My boyfriend has a daughter whose 3. I've meet her before but before her mother will let her come stay with my boyfriend and I for a few weeks she wants to meet me. I have no problem with that, but she wants to meet me alone and ask me some questions. When my boyfriend told me that, I was upset because I don’t think I should have to be alone with her for her to get to know me and that now that I am a suitable person for her daughter to be around. She has said some rude things about me to my boyfriend because their divorce wasn’t final before we started dating and has called me a few names. My question is that my boyfriend thinks that I should be okay with her wanting to be alone with me to ask me some questions. I'm upset because I think he is not taking my feelings into affect. I feel that she wants to interrogate me and I'm not okay with that. Please let me know what you think?
2006-10-23 11:55:10 · 8 answers · asked by Sierra 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Yes she defiantley sounds like she wants to interrogate you. I think your man should be there with you when you meet her,,only for the simple fact that she has already said some things about you to him. Im sure she is going to try and talk some **** to you,,,unless of course shes a mature adult. But if you really want him and his child to be in your life,,you might have to take this step alone. Dont let her scare you,,,or put you down,,just act like a mature adult when you meet her. Dont go to her level if she starts acting like a jerk in any way. Stay level headed and just listen to what she has to say. If you dont like the way she treated you,,,,your husband should take care of the rest from there. Good luck
2006-10-23 12:04:19 · answer #1 · answered by michelle 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok I thought about this, and I'm putting myself in the shoes of the mother. First, I don't exactly blame her for lashing out at "you" the new girlfriend, exes who are bitter are bound to do that. Nothing personal against you, I'm sure you're a fine person. But if she wants a little reassurance that her child will be safe with you, give her a chance to get to know you so that she'll shut up about it.
If you're not comfortable being alone with her, do it at his house, but in another room, like the kitchen, while he's in the living room. Or all of you go out to dinner together but let her have the opportunity to have faith in you to trust you with her most cherished possession.
Even if she's a big 'ol jerk, let her have her moment and then once she sees that you're a good egg, all should be fine. You can do this, you're an intelligent adult. Try to be in her shoes. Once this is over all should be fine. Good luck and remember to keep your cool, this has nothing to do with you personally, she'd probably do this with any new woman in his life.
2006-10-23 19:05:05 · answer #2 · answered by Ade 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you living with some man and having the children witness the 2 of you sleeping together out of wedlock? If so, I wouldn't consider you a "suitable" person. I'd question your morals and character and wonder how your behavior would effect a child.
If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen. I think the mother is right to interrogate you. You're old enough to live with your boyfriend, so I guess you're old enough to have a conversation with another woman, right? What are you so afraid of?
2006-10-23 19:00:33 · answer #3 · answered by Violet Pearl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Put these bad feelings behind you. If you and your boyfriend are to maintain a relationship you need to learn to live with her. If you just go and talk with her(do it in a public place) it will probably make things a lot smoother. If I had a young child that was going to be spending time with someone I really didn't know, I would feel it my duty as a parent to find out all I could about her. These names she called you were in anger and she was probably hurting;too. It's hard to think of your child learning to include another woman in her dad's life.
2006-10-23 19:15:06 · answer #4 · answered by CuervoBMed 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As a single mom, I can understand why this mom would feel this way. This mom is just looking to make sure that her child will be in good hands. She wants to know who you are and what type of person will be influencing her child. Don't take this personally. She wants to make sure of who you are. If you aren't willing to meet with her alone in person, how can you expect her to allow her child to visit with you for a long period of time.
What she is asking is not about you or your feelings. It is about her protecting and looking out for the best interests of her child. In truth, she doesn't know you.
2006-10-23 19:07:37 · answer #5 · answered by Meesh 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
in that situation maybe she wants to give it a shot to put the past behind and she is realizing that you and the father will be together a while then she wants to make it a positive thing between the two of you. She wants to consider you as a friend because it is you who is also going to care for her child so she wants to know that you to are OK? does that make sense. thats just my opinion though
2006-10-23 19:00:01 · answer #6 · answered by thatoneguy00 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She probably wants to see if your story will match his. So im guessing she still has feelings for him. just be careful tho, she might want to whip ya a**
2006-10-23 19:12:34 · answer #7 · answered by mizz_toree 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
don't be upset...be scared, and yeah she or her ex cant force u to see her if u dont want to meet with her....if she wants to know if u are ok to be around her daughter, she can come when ur bf and ur daughter are around... exes have agenda....don't let her ruin ur relationship with ur bf...as for ur bf...show him that he doesnt control ur life...stand ur ground....and what u believe in
2006-10-23 19:00:48 · answer #8 · answered by ♦cat 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋