When i first met my husband we both drank socially. He stopped. Now my fam isn't allowed to drink in my house!

Question

Nooo..he's not an addict..he found religion! It's ruining our marriage. I want to be able to have a glass of wine with my parents when they come see me once a year....he's decided NO and he's being very stubborn about it....willing to give it all up. This sux!

Answer 1

Well, I think a bigger question should be if your husband made this rule without consulting you. If so, you have an even bigger problem.

It is your house, along with your hubby's and the decisions should be mutual. Have your husband explain his aversion to anyone drinking in the home. Is he that against drinking, he is scared of a liability issue if they drive home drunk? etc...etc.. you need to communicate and come up with a solution you are both happy with. If that is that no one drinks at your house, then your family should respect your decision.

Answer 2

Is he going to AA?

First, I've been in recovery for 20+ years, initially (like the 1st 5 years I was uncomfortable around people that drank. You calling it "social" drinking is often saying you probably drink more then you should and he got to a point where it became a problem.

Respect his wishes. If the booze is more important then the relationship then you are the one with the problem not him.


UPDATE FROM YOUR UPDATE...
The God thing is a hard nut to crack. I am blunt about it. Some people that stop drinking as the result of religion become moral cops for those around them. being around people who dirnk alcohol is not a problem for me most days, if I feel uncomfortable I leave the situation. My wife has a wine cooler or a Kahlua drink every so often but rarely. We don't keep alcohol in the house because of my history.

If it pisses you off so much you've still put booze in front of the relationship. But if as you say the real problem is his religious conversion this is a tougher nut to crack and may prove impossible.

Answer 3

i would normally stand behind you and say it's both your house you both should make the choice or meet somewhere in the middle. HOWEVER I'm a recovering drug addict I will not allow drugs or drinking in my house by anyone. I can not be around the environment drinking or drugging brings about. If me being and staying sober matters to my husband he'll keep standing by my rule that it's not allowed. If my husband allowed those behaviors by his family or mine to go on in my house I'd be doing heroin again. What's more important to you allowing the drink or keeping your man straight? for the poster that wrote he bets he got religious ...i don't have a religion i just know drinking leads to doing stupid sh*t!

Answer 4

OK, so the question is...?

Are you upset that your husband just created a rule and is cramming it down your throat?

Or, are you upset that your family members feelings are hurt and you are embarrassed?

Or, are you upset that he seems to be criticizing your family?

So, what's the deal?

If he knows that he has a drinking problem then not allowing alcohol in the house is a very wise decision. Assuming that's the case, you need to jump on his side immediately and support him, even if it makes your family uncomfortable and even if he didn't consult with you before making this rule.

You do need to discuss with him how you two can work together to come up with family decisions.

If your family can't live unless they are allowed to drink booze in your house, then they have a major problem.

Answer 5

I'm not sure if I have this right, but according to what you have written, your husband and you both used to drink socially, but now that he's stopped, your own family isn't even allowed to drink in your house. I think, if this is correct, the key is YOUR. This is both of your house, and it doesn't seem fair that his rule needs to apply to you and your family. I would ask him about this, and ask him why he feels the need to be completely separated from alcohol. Was he once an alcoholic, was he drinking too much, is the presence of it too tempting for him? If so, he probably needs help. For any other reason, I don't think he has the right to make rules that you have no say in - I mean, you both own the house, right?

Answer 6

been through something like that , but i was the drinker an my family stopped. which meant i was no longer allowed to drink in the home! so i just started drinking elsewhere. seems like they get predjice once they quit drinking.....but maybe he just don't want to be tempted to drink again an will if he is around it?

Answer 7

That's good for him. It means he doesn't want to be around an influence like that anymore because he could be easily tempted back to it. My aunt used to be a smoker and whenever people would go over to their house, they weren't allowed to smoke.

Answer 8

Lets say you were on a diet, would you like for people to bring all your favorite foods to eat in front of you. Go back and recall your wedding vows, it says that you are to cling only unto him, you married him. Stand by him and Love him...

Answer 9

So? It's his house too. Is not drinking such a hardship for your family? I say get over it, and be thankful your husband quit drinking. He deserves respect and support, not attitude.

Answer 10

You forgot to mention that he probably just got deeply involved in religion like someone i know, who also did the same thing. I'll bet he now looks down his nose at everybody now, just because they still drink. I'll take a wild guess that he's Baptist. This is what self righteous religious zealots usually do.