This was my last day of fourth grade. It started as an usual kind of day at elemantry school. We did our morning work for a little while. After we finished the odd movie: Rats. Through out the long year, the class collected red tickets that are given from our mexican teacher if you behaved good. The tiny tickets would get us candy that is very sour. I had 42, but it turns out I found another hidden in my dust-filled desk. At recess, me and my playful friends were playing the finale of my great creations: Adventure Kids 2! The ending was excellent, Lennin had one live left and got rid of the powerful wizard! I then gave Lennin and my best friend a Sour Power (candy that I won from my tickets). One of my dear friends:Juan Orozco, was sadly sick. After recess, we a had wonderfully fun! Only did it not when two other friends stole my tasty candy. Then my teacher challeged the whole class to fast race. Kurtis(from the class) thought he’d beat her but only ended up in dead second. I came in fifth and my friend:David Hines came in eigth.
This was a huge one that my heart was racing:Report Cards. Turns out if you read this you’d know I passed? Yes, I actually forgot my scary scores but I did pass! The last expierence of being a fouth grader ended and after school my mom and me went to Chuck E. Chesse. My unforgetable friend Khyber couldn’t come.
My niece went with me instead, I only used 10 tokens and it wasn’t the best visit. Alex fell into her baby sleep as my mom drove her back to her babysitter. Afterwards when I check the mail, three of my subscription’s magazines came in! Others were letters. In the dim night, my dad gave me my surprise for passing my latest grade. Yu-Gi-Oh magazine that shined a bright silver shade. Also I got a Winnie The Pooh kite that still today, haven’t used.
Lastly, I was expecting a Battleship game. My parents thought I was getting terribely sick. My mom checked and got a shocking answer of 98.7. The day before I was sick. My temperature lowered down thankfully and I fell on my comfy pillow at a late midnight.
2006-10-23 12:34:42 · 6 answers · asked by Anthony 4 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Polls & Surveys
I'm in 8th now.
2006-10-24 07:19:33 · update #1
wow..thats nice have you considered writing a book?
trisha
2006-10-23 12:39:11 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I teach writing at a university in Japan and I'll tell you what I tell my students. All stories need a balance of three things:
narration
description
dialog
Your story seems to be only narration. Add description to make the story come to life, and add dialog so that the reader can hear the voices of the characters.
I am afraid that is all I can do for you with this medium.
2006-10-23 19:40:48 · answer #2 · answered by Expat 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Nice composition, it describes how the last day of your fourth grade went through. Well, you can express very well your thoughts, however, there are mild errors in spelling and grammar which are also important factors to consider in a story or essay writing. You should also consider adding more adjectives to stimulate the imagination of your readers
2006-10-23 19:52:47 · answer #3 · answered by sheikaella 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Wow, that is quite a story!
2006-10-23 19:40:57 · answer #4 · answered by Tony M 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
interesting thats really dramatic
2006-10-23 19:37:09 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
youre in fourth and using yahoo answers.......Youre so cute and adorable!! enjoy your childhood while you can
2006-10-23 19:40:22 · answer #6 · answered by Dark Angel 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋