MY husband forses me to have sex with him when we fight. What do i do . I don,yt want my family to find out. I carn,t stand it anymore.I don,t have much money to stay anywhere. I just have to live with it as my family thinks we are a happy family.
2006-10-23 11:45:50 · 21 answers · asked by smillymichelle 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
You may not like this answer, but I promise you that I put a lot of thought into it before writing. I also want you to know that sometimes, we don't want to hear the answers people give us. I believe that you have a choice to make. Your choice will ultimately shape your happiness for the rest of your life.
Judging by your spelling, lack of income and quality of company, I'm willing to bet you're living in a trailer or damn close to it. I'm not judging you; I'm reformed trailer trash myself. I'm just trying to show my insite. Your husband forces you to have sex when you fight, and I'm willing to bet you fight all of the time. A lack of steady income brings out the worst in people.
You are being victimized. I'm willing to bet this isn't the first time this sort of thing has happened to you and I'll bet my life that this won't be the last time. I also believe that you've had a pretty rough childhood and so did your mother.
Well, this is your day of reckoning. From this day foreward, you will no longer try and change him. He is who he is. No matter what he says or how much you love him, you must decide whether or not you are willing to stay with him based on who he is now and not who he was or who he could be.
Based on what you've written, I'm hoping you are planning on leaving him. For your own safety, stay with your family. Let them know what's happening. If they can't understand, move on to a women's shelter. Bottom line, you've been raped by a man who should be considered a serious threat to you. You need seperate yourself as soon as possible. Don't call him. Don't write. Any communication to your husband should be done through a lawyer or police officer.
You are going to miss him. You are going to wish you had stayed with him. You are going to be lonely. I say this to prepair you, not to scare you. Your first temptation is going to be to take him back, but you can't no matter how much you want to.
You must also take extreme care with the next guy you see. Women such as yourself tend to be attracted to men who take advantage of them. It's the only form of love you've ever known, but not the only form of love you have to experience.
You are caught in a terrible cycle that is past down from generation to generation. If you don't break the cycle now, your children will experience all the pains that you have and more. For your own sake and the sake of your children, realize that you have made a horrible mistake marrying this man. Now it is time to move on and learn from your mistake.
2006-10-23 12:12:17 · answer #1 · answered by Wiseass 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It takes courage and strength to move away from situations that "seem" near hopeless. Forcing is not love. Your family (people) can sense true happiness or superficial. Maybe you can find a room mate or two to live with for now until things change in your life in time. But do not believe that you are supposed to just stay and take it - you're not. People were not designed to live lies or be subject to anything less than good. I think your family finding out is the least of the problems at hand and not one to worry about at all.
2006-10-23 11:56:13 · answer #2 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What he's doing is rape and your family is going to have to find out if you want this to stop.
Any time, even in a marriage, if you're being forced to have sex you should report it immediately! Next time, call the cops! Also, get a restraining order against him so he has to leave NOT you.
He may not seem to be a horrible husband but if when the two of you fight he rapes you, then he is a horrible husband and you need to get help ASAP.
2006-10-23 11:48:38 · answer #3 · answered by ♪Msz. Nena♫ 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Michelle if your husband if forcing you to have sex weather its when ya'll fight or any occasion... if he's forcing you. That is f****** rape. Weather he's your husband or not. Don't let that bastard take control of you. God gave you the will so you use it hunny. And if you don't want to be with him leave him. Right now. it shouldn't matter what your family thinks, i mean i know family is important but if its putting you in a comprimising situation, that you don't want to be in... then get the hell out of it and tell him to leave you the F*** alone. That or be childish and kick him in his balls... i'm sure he'd get your picture. Email me and let me know how everything works out. No woman no matter what should ever have to be put through that situation. EVER.
2006-10-23 11:51:56 · answer #4 · answered by mercy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you dont have to deal with it. Forcing someone to have sex with you is rape no matter who is doing it!!! Even if you have children with him, you have a choice. It is not an easy one, but still a choice. There are women's abuse safe houses who will hep you get away from him and build a new life. I lived in a women's safe house with my mother when I was young for some time, and they helped a lot. Call your local police department and ask them if they know of any safe houses.
http://www.pamf.org/preteen/myfeelings/hotlines.html
This is a website for help hotline numbers, check it out. Get help!! This will not change unless you change it. Be carefull sweety, and good luck!
2006-10-23 11:53:51 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is important that you understand that this is RAPE. There are people that can help you, the first thing you must do is be strong and tell your family because it is no good to live a lie. Tell your parents of siblings to start with. You can get out of this. Try and join a church group of circle of friends you can trust.
2006-10-23 16:57:35 · answer #6 · answered by Letila T 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You do need to contact someone.Him doing that to you not only hurts your feelings but also your insides. Call someone or find help somewhere.
Everybody is right too he is raping you even though its your husband.
2006-10-23 11:50:17 · answer #7 · answered by Ashley F.M. 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was in the same situation for 10 years because I was afraid. Get out. He's not worth it
2006-10-23 12:04:34 · answer #8 · answered by tacker 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Anyone forcing you to have sex is RAPE. And you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. You are in an abusive relationship! Please talk to your family or a friend. Get out of this relationship; it will only get worse!!!!
I really wish you good luck in getting out of this situation and getting safe!
2006-10-23 11:49:54 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Break the news to your family....then go to them and leave him. If you are constantly fighting, obvioiusly you are not happy. Your family will understand, I am sure. You deserve to make yourself happy, and not live your life for someone else.
2006-10-23 12:02:33 · answer #10 · answered by LARGE MARGE 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋