy.

At least there are more happiness than quarrels, and quarrels although they get rough sometimes,,, they can be patch up easily with one or the other making the first move to sincerely say sorry.

I think there is no secret to that happy married, you may not always be happy but you are most of the time happy with your partner and your children and better rewarding when you see your first grandchild.

That is where you can say,, you have been happily married..
Consistency, belief in your partner, trust and confidence, an open mind, a big heart and pure love for each other,,, which you seldom find now a days...where sex is the first thing people think of the opposite sex rather than love and that is why there are more sex act rather than lovemaking..

Answer 7

Hang with successful married couples so they rub off on you and you can see how they interact with each other. stay away from married couples that complain about each other. you'll find those flaws in your marriage and start failing right along with them. create memories by going out faithfully once or twice a week at least. RESPECT is the ultimate key to success here. Never degrade or put yourself above them..remember you walked down the isle beside them. laugh and have fun with your spouse. after all this is your friend for life. A friend you can also love. Good luck and I hope this helped.

Answer 8

No Lie Im going to hit my 10 years in March. and honey its def been a rollercoaster. We have had plenty of times that i didnt think we were gonna make it. You have to just keep putting one foot infront of the other. When you think its the worst possible time. STOP!!! Go back and remember a great time you two had together. Its hard to do but it got me through some tough times. Eventually you will remember that its not as bad as it may seem. And it might just save ya in the long run. For me it has always calmed me down in the heat of the moment. And i was the better one when i was able to take control on my actions and Level of my voice when i was the one to say "lets stop yelling its not getting us anywhere" After that You should feel very tall, i no thats how it makes me feel. Ya just gotta give it time.

Answer 9

My hubby & I are going on 11 years, our secret is that when we went into this, we decided that no matter what, divorce is not an option, like there just is no such thing. Without an easy out, you will work on things, or decide it's not worth fighting over. We haven't had but maybe one or two fights the whole time. Most couples fight most about money, so we make sure we don't overextend ourselves. What would you do differently if there was no other option than to stay together?

Answer 10

We just celebrated our 18th...I can tell you that you will go through alot of ups and downs. Marriage is not easy...there is alot of give and take. The best advice I can give is to love and respect each other and above all else....keep the lines of communication open. Just about every marriage that I have known has had "miserable" times, mine included. As long as there is communication in your relationship you can survive and get through just about anything. Stay strong and Good Luck to you.