she got caught, marriage was in dumpster. We have decided to repair our relationship. things have gone quiet well. we still have not made love......getting close. any ideas on what feelings to expect??
2006-10-23 13:17:24 · 29 answers · asked by ateez9 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It'll probably be a little like getting in an accident. No matter how good they fix it up you'll always know your car's been damaged. If you can accept that forget it, carry on.
2006-10-23 13:43:01 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Resolving an issue such as yours is never easy and there are no simple solutions to erase the deed. But in order to proceed on with the relationship it has to be dealt with.
Why did your wife cheat, is what needs to be corrected in the marriage. Was it because you became so engrossed in your work that you didn't have time for her or simply because she wanted to see if the grass was really greener on the other side of the fence. The issues leading up to her indiscreation has to be dealt with and resolved regardless. A good therapist would be helpful or lay minister. I am thrilled to hear that you are going to work it out.
The question remains is can you forgive? It is going to be hard to forgive if you haven't really made up your mind to forgive. Spmetimes we try hard to forgive and we finally find out that we simply cannot forget. The affair always comes between you and your mate. Your not forgiving at all really, it's impossible to forget.
What's to be done about it, it can't be shrugged off as a simple matter, easily solved.
You cannot erase the past; shock treatment is out of the question,so what can be done? What's needed is a healing process, a healing to apply to the wound that will cure the infection and take out the pain. When the incident comes to mind, you don't have to relive it over again. What's past is past; it can't be undone. But the effect on you can be fantastically changed, by your forgiveness. Then and only then you will learn a tremendous lesson you would never have learned without the injury.
True forgiveness has wonderful healing powers. It restores eyesight; you can suddenly see yourself much more clearly. A person who can't forgive must be blind to his own faults. Like he has never done anything that needed to be forgiven. But when we truly see our selves, we discover that all of our lives others have been forgiving us. Every day our partner has been overlooking our faults we've hardly noticed. Then too, forgiveness lets us see our partner more clearly.
Unforgiveness distorts our vision and everything is out of focus. Faults are magnified out of proportion, while our good points are blurred into oblivion. But once we forgive, our vision is restored and our perspective comes back.
After all said and done, then and only then can the wound be healed. Until the rift is mended, forgiveness is not complete. Forgiveness is total acceptance. This includes acceptance of the injury and of the suffering and acceptance of the one who caused the suffering.
To forgive is to give oneself, asking nothing in return. It is to love where to hate would be the natural response. It pardons the one who deserves only punishment. It frees him from the burden of guilt.
I truly sincerely hope that you can mend your rift. God Bless.
2006-10-23 14:25:49 · answer #2 · answered by trieghtonhere 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you may feel a bit insecure and wondering if she's thinking of her last lover. Forgive her. Talk with her. Communicate and tell her your fears and concerns. Give her another chanch and try and just love her in the moment and put all thoughts of who she was with out of your mind. If it is mutual that you both want to work things out, then wipe the slate clean, start over, forgive, and just love her like you did the first time you made love to her. be intuitive, loving, and connect on a deeper level.
2006-10-23 13:33:24 · answer #3 · answered by Nose 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
yes, the feeling of being awkward and a little self conscious because she might of left you becasue there might have been something wrong with you or somehting she didn't like about you. But communication is the best remedy talk about why she cheated on you and make sure she promises to not cheat on you becasue if she does then she isn't faithful and I don't think anyone no matter who they are or what they did deserves to be cheated on.
2006-10-23 13:21:44 · answer #4 · answered by dm 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why are you still with her? Once a cheat always a cheat there is NEVER an excuse to cheat? You shouldn't even be sleeping with her and if you do I would make her go get tested cuz who knows how many times shes done it before...the times she didn't get caught? And would she have even told you if she didnt get caught. Stop and think about all this before you go and sleep with her again.
2006-10-23 13:25:17 · answer #5 · answered by littlemama 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
well if you have any doubt then you should not go along with it becouse then every thing gets ugly and the suspition enters your head if you were good or not and then your always gonna wonder if she is going to cheat again. and that thought never leaves once you have been betrayed by any one close to you. the trust will never be the same as at the first or the relation ship...
2006-10-23 14:52:47 · answer #6 · answered by wendy p 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow that is tuff.. you are going to have to decide in your head if you are going to be able to forgive her or not.. that is the first and most important step. it is going to definitly take some time to heal and she shouldn't expect you to just be able to do it.. the mood and the romance is going to have to be perfect the first time so it is more of a love making session than a you know what.. you will want it to be special cuz it is going to be like the first time all over again.. good luck
2006-10-23 13:21:44 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
though it's going to be difficult, you need to remind yourself that you did forgive her and that both of you are trying to work this out together. keep talking and listening to each other. let her know you are worried about what to expect. then again, maybe once you two are really getting into each other, these worries will go away while you are wrapped up in the heat of the moment. lots of luck!!
2006-10-23 13:24:32 · answer #8 · answered by Karen M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can't imagine what it would be like....after a heartbreaking thing like infidelity...
I'd take some time.
It's going to be hard not to think of what she's done. But if you're going to reconcile....then you need to understand that there are going to be some very real and serious feelings going along with every aspect of your "new" relationship.
Good Luck.
2006-10-23 13:20:53 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are a wonderful man for forgiving her. She will realize what a mistake she made with the other guy, and her love for you will come out in her love making.
Take some vitamins and eat your Wheaties!
2006-10-23 13:20:59 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋