Serious Problem (Kinda Long)?

Question

Just recently, I made a gossip website and talked about stuff that was going on at my school and I wrote really bad things about this girl. I used a private screen name and didn't use her name, but used a nickname (it was really easy for ppl to figure out who it was). Anyways, she is showing me how to do the announcements in the morning and since we get up to the floor with the lockers and the classrooms l8r, she told me to come over to her locker and she said something like, "I know it was you. Everybody's been telling me it was you." When I denied it, (again, I've got a problem with admitting my sins) she just said "Don't lie. I know it was you. Who else would it be? Is there another (my name) in the school? After this whole announcements thing [it lasts a week] I don't want to hear about you ever again." I feel SO bad for what I did. Admitting what I did is not an option in this situation. I want to know how I can cope with with what I did. It's always on my mind. Do I just ignore?

Note: This girl is very popular and can make anybody's knees shake when she's talking to them. She can be really scary and she's a real *****. Help! My friend said I should ignore it. My other friends are A+ students like me and don't want anything to do with me.

Answer 1

I got a similiar problem to you. one involving a girl (used to be a close friend) who talks with me with words that would strip me of my selfesteem. and she's best friend with my cousin who doesnt respect me that much either.

I emailed her on what she did to me hurt me really badly and i'm willing to forgive her to be friends again. but she like ignore me hardout when i(purposely) sit behind her in the lectures. she even talk to my cousin really loudly in front of me which to me means (I see you but i'm treating you like you are not there) and worst, when they left, my cousin didn't even say good bye to me. so he's on her side which really affects my feelings alot, i couldn't get it out of my mind.

if i could turn back time, i wouldn't write her an email. i'd just let what she said go. so that when she comes talk to me, i'd talk to her nicely. taking caution that she might hurt me, or she might have changed.

As for you and me....what We've done, we've done. The damage is there and cannot be undone. Just acknowledge it and never take such impulsive and careless mistakes again. I think its very easy to open up a blog and pour out what you feel like saying to the world out there about this Biitchy person and how she's treating you (my cousin does it all the time.. even if he doesn't use names) but it can have severe consequences. esp if that person you are talking about is a little nutso.

The second step is focus on getting the thoughts and disabling feelings out of your head:- i read this book by Wayne Froggatt on 'choosing to be happy' and he said, sometimes it is not the event that caused our emotions. its the events that caused our thoughts and its our head that read how the event is and tell us how to feel. Different people think differently and so, different emotions are generated.

Remember this phrase:
"people don't have to change their behaviour to suit me."

its true, although i have to admit i sent her the email because i love myself too much to let her hurt me and disrespect me like that. But in this world, everyone can say anything to you if they want. Will you really let ignorant people hurt you like this? i looked at my past and see how much energy i'm wasting on some one who doesn't treasure me as a true friend anyway by swearing about her and talking her bad to my close friends.
now its not worth it anymore. I rather let her words go and do something else more productive to improve myself and this world.

When you have got the "but she's wrong" frame of mind out of your head, there are 2 options you can take.

1) Admit to her that you did it and it was wrong and you wanted her to forgive you:

i remember when i was 13 years old, (i'm 19 now) i said something bad about my best friend, i knew i was wrong as no one liked to be talked about that way, so i wrote her a letter with my sincere apology, why i did it (if appropriate to you) and i'm very sorry. and immediately giving her the letter, she stopped ignoring me and turn around to hug me. (but my situation might be very different to yours. i don't know what relationship you have with his girl... since she helped you with the annoucement thingy.. i suppose you guys do talk and all).

2) if it wouldn't cause you too much heartache and you can't say out all the right words infront of her, you can go to the website, edit the page where you gossiped about her and write "page deleted." Add in a new page that has your sincere apology on it so that everyone can see and that you are owning up responsibility for your action so that people can trust you again.

3) OR... you can write her a letter and let her read it infront of you. Why do it infront? because it wouldn't create an effect of "too afraid to face her" for the both of you. Reading the letter infront means there's no choice and all the facts will have to be straightened and dealth with on the spot where no one would "i'd do it later" thing. I don't think she'd run away after reading your letter cuz i think she's the kind of person who dare to face her problems. like what you said above, she said its you infront of you.

you don't have to go out of your way to avoid her, that just shows her how scared of her you are. instead, just act normal and smile if appropriate when you see her if things aren't going as smoothly as expected after the apology.

Good luck. i know how energy sapping these things can be. but just remember the Phrase.

Answer 2

Bad news, man. You can't control her. You can't just tell her what she's going through is a phase. You may believe it and maybe deep down she does too, but...well, you can't tell her she's making a mistake. By the way, how "long distance" is this relationship? Like is she in a different county or a different state or halfway across the country? It sounds like you just have a phone relationship but there is very little detail regarding this. Trust me, it matters. Can you guys just be friends for awhile? I have had relationships where I was too in love with the person to be "just friends" so I painfully had to let them go. If you love her, let her go, whether it is letting go of the romantic feelings or letting go of her entirely. I need a few more details.

Answer 3

Ive done this sort of thing but in a different way and I know how you feel. Its nice sometimes to talk about those b*y girls until we get caught. I know it sucks right now with everyone mad at you and its always on your mind but the best thing to do is apologize to the girl and move on. Its in the past and noone can change it and you obviously dont like this girl and dont want to keep a friendship with her so say sorry and move on with your life. We cant change out mistakes we can only keep going with our lives.
Hope this helped! Good luck :]

Answer 4

Hmmm

I say if you really feel bad and want to make amends: apologize: only if you want to though!

If shes a real B_ _ _ _! Then just stay quiet, deleted the website: or just delete that section of the website.

You feel bad why? because she found out, or because some of your friends arent talking to you.

I understand that you feel bad because you was "found out", but that was a possiblity and you have to stand up to the choices you make even if the out come is horrible.

Just remove what you said about her and focus on trying to talk to your friends again. If they are you real friends......

Talk to the popular girl if you want to really feel free of your guilt, only if you know she wont be nasty to you when you talk to her about it.

I hope you feel better

P.S. your friends arent friends if they stopped talking to you!

Answer 5

If your mates dont want to know you theyre not true friends.
Just stay out of this girls way, be nice though when you see her. Get on with your studies, theyre more important in the long run. Half the people you go to school with you dont end up seeing once youve left so who cares what they think.
Just dont gossip anymore, its always bad. You could always turn you website into something else, thats not going to hurt anyone.

Answer 6

First off delete the website, spreading lies about people is never right.

Personally I think an apology to the girl is in order regardless of what it does to your social status because if she already knows it is you she's going to make your life miserable anyway apology or no.

You need to own up for what you did and if you can't than tough I'm not going to give you validation that what you did was ok.

Answer 7

do not ignore. do not fight with her. talk to someone to get it all out because it does actally help. u should just say sorry, and dont be afraid of her. if she doesnt accept it, dont worry. it's her problem now. that way, you've already said sorry and admitted that you feel bad about what happened. then, let her be the one that decides. but meanwhile, dont let her get to you.

Answer 8

this is really tricky. you dont want to admit you did something wrong to her...-__- well..i think she'll move on with her life sooner or later..however i think you should apologize. If you feel bad, you should at least say sorry. she might ***** at you for a while, but later you will feel better.

Answer 9

you are a piece of work and a coward.you talk ill of some one than you are too weak too take responsibility for your actions.you want to end this drama than tell the truth and apologize with your big mouth.

Answer 10

what you need to do to get over what you did is accept the fact you did something really wrong and try to talk to her and try to show her how sorry you are if you really are sorry if it doesn't fix the problem it will make you feel better

Answer 11

delete the website, and just lay low for a while.... the drama will settle down in like a week............. pretty soon things will go back to normal