My little sister who is 17 years old and still looks like she is 12 is 6 weeks pregnant. She is in the 11th grade and was so into school until this boy came along. He is 19 and he is a drug addict. Everyone knows he does pills. She is a good girl and the worst she has done is smoke pot (she dosent now) but as her older sister and our mother both feel like she is not ready to be a mom and all of that that comes with it.
I had my baby at age 21 and it was hard. I couldn't even imagine at age 17. Our mom got pregnant at 16 but done a good.very good job with all of us. (She had seven kids)
If you knew my sister and how she still looks like a kid you would say it is a shame she is pregnant. She is in shock about it. I feel in my heart that my sister is wishing this wasn't happening to her. I know she should have been careful but i feel like that guy talked her into to and got her like that on purpose.
We think she should have an abortion. I haven't talked to her yet about it. Should I
2006-10-23 12:12:37 · 34 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
She has her whole life ahead of her. Why should she have to do this just cause he is happy with it? She seems that she isn't happy.
And no abortion isnt murder cause if it was a doctor wouldnt do it.
How can we talk about people tthat have had abortions? Until the day we have to walk a mile in their shoes then we would might know what its like to have to choose.
So no rude remarks
2006-10-23 12:15:14 · update #1
I was saying Murder cause that is how everyone on here that is against abortion say. If she gave the baby up for adoption then she might as well keep it. None in our family has had an abortion or givin a baby up to someone else.
2006-10-23 12:30:25 · update #2
i cannot force her or anyone to have an abortion. But i know my sister and i know she isnt happy about this. I think she is wanting someone to talk to her about this. I have mentioned it to her and asked her when she found out if she wanted it and she said (I dont know) so i think she isn't too happy. She was on birth control pills but then missed 3 and quit taking them so i think her b/f purposely got her pregnant. You know how you fall for stupid things guys say when you are young when it comes to sex? I think she didn't mean to get that way. Don't judge people. I am not either i just know she will regret it and him later on
2006-10-23 12:43:41 · update #3
to it'smemim: My mom chose to have a large family. She is a wonderful mom.She and my dad have been married for 34 years and never once did we go without anything.
And as far as you saying i have a kid, I am 27 years old, married with a 5 year old son and he was planned for your information. We can take care of our own. Do you even have kids yourself?
2006-10-23 15:00:16 · update #4
I agree..she needs to get an abortion. she is too young and she still needs to live life before settling down to raise another human being. I was 25 when i had my first and i still was not ready...I can not imagine at 17. kids are hard work. They come first, they rule when they are born!!! My sister at age 32 was pregnant with her 2nd child but got an abortion as her husband lost his job and she does not regret doing that cuz now her and her husband are stable, bought a beautiful home and now have 2 kids. Tell her there will be plenty of time to have another kid when she is older and more stable and hopefully married with a great husband.
2006-10-23 12:17:33 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 8⤋
I'm sorry your sister is having to face these kinds of things while she is still young. It is important that she not feel like her life is over, as this is just one mistake. A hard lesson to learn, but not something that can't be overcome.
I can't in good conscience recommend an abortion. You may not feel like it is murder, but there is no telling how your sister may feel about it. You are able to write this today because your mother chose not to abort you, and even admit she has done a good job with all of you. So you already know it's not the end of the world to be young and pregnant. But the main reason I would suggest you not push your sister into the decision is that no matter what you say before, your sister is the one who will have to deal with the stress and guilt after an abortion is done. She may well even end up resenting the two of you for pressuring her into the decision, because both you and your mom had your babies. It is a hard thing to face, pregnancy at 17, and I'm sure she is wishing she had made other decisions. But that's not really the issue anymore. She is, and she needs help, support and love from the both of you to make it through the prenancy. Then if she feels she isn't ready and able to be a mother and raise the child, she can give it up for adoption. You have no doubt given your mother great joy in life, because she chose to give you life, and that is exactly what your sister can give to a family without children. Or she can decide that she does want to raise it. The decisions are hers to make, though. You should offer her support in whatever decision she makes, and not push her to have an abortion because it's what you think will solve the problem. The abortion will only eliminate the child she carries, it won't do anything to eliminate the guilt and sorrow she will feel afterwards. Or the resentment if she feels like it was the only decision you were willing to support and she was pushed into doing it.
Physically, if she is capable of getting pregnant she is quite capable of carrying the pregnancy to term. In the meantime she will need all the love and support she can have around her to help. Once the child is born, if she truly feels she can't match the needs of parenthood, then let her give the child up. But don't push her into an abortion just because you don't think she's ready. She is your younger sister, but she's not a baby herself anymore. What she needs is your love and support during the difficult days ahead, not your judgement over her fitness to be a mother. She might just surprise you, and you may find she is more than a match for the challenge of motherhood.
2006-10-23 12:40:36 · answer #2 · answered by The mom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would be reluctant to recomend an abortion to a girl so young. Understandably it is a scary situation, but I would tread lightly. You have to considera few things. One, this could be physically damaging to her if she is looking to get pregnant at any point in the future. The other thing you will need to think about is how is this going to affect her psychologically. I understand she is not ready for motherhood, but to live with the fact that she "murdered" a baby because of some bad choices may never leave her.
What a difficult decision. I wouldn't wish that on anyone. I guess my advice would be not to make any hurried decisions. Though it may seem bad now and may be challenging, think how much more challengin it could be if she let's go of this little life.
Good luck, and I wish the best for all of you.
2006-10-23 12:42:03 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow this whole situation is a tough one. I ride the fence on this, because I am very PRO-CHOICE. I really feel that the choice should be hers, but at the same time I think she really needs to weigh the options of what is best.
SOOOO to answer your question: I would say yes talk to her about her options. She needs to take a step back and think about where her life is going to be in 5 or 10 years if she chooses to go through the pregnancy. I had an abortion when I was 18. I was in a really bad place in my life and things were horrible. I chose to abort. Six months later I joined the Air Force. Two years later I was wiser, a bit more grown up, and I had more of a stability than I had at 18; I got married and had a child. Now here I am 10 years after making my choice, I'm still married, I have 3 beautiful sons and I am expecting my 4th in May, and I now take part in a women's health advocacy group called NARAL. I have NO regrets about my choice. When my children are teenagers I have every intention of telling them what I chose to do and why. I want my children to know that I support choice: whether it's to go through with a pregnancy and keep the child or give it up for adoption, or not to go through a pregnancy and have an abortion.
I think right now your sister is going to need a lot of support and the facts about what to expect regardless of what her decision might be.
Before considering an abortion she needs to weigh what is in her best interest:
*** If she chooses to keep the pregnancy:
~ Is she ready to give up all of her free time, her friends, going on dates and other things that kids her age are doing?
~ What doors are now going to be closed to her, because she has a child? (Despite what some people think, once a woman has a baby, it is REALLY hard to continue an education or find substancual work to support a family.)
~ How is she going to support the child?
~ How is she going to pay for the hospital, all the doctor's visits for her and the baby? (Once she gives birth, most insurance companies will not cover her if she is solely covered by your parents' insurance.)
~ Is the father a reliable person that she would be willing to trust leaving her child alone with him?
~ What kind of family does he come from? Will there be any support from them?
~ What kind of life is the child going to have in dealing with the father and his family?
------I'm sure these may seem like harsh questions, but they are things a lot of girls forget to consider.
***If she chooses to abort:
~ Is this something she can just walk away from, without regret?
~ If she has regret, is she going to be willing to cope with it?
~ Will she dwell on her choice as a loss?
~ Can she do this without blaming her loved ones?
~ Will she blame her loved ones for her choice? And if so why?
~ What opportunities will she now have available to her?
-------As a woman who made this choice, all that I ask of you (her very devoted sister) is that no matter what she decides, that you are supportive even if you don't approve.
Good luck to you and your family
2006-10-23 17:12:18 · answer #4 · answered by Just me.... 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you should not talk to her about abortion. this should not even be an option. i know she is young and is still in high school, but she would be intentionally killing another human being, which is murder. life starts at conception not birth.
i am 21 and i just had a baby three months ago. i was surprised when i found out that i was pregnant, but i never ever considered abortion. i considered it a miracle. even though i am going to have to wait a while to finish my senior year of college i feel that i got pregnant when i did for a reason, God's reason. He has plans for us that we wouldn't even think about.
sometimes i wonder what life would have been like if i would have finished school first, but i wouldn't change things if i could.
what if your mother had decided to abort you. what if you had aborted your baby. could you imagine life without him/her?
i know that it is hard to have a baby when you are young, but your sister can do it and will go on to do great things if she wants to.
she doesn't need anyone talking to her about killing her baby, she needs to be loved and hugged and supported right now. be there for her because that's what she needs the most. maybe adoption could be an option.
2006-10-23 12:53:04 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
my younger sister fell pregnant at 17 too, and i was so disappointed and angry at her, when she told me we had an argument about it.
she had gone to bundaberg in Queensland to see our family met a guy and he got her pregnant, i live in sydney so hearing over the phone she was pregnant after a month to some guy no one even knew totally upset me.
2 years later my sister is back in NSW with her beautiful daughter and her fiance (the guy that got her pregnant) and they are doing a great job at being parents i am proud of them. now i am pregnant due in 3 weeks and i get great advice from my sister.
i think your sister needs support from you wether u believe she should keep the baby or not. she might be 17 but this is her decisionand she could be a great mum.
just help her out. abortion is not always the answer and i do know that i have been there for my sister when she had to make a choice with her second pregnancy.
anyway my advice is dont try to make the decision for her let her choose what she wants to do and just help her and support her when she needs you.
as a family all you can do is love on another!!!!
2006-10-23 12:23:56 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
In my opinion I think she should know the options, keep it, give it up for adoption or have an abortion. But she needs to know more than the options, she needs to know how each one of them affects her and will affect her future.....such as having an abortion, there are emotional problems, etc., giving up for adoption.....will she regret it later, etc.......and then keeping the baby....well that situation is just kind of obvious. But she needs to know everything with a large amount of details. Then she should make her decision......whatever you do don't say anything that's offensive that you will regret and she'll hate you for, such as saying you hope she has an abortion. As your mother, so you probably wouldn't say that and you know what it's like so you can give her tips if she decides to keep it.
p.s. I know a woman who had her first child when she was 14.....the boy is now 17 and better than ever. It can be done, of course it'll be hard, but with enough support it will work out okay.
2006-10-23 12:21:57 · answer #7 · answered by shontai 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that you should consider other options besides abortion. But abortion might be the best thing for a young girl considering the difficulties that the birthing process might give her. It could be fatal......but If this father is so horrible she should either put it up for adoption or get an abortion like you want. If the child would have a bad life you would be helping it. Raised by a drugy and a young mom would make things very difficult for her. But i think you should talk to her about it....see what she thinks
2006-10-23 12:20:42 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Your right in saying that your Mom did a good job with you children. As it is obvious that your a good sister you care about her. I know how you feel as I was in the same place many years ago. However I'm a brother and my sister had a healthy little boy. Although things were different as she was married to a looser.
You should speak to your sister and let her know what her opsions are. Try and remember what she is feeling not what you and your family are feeling. That is most important it should make her feel better about talking to you. If she first is combative remember she is most likely thinking everyone is mad at her. That her and her boyfriend are the only two people on the planet that know what they are going through or what they want. Try to put yourself in her shoes.
I think this is the time for her to deside what kind of future she wants for herself or for herself and her baby. In as kind of a way as you can explain to her what her life will be like if she keeps her boyfriend and her baby. It takes two when all the time to make a relationship work out and I mean all the time.
You may want to point out that some members of the family may not want to help her out. It will make her feel shund by those members of the family. Also remind her that after she finishes school collage etc. that if her boyfriend if he is any kind of a good guy that he should have bought a house and be saving for their future.
Please remember to be kind to her as you talk to her so she won't become combative. I wonder what kind of a life he can afford for her and a child? Is he willing to stay home with his child while she finishes school or while she is in collage. How much help is he really going to be?
she has a very important thing to do as she will have to live with the fact that she had given up on a new life. You should point out that she can have more children in the future and most first pregnatcies end with a miscarage. You can explain to her that when her friends are out having fun she will be home with her baby. She is giving up a lot for motherhood.
If she is like you and your family she will make the right choice as long as you don't argue as that will only drive her into his arms faster. True love stands the test of time it would be interesting to see if he would be true to her and wait for her. Then spend the rest of their lives together. I should tell you that I have been married for over 30 years...As true love stands the test of time. I wish you, your sister and your family the best...Good luck with your sister...P.S. sorry for missed spelled words as spell check isn't working...
2006-10-23 13:10:29 · answer #9 · answered by cape nut 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hey,
I hope that I ain't sounding rude but I was 19 when I got pregnant and everyone thought I was 12 with the way I looked!!! I didn't have no job, no money, live with my parents and I kept my baby....I was so scared at first until I called my sister, (thankfully she didn't think like you) she told me that I should tell my parents and not to do anything stupid such as abortion!!! Which I would never have done in the first place to me it's wrong....People who has an abortion shouldn't spread their legs in the first place, b/c they have a 50/50 chance in getting pregnant...I also agree with the others about butting out of her business.....Are you going to be the one that goes through the pain, or take care of the baby, or raise the baby? No, she is the MOTHER and it is her decision!!!! I think you would be wrong to talk to her about an abortion, you might hurt ya'll relationship!!! B/c she will probably think that you don't care about her or her baby!!! So give her great advice about you know she will be a good mom, don't cut her down!!! I know if my sister would think like you, we wouldn't be close sisters!!! I wouldn't ask for any advice if she told me something horrible like killing my baby!!!!
2006-10-23 12:42:03 · answer #10 · answered by afinechic_2000 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Let me start by stating that I am pro-choice. I think you should definitely talk with (not to) her about it. But, please keep in mind that having an abortion has a serious impact on one's life, as does having a baby. I have never spoken with a woman who regrets having a child (or at least who will admit to it). Almost every woman I've spoken with about their abortion regrets it (only one says she doesn't, but from what she's said, she probably should *NEVER* have children). Of course I do believe that there are appropriate situations to terminate a pregnancy. When discussing this with her, make sure she is aware of the lasting effect having an abortion will have on her. It's important for her to have as much information on both choices when making her decision.
2006-10-23 14:09:40 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋