he was being really mean to me this weekend? I am a stay at home mom, which he was fine with until this weekend...? he says i dont contribute to the family, i dont do anything all day, we have a 2 year old, and I dont know why he didnt express this before we got married! is he freaking out now that were married?
2006-10-23 11:53:07 · 42 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Yes he is freaking out now that you are married because he sees the financial responsibility differently and more heavily. He knows there is no turning back and that he has agreed to support his family alone. It is scary for him. Since you stay at home I have a few suggestions if you don't mind:
1. Make a good romantic dinner for him at least a few nights a week.
2. Keep the house clean and take care of as much as you can.
3. Take care of writing out bills and making all the errands.
4. Just for more financial security look into a simple job. The possibilites of that are endless. Maybe you could tutor 1-2 times a week or give some kind of musical lessons if you have any talent like that. Perhaps you could clean someone's house once a week for money. I personally opened up a home daycare (so I could be home with our future children) and make more than my husband now. Of course it is a full-time and strenous job but you could choose how many children you want to keep. Probably just keeping 1 other child would make a huge financial difference. (where we live 1 child would bring in an extra $300 a month but that is the lower end) Just be sure to check out your state laws about daycare. You may have to have a license.
I hope you didn't get mad at me for those suggestions. I am just trying to help. I know how it is because we used to fight alot about money and I worked part-time!!!! Now we still have a tight budget (we live in a poor state) but we are doing good.
2006-10-23 12:01:29 · answer #1 · answered by brm1981 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
O.K. everybody stop thinking this is a new relationship and he is finally showing his true colors. They have a two year old for crying out loud. Read the whole question!!! They have been together for at least 3 years, minimum! Girl, this guy IS freaking out. This will end with an apology as long as you don't act like a rug. The honeymoon isn't over and you and he will have decades of great times together. In fact a couple years from now you will look back on this and laugh, & he'll be embarrassed. However, what he said has to be sitting on his mind, and being he is in the freaked out portion of your honeymoon, you WILL have to address this subject. You have been with him for a long time now so you will know when the right time is. Probably when you can't see the white all the way around his bugged out eyes! When you do bring this up just casually ask if he is going to be prepared to take on the extra responcibility. Thank him for the go light on getting back out into the world. You get to go to work and he gets to baby sit. He may have a quick change of heart. My advice is to run with his first comment though. I'm not pointing the finger! It's that as you get older you are going to find no one can have a one supporter family. It takes two, sometimes two and a half (put the kid to work!) lol
2006-10-23 12:33:39 · answer #2 · answered by delux_version 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hmm. It could be any number of things. Certainly, the birth of a child is wonderful, however, it can put a strain on marriage. Especially if it wasn't strong to begin with. Being a stay at home is the toughest job because you can't "punch in" or "punch out". It is 24/7! I would allow him to babysit the 2 year old for a few hours on a weekend or evening while you go out with a girlfriend so he can see how challenging it can be. He might also be overwhelmed at work too. It sounds like a communication problem. When you both are calm, try to talk this through. If all fails, please try outside intervention such as counseling. It will be worth it for your family and especially the baby. Good Luck.
xoxo, Zena
2006-10-23 12:01:51 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, the day my ex-husband and I got home from the honeymoon, everything changed. I didn't know who he was. He wasn't abusive, just, a jerk. I moved out a year later. Some guys really do freak out once they're married.
Put your foot down NOW about this "you don't do anything all day" caca. One day when he has off, really DON'T do anything. Let him do everything and see how much fun it is.
On the other hand, if you've been slacking off with the dishes and laundry, step it up a little bit to pacify him. It's all about money. He may have run across something he wanted and now doesn't have enough money to do it. Make sure he's happy that he's footing the entire bill right now. And DONT take any more of that junk from him, stand your ground and get right in his face. Oftentimes, little boys who have tantrums just need a strict mommy to tell them to calm down.
2006-10-23 12:13:26 · answer #4 · answered by Ade 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is probably feeling a bit of the post wedding anxiety.It can hit fairly soon after the wedding or it could take months.Try talking calmly pointing out what you said above.He could have been feeling some financial pressure or something and threw this out there. Maybe you should tell him that you would consider working part time or eventually but that for the moment this is the situation and it is exactly what it was before the wedding.He will probably come around as long as you reassure him that you plan to share the burdens of marriage and family financial and otherwise as time goes on.
2006-10-23 12:15:39 · answer #5 · answered by Style Girl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
all right now???? he is now starting to show his controlling side and if i was you i would put him in his place by getting a full time job and show him you don't need him and then try to work things out from there....not only that don't you like your own money to spend and and that away he can not tell you your not contributing to the relationship and not only that he gets a taste of his own child and then some of the stress is taken off of you....i had the same prob....and you have to stand up for your self because no one else will and the last thing is you won't be dependent upon him as to what you are now and if any thing bad were to happen then you have your own way out with out help from any one else and people can't say i told you not to depend on some man to support you....and that's another way he has control over you and what you do its all a control thing with some men they like women to feel inferior to them and that is BS.....:) stay head strong and also i have 2 daughters and i tell them the same as i am telling you.......
2006-10-23 15:15:28 · answer #6 · answered by wendy p 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have a 2 year old? Why did you get married?
What are you going to do now that he's mean to you and you two are married? Quit?
You bore a child with this guy and you're asking us about him after being married just 2 weeks?
2006-10-23 12:06:23 · answer #7 · answered by asperens 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is going to be harsh.
No, he's not freaking out. He's being consistent with his goal. He had goals in his life (they weren't you). You were not his goal. You never were. You're just the means to an end. Whether it's control, a wife to provide support for his life, a mother for his kid, whatever... He had a goal. You were just the most convenient means to achieve that goal. So... he acted in a way to obtain you as a stepping stone to what he wants. The kindness, charm, romance... whatever he used to get to you was just that. A means to get you where he wanted. Now that he assumes you're chained to him; that he's got his tool; he's now continuing to pursue his goal.
You're not a partner. You're not a desired and loved spouse. You're a tool, and he's treating you like one. He wants you to support his life, not to be supported by him. Any resources he expends to maintain you costs him. He wants you to maintain yourself, while still providing essential services to him. It's that selfish, and that brutal.
He didn't express this before marriage because showing you his true intentions would have messed up his plan. You wouldn't have married him if you had known.
The truth is it's going to get worse, not better. As time goes on you'll get more and more dependant. You'll make more and more sacrifices trying to "work things out", "be a good wife", whatever. Your resources and determination will drain away with time.
My wife once said "When a man shows you who he really is, believe him." He's shown you who he really is. Believe him.
2006-10-23 13:29:06 · answer #8 · answered by antirion 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe he is having a hard time with the bills. Flip the script on him. Make sure dinner is cooked and the house is clean and that when he comes home from work have his bath water ready. He probably wouldnt be happy if you worked either. Just do things to make him relax. Im sure he is stressing about something else and using you not doing anything as an excuse to take it out on you.
2006-10-23 12:08:10 · answer #9 · answered by ? 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
His probably freaking out because you are his long life partner now no turning back. Let him stay home one day with the 2 year old and have him feed her, bath her deal with her by himself and on top of all that let him also do everyday house stuff wash, cloths, dishes, clean and scrub the toilet see if he still says you don't do anything in the house.
2006-10-23 12:13:31 · answer #10 · answered by oreo29 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋