What did you do about "returning to work blues" after mat leave?

Question

I'm 3 weeks away from returning to work after a year of maternity leave. I know practically every mother must go through this, but as the higher income in my family, and the one with all the benefits as each day passes I find myself getting more and more depressed and angry that I need to return to work and can't stay home with my baby.

It's not rational and I know it... I knew our situation all along, but it's like I'm suddenly blaming my husband for the fact that I have to go back (because he doesn't have a better job than I do.)

I've found a great in-home daycare run by a friend of mine. I know my baby will be in good hands, but no hands are as good as mine. It kills me to think that I have to pay someone gobs of money to do something that I desperately wish I could be doing myself.

I read somewhere that you actually have to mourn the loss of the dream of staying home with your baby and then get over it, but seriosuly how long does that take and how do you do it?

If I'm like this now what will I be like in 3 weeks?

My employer is also letting me go back compressed (working an extra 50 minutes a day to have 1 day off every 2 weeks.) I keep telling myself that this will be really great, that my daughter will be okay, thinking about how much we'lll enjoy these extra days together and telling myself that this is the best I could do.

I wanna thank all the kind people who are telling me to stay home with my baby. I've had my whole life to try to figure that one out... I make over 2/3 of my family income, my husband has NO benefits at work & no savings because he’s (rightfully & willingly) been paying child support to a woman who makes 3 times his income & accepts NO input on the raising of their child for the past 14 years.

Thanks for your input, but you're certainly NOT helping with your "your child will be devastated and stupid if you put them in daycare" webpages & your very noble "I picked my child over my career" attitudes. (I'm very glad you were able to do that, but it's not the question I asked.) The cynic in me is guessing some of you are the same parents in the chat rooms & bulletin boards saying how hard it is to be a stay at home parent. Guess what? It’s equally hard to be a bring-home-the-bacon-Mommy. Some Mom's HAVE to work whether they want to or not if they want a house to live in and food to eat

I apologize for my frustration here. I genuinely DO appreciate the comments from those of you who HAVE been through this and managed (and survived) the struggle of going back to work and leaving your babies. I share every bit of your pain.

Your advice and strategies for dealing with it and making it work are very much appreciated.

Answer 1

I cried (a lot). It was really hard leaving. I felt better knowing that she liked her daycare workers and I put her in a center that had cameras everywhere so I could see her at any time but it was still hard. When I had my second, I decided to stay home. Good luck. I know what you're going through. I can tell you really care about your baby and you sound like you are a great mommy.

Answer 2

I got tired of those blues. It meant I was feeling guilty because I was doing something that was wrong. So, I raised the child I chose to bring into this world.

Lots of people make financial sacrifices to do this. Your baby will never thank you for keeping the nice house and sacrificing her. If you don't think babies are damaged by day care, then you have done zero reading about infant development and what they need to grow properly.

Answer 3

i went back to work for a few months, and my husband was the substitute. fortunately, my baby never gave up on me, kept demanding his birthright - his mother. it blew up all my feminist notions, but it actually matched everything i'd been taught in training for my counseling career.

the baby's brain floods with stress hormones when she is away from mommy. this natural event, determined by evolution, impairs learning, increases anxiety and depression disorders, and makes for a sad life.

the first year is all about - can i trust mommy to be there when I want her? if so, the world is a good place and she loves me. if not, the world is a bad place and she doesn't love me.

not getting human milk lowers the iq, increases cancer and diabetes risk, and impairs bonding. working typically hurts the breastfeeding relationship. how can it not?

it's bad for babies to be apart from their mommies. it's really really bad. decades of research by NICHD have demonstrated this overwhelmingly.

fathers of babies who go into day care before age 1 are less approving of their children. mothers are less bonded, kids are less attached, have poorer social skills, harder time in school. the research shows it doesn't matter if daddy, grandma, or mary poppins is the substitute. the substitute is the problem. the damage to your child will be great, the damage to your psyche will be great, the damage to your marriage will be great.

that's the research on infant/mother separation in the first year. the news doesn't get better if the child enters care before age 5.

learn about the parenting of our closest relatives - the gorilla, the chimp, the orang utan. they don't set their babies down - for years. this is how our babies evolved, too, and this is what they need and your knowledge of that is what's troubling you.

you don't mourn the loss of doing something the right way. you act like the mother you know you are and you mother your baby as your baby was born to be mothered and you make it work.

besides, the day care lady will be the person she misses when she's hurting.

sorry - bad guess on your part about me - i love being a mom. i even homeschool. i've just lived near too many little babies who went sadly off to day care and watched them grow sadder and more detached from their parents with every passing year.

if you want to pretend that people who care enough about your baby to spend the time encouraging you to be with her are people who don't want to be with their own kid, you have an amazing mental capacity to twist reality that well. how very sad.

your kid might just be better of without you all day, bonding to your friend.

Answer 4

If you feel this badly why do you not check out how to cut your spending, make a new budget and then stay home. If you check on the costs of child care, your extra clothes to look good at work , your travel expenses plus the heart ache it is not worth the money. A child will grow up and leave you and you will never have known the child. Stay home until it goes to schoool at least

Answer 5

I decided not to return. Sure our financial situation sucks now. We don't have insurance. But I think it is worth it to raise my own children. The baby I quit my job for also died in an accident just before he was a year old, so I was extra thankful I took the time to be with him 24/7. I now have an almost 16 month old, who has never been away from me for more than an hour (and that was with daddy). The answer depends on your situation of course, and what you value most. I chose my kids.

Answer 6

i'm interior the comparable vote as you. in my view i would not tell them something. i'll enable them to assume which you're coming back in spite of while you're no longer. they're going to fill your place with a temp. That temp with the help of the time you're assume to return back might understand the job interior and out so in case you establish to no longer come back they could have somebody to fill the placement completely. so a procedures as your enterprise topping your EI, properly it is a factor of their reward equipment. Regardless its you or somebody different worker. that's what that they had opted to grant as an incentive to maintain their workers. So don't experience to blame, take excitement on your MAT go away and howdy while it is nearer to the return date. Make an exceptionally final decision then. Who is acquainted with it is beneficial to flow back interior the long-term.

Answer 7

i quit. then again i didn't have a career i had a job.
i was only allowed 6 weeks and i just couldn't part with my baby.
i think its healthy to feel the way yo do, i think you'll adjust it will just take some time.

Answer 8

I placed lots and lots of pictures of my daughter around my cubicle, so everywhere I looked there was a picture of her. That helped a lot for me. Good luck!