should i forgive can i forgive. he said it was just sex. we had not done it in 8 months and our relationship was bad.. he is desperate for us to stay, can it ever work
2006-10-23 12:44:22 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If you stay together, make him get a full battery of STD tests. There's no reason for you to subject yourself to what could be a chronic illness. You should also get yourself tested.
With three young children, why was he away long enough to even have an affair? He should be spending time with you and the kids. It's something he should want to do and not out of a sense of obligation. Without that, sex or no sex, the relationship isn't worth saving.
You could try counseling, but it's much more important for the two of you to spend time talking to each other - honestly and with candor. It's a difficult thing, but if you're both open to it you can overcome an affair.
Good luck.
2006-10-23 13:01:50 · answer #1 · answered by kransdorff 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Does the fact that it was just sex change infidelity? Would you be any more or less upset if he'd also had feelings for that woman? I doubt it. In any event, you have to decide what is right for you, and to a lesser extent your children.Sticking it out only for them may have disatrous effects on you emotionally, so don't feel as if you're trapped because they need a real family with both parents together. If you and your husband support each other even though it's over your girls should be fine in the end.
If there was something wrong with the marriage at that time, then there probably still is, and for some reason the sex he had with the other woman had to end. So you really need to figure out if what brought this on can be worked out. Definitely counseling. I don't think there's any reason not to at least try once if he's willing and you are, but you may find as you work on it that it is really broken. You may find you can't forgive. You have to be able to totally put it behind you, which means you don't bring it up in arguments and you don't harbor resentments if you said you'd move on.
In the back of your mind you have to wonder if he will do this again, and that's a trust issue. If you can't trust him it will have an effect on every part of your marriage, so you both need to know what you face going into this, and seriously consider counseling.
2006-10-23 20:31:46 · answer #2 · answered by Chris 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
o:k so far every woman has told u to leave your husband. Honestly if this is a serious question. You shouldn't listen to what anyone have to say. Some answers Will cause you to think the worst . And right now your mind is your enemy. Take time to yourself to think. If you love your husband think of things that made you love him. Also think about what you don't like about him. We all know the situation can't be changed, but you have the power girlfriend to make changes. You said yourself it was going go. Now you have his full attention, you both can re-start togather. If not you can give it all up, and just so u know guys really suck now. So I know u feel if u forgive him, or even just be nice to him it feel unfair.Is he worth it? I tell you what ask yourself. If it was u , would u want ur husband to forgive you.
2006-10-23 20:09:03 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would suggest marriage counseling ASAP. If this marriage is ever going to work, you need counseling. Forgiving is a MUST but the forgetting is going to be the hardest part. Once that trust has been broken, it's hard to trust again. But if this is something you believe in your heart that you want to try, then definitely go together to a marriage counselor.
It takes 2 committed people to make a marriage work. Don't stay together for the kids. If you're going to work on this marriage, do it for you and your husband.
Good luck!
2006-10-24 08:42:54 · answer #4 · answered by jazz_lover_25 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What made him stop? It seems that if there is stress at home, men fine a less stressful relationship, just for sex. I know this because mine had an affair. I would forgive him but I would make damn sure "she" is out completely. Any contact at again time, ends things for u. Is he staying for you and the girls or just the girls!!
2006-10-23 19:55:29 · answer #5 · answered by gotlife2live 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would say do what is best for the kids but you ahve to think about yourself too. I know I still cant get over what my husband did and it wasnt anything near that bad. Its not just a matter of forgiving but also letting go. Just think about what is best for you and your kids. I would be afraid that it woud happen again and I wouldn't want to not be able to trust my husband for the rest of the marriage.
2006-10-23 19:54:33 · answer #6 · answered by BJTD 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Run don't walk to a marriage therapist. Tell him that if he is really serious about saving your marriage he will go with you. You need to make sure that both of you have worked to save your marriage. That you've given it your all. Because if you don't your little girls will look at you one day and ask why you divorce daddy and you'd better be able to say. That daddy did something that mommy didn't like and we tryed to work on the marriage to save it but couldn't do it. You'll have peace knowing that you did try everything to save the marriage. If this is the only time husband has done this and he hasn't be abusive to you. I'd try to save the marriage. It can be saved but you both will have to work at it. Many a marriage has survived something like this but both people did have to work at it to do that. Best of luck. My parents never did work at their marriage and all that taught me was to bail when you really have to work hard at something. Not the best thing to teach a child.
2006-10-23 21:03:04 · answer #7 · answered by PAT K 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's going to take time and a lot of work but if you think you can forgive him and you love him give it a try. At least you can say that you tried even if it doesn't work. Good Luck
2006-10-23 20:32:04 · answer #8 · answered by Sexy-n-Hot 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he would not give any in 8 months and wnet to another woman than I would sat your love/sex life is over.
I could forgive the affair better is he had regular sex with you.
ditch the *****, before the witch gets pregrant with him. H eisn't worth it.
2006-10-23 19:55:47 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
no you shouldn't forgive an you should not stay together because of the kids. i have heard it all now! you do what is in your heart , if you feel you can't then don't ...you don't have to live with a cheater! he will just go out again an do this to you all over again. he will never confess to it again , he will be as sneaky as a snake in the grass! if you do have this in your heart to try again , good luck because it will be a constant thought for you daily. you can forgive him but you never forget this! good luck...
2006-10-23 19:52:20 · answer #10 · answered by ~just_jd~ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋