My husband is a diabetic which effects his sex performance and sex drive. He takes medication to help his performance but we still only average about 2-3 times a month. I have discussed the situation with him and we have also been to marriage counseling. He wants me to initate the sex all the time and I don't feel that I should have to do that all the time. Sometimes a woman wants to know she is sexually desired. And if I do initate it and things don't work out he is feeling bad so I feel that he should take the lead when he is ready for sex. I am really frustrated and seriously thinking about cheating but I know that it's wrong and it won't solve our problem. Oh and I think he is also addicted to porn because I know he is on certain websites. I confronted him about it and asked if there was a problem and he says no. Any advice out there?
2006-10-23 11:11:02 · 26 answers · asked by Marie 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
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2006-10-23 11:22:29 · answer #1 · answered by odessa2469 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Well...it sounds like the only way things are going to work is if you initiate things a little more, or if you have a talk with him and ask him to initiate things more often. I know a lady whose husband is ill and she felt much the same way that you did for a VERY long time, until HE suggested that she actually expand her sex life to other men. She ended up finding a very nice, clean man on a website and he ended up coming over and they were together while her husband watched. Personally, I don't know if I could do something like this, but I guess what I'm saying is that your husband's illness is just a bump in the road that you have to learn to get around. Whatever you do, you SHOULD NOT cheat on him...whatever is decided needs to be all right with BOTH of you. Good luck, Sweetie!
Oh, and about the porn...I've got the same problem with my husband. Porn is considered as, or more, addicting that cocaine, so if you does have a pron addiction, he might need to get help for it. Or maybe he just looks at the porn because it is easier for him to get aroused that way because of his illness. Either way, talk to him about it.
2006-10-23 11:18:46 · answer #2 · answered by missapparition 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For men, as for women, the process of developing a sexual dysfunction may be slow and progressive. In men, impotence may come and go at times. It may begin with erections that are less firm than before, and then progress to those which are shorter duration and less firm. The man will continue to have interest in sex and be able to have orgasms. It is thought that this process occurs in about half of all diabetic men and is caused by diabetic neuropathy. Experts report that it can be slowed down and treated, but that actual tissue damage can not be reversed. It is therefore very important to report symptoms early as apposed to later in the process to get the most effective treatment.
Some men can be helped. There are such things as penile implants; new medications that work by dilating blood vessels, allowing more blood to flow into the penis; and nonsurgical methods such as sliding a gel-coated pellet into the opening of the penis, a vacuum device, or injecting medication into the base of the penis with a needle. His ability to undergo the surgery for an implant will be affected by the normalcy of his blood supply, his healing ability, and existing tissue damage not to mention Viagra or similar drugs which often help.
Make sure you husband speak to a urologist who is experienced with dealing with diabetes, and do talk to other couples who use the implant. In the meantime, remember that relationships are not just about sex, but about truth and sharing. So while you and your doctor are working on understanding your needs, you can continue to be the loving partner you have always been. Remember, our bodies may change, but we remain us, the same person we were at age 21, only better in many important ways.
2006-10-23 11:36:31 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know how you feel, you don't want to iniciate sex only if it end in you being not satisfied. Never cheat it is not the answer. He need to learn how to use his mouth more to pleasure you. And talk to his doctor and see what can be done about it. he needs to put down the porn especially with your sex life not going so well. Then you have to please yourself or get sex toys. If you can't get cheating off your mind then you should leave then you can do what you want. Many men go through that even if they are not sick. So you may be leaving one problem to run into it again.
2006-10-23 11:36:53 · answer #4 · answered by barbie2 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1. Both of you go see his medical doctor to discuss options.
2. Go to counseling - together - to see if there are other issues affecting his performance that may not be completely medical (and to address porn issues).
3. Consider seeing a sex therapist.
2006-10-23 11:26:00 · answer #5 · answered by greyrider 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think this is a very bad thing to happen to any man, can you imagine how he must feel? if he is looking at porn that means he really also needs that sexual feeling, to lose his sexuallity is already terrible for him, to lose his wife to another man would really be terrible, I say stand by your man, try let him see someone more professional than just a dr, and as he seems to get visually aroused... try getting some sexy sleep and underwear... make him feel that he is still a very desirable man, no matter what!
2006-10-23 12:26:18 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Try masturbation. Or talk to your hubby and maybe he can perform the act for you. He can play with you, touch you, use toys on you etc.... That way he won't have to worry about his performance and you get satisfied. A marriage isn't just about sex so cheating shouldn't be an option. There should be more to it than getting your groove on.
2006-10-23 11:15:42 · answer #7 · answered by vancie121 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well the only problem is you not getting sufficient sx as you desire. Is not your fault that you have the urge to look elsewhere. So , he is already getting his porn. So wheres yours! ? & him saying for you to initiate, he knows you wont therefore he has gotten just what he wanted. No sex from you ! & you are here being considerate. Wake up, get what you need and get back in line ! a new day is a new opportunity !
2006-10-23 11:20:06 · answer #8 · answered by lopez76g 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should have your husband go to his doctor and explain the problem to him. The doctor can determine the best thing to do. Whatever you do do not cheat on him. It would not be fair to give him a disease. It sounds like you care a lot about him so think of your safety and his!!
2006-10-23 11:17:54 · answer #9 · answered by Derick Graham 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Masturbate. Don't cheat. You are married. You took vows. So, he can't give you what you need, as often as you want. There are LOTS of toys out there that can be a whole lot of fun!!! And, you can always have him try them out on you. That may get the juices flowing....
2006-10-23 11:25:26 · answer #10 · answered by sarlha 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋