My husband gets angry when I ask him things like what he is looking at on the computer. He said he doesn’t mind if I ask him what he’s doing, but he says I’m disrespecting him when I ask what is that, who is that from, what webpage were you looking at? I ask the same type of questions when he comes home from work, and he gets defensive to me. He seems like he does not want me knowing his business. He also does not like it when I repeat myself (I have autism) he tells me ok I heard you sweety, but I keep going. He gets mad and tells me I’m not respecting him because I'm not shutting up after he already told me he heard me. He is in the marine corp band, when at a concert I call his phone, if he does not answer I call the band hall and ask the duty what is going on but he says that I’m disrespecting him and keeping a tight leash on him. Am I disrespecting him? He is so angry and distance from me, what can I do? He sees these things as disrespect to him. Is he right about this?
2006-10-23 13:32:50 · 28 answers · asked by ilih2006 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Do men hate it when woman do this? Does it push them away?
2006-10-23 13:36:40 · update #1
YESTARDAY HE THREW OUT THERE THAT THEIR ARE PEOPLE OUT THERE WHO DO RESPECT HIM. WHY DID HE SAY THIS?
2006-10-23 13:40:06 · update #2
Yes, u are all up in his rear end and he can't seem to breath with u being there. U need to give him space and most of all, u need to trust him. Anyone would feel smothered if their partners kept on wanting to know what they are doing every minute, 24/7. It can get very irritating.
And yes, it will eventually push him away if u don't stop.
2006-10-23 13:39:24 · answer #1 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I don't know if you are disrespecting him, but I DO see you smothering him, trying to control him (by calling him all the time, always having to know where he is, what he's doing at home or away, etc), and don't seem to trust him at all. These things will push him away really fast. The sooner you stop, the better things will get.
You sound as if you need to learn to trust youself, have good self-esteem and good self-worth so you can trust him completely. Trust is a HUGE part of any relationship, especially a marriage. Stop calling him all the time. Stop obsessiong about where he is and what he's doing when he isn't right next to you. Stop asking him all the time what he is doing on the computer, etc. Find your own things to do to keep yourself busy that make you happy and content.
Once you are able to let go, not ask so many questions (especially over and over again, nagging him, smothering him), he will loosen up and be happy to tell you more things. As with anything else, all of this will take time (for you and for him). Maybe some couples counseling will help, as well as counseling for yourself to help with your self-esteem, self-worth, and control issues? It sure wouldn't hurt!
In the meantime, I would suggest you read a book called Stand Up, Speak Out, Talk Back. It really has helped me with my self-esteem and self-worth, and got me to see what boundaries were and what boundaries to set for myself and with others. Also get other books on self-esteem, self-worth, and learning not to control everything with everyone.
I realize that you have autism, but that is NO excuse to do the things that you are doing. You evidently are able to learn new things or else you would not be as high functioning that you are now. Sorry, but that is the truth. You are needing to learn NOT to use the autism as an excuse and learn how to do things the way they need to be done.
2006-10-23 20:52:22 · answer #2 · answered by honey 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all I'm sorry. I do not think that you are disrespecting him when you ask about the little stuff.Now calling the band hall, not neccessarily disrespectful, but unneccessary. He is doing a concert and he is busy. If you were at "work" you couldn't just start answering all your cell phone calls. I think maybe you ahould let him know, in a nice way, sorry just being curious. I used to do the same things you are and when I started leaving him alone he started telling me on his own. Now we have a great relationship. So unless there is a reason to ask Don't. Trust me it'll work. He'll start respecting you as well.
2006-10-23 20:55:52 · answer #3 · answered by micahwyatt01 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yes, you are disrespecting him.
May be, you are very suspicious
by nature.
Or he may be very intelligent as
compared to your wishdom.
He may be more mature and deep-
ly involved with earnings.
There is a problem of Inferiority complex
in you.
You are too demanding to know, when
he peeded last time.
If you continue doing this sort of things
he would surely leave you one day. If
you continue to suspect him, you will
become a patient of Mental Illness. I
would suggest that you visit a councellor
and tell him about your problems. You
will get correct advise. It seems you do not
believe any one talking bad about you.
If you do not trust councellor, them you
may invite hell for yourself.
Stop asking him questions at all and
get involved in food, love and romance,
with him, if you are able to do that, you
will get all the peace on the earth.
If possible (seems impossible- as per
your nature) ask him to pardon you.
PLEASE RESOLVE NOT TO ASK HIM
QUESTIONS AND DOUBT HIS INTEGRITY.
IF YOU CONTINUE TO DO THE SAME,
WHAT YOU HAD BEEN DOING, YOU MAY
LOOSE HIM FOR EVER.
2006-10-23 20:52:30 · answer #4 · answered by pianist 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't believe it is right. It's not like you are going on a rant and turning the computer off and screaming in his face. You're simply just asking. Plus, he should understand that you have autism. It's not right for him to scream at you knowing this. And about the concert hall, you are not disrespecting him, you are just worried and want to make sure he is ok. You go girl! Guys need to learn to understand this.
2006-10-23 20:56:06 · answer #5 · answered by Cindy 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i think you should respect his privacy a little more. My ex is in the marine corps and one thing you def. should NOT do is call his duty and find out what he is doing and what is going on... i would say that you do have a tight leash on him and need to let go a little. It sounds like you dont trust him... at all.... Why is that?
2006-10-23 20:46:31 · answer #6 · answered by kunehu 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Is it really important what he is looking at on the computer?
It is a little crazy that you call him while he is doing a concert. Give him a bit of space, not sure I would not call it disrespect, I would call it severely insecure. Try a hobbie of your own.
2006-10-23 20:47:58 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It just makes it sound like you're badgering him. If he feels you're being disrespectful, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks- it's how he feels. Don't disrespect him by denying him the right to his feelings. You're going to drive him away if you keep it up. He's a grown man, not your puppy dog.
2006-10-23 20:36:05 · answer #8 · answered by Violet Pearl 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
sounds to me like you don't have anything else to do maybe you need to get a hobby....you want to be so involved in what he is doing go out and find something to do and maybe what he is doing won't make you want to ask him all the time. I don't think it is disrespectful but probally annoying to him.
2006-10-23 20:41:34 · answer #9 · answered by christina c 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
at first i thought he was being a jerk but now i realise that you are nagging the poor man to death,my ex wife used to call me literally 30 40 times a day,everywhere i went,it smothered me and eventually it pushed me so far away that it was impossible to reconcile.
2006-10-23 20:36:56 · answer #10 · answered by seth s 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋