We do nothing but watch home movies together and eat dinner together. Nothing else do we enjoy with one another-not finances, relatives get -togethers,sex, same group of friends, sports, etc.
I go to church, he golfs.
For over a decade, he keeps scrimping and saving up, asking me to give up essentials. Until now I always believed him when he said it was for our retirement. I have gone to marital and personal therapy for over a year and a half. He tried it once with me for 8 weeks and said it was stupid. Our marriage has no problems-just me.
Am I being naive or just making a mountain out of mole hill?
2006-10-23 10:54:47 · 13 answers · asked by Pamela K 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If a friend or a sister had these complaints, what would you tell her?
You are too deep in this to see what's really going on. I'm not saying he's cheating, but he sounds controlling and emotionally unavailable. If you want to keep living like this, accept him because he won't change. If you want change, move out and find a better life. I'd bet the farm you'd find better.
Good luck : )
2006-10-23 11:51:22 · answer #1 · answered by Ade 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You didn't say how long you had been married. And yes it is a problem if you don't do anything together. Isn't the point of marriage companionship? You know that there are issues within your relationship and it was a very good move for you to get counseling but if he isn't ready to deal with the disfunction in your relationship you will have to do it alone.
You are being naive if you think that the letters meant nothing. He would not have written them if they didn't. What kind of needs was the connection to this person meeting for him that he would need to document it on paper and not throw them out. There was some sort of connection there. One might ask if he didn't want to get caught. What was the purpose of keeping that stuff anyway?
I would suggest going back into counselling not for your marriage but for yourself. You will need help getting the strength to get your life together. You can't go around in DENIAL forever.
2006-10-23 11:03:16 · answer #2 · answered by goldenlifev 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not sure that there is a correlation between him looking at property in the town of his ex, and your problems, but if I'm reading your question right, you found love letters he wrote to another woman in 2004, and you were obviously married then, so he must have been cheating...? Am I reading that right?
Anyway, it sounds like if you don't enjoy each others company, don't have sex, don't visit relatives together, don't enjoy the same hobbies...that you guys are pretty much no more than roommates. If this is true, and you have already seeked therapy and that failed, you might have to face the possibility that the marriage may not last...
2006-10-23 11:23:32 · answer #3 · answered by missapparition 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be very concerned!!! And start taking precautions to protect yourself. Make sure you have separate finances (he could easily clean out accounts and leave you with nothing) and your own credit. Speak with a lawyer to find out what steps may need to be taken to comply with laws in your state.
Make copies of the letters - keep the originals in a safe place (away from your house, i.e. - a safety deposit box, a very trusted friend/family member). Confront him only when you are fully prepared and be very calm. No yelling, accusations, violent outbursts, etc. Keep right to the point and, if he tries to dredge up old stuff/shift blame to you, take him right back to the topic being discussed. No sidetracking.
In most states if you have been married over 10 yrs. you will be entitled to 1/2 of nearly everything. Make copies of financial records, 401k/pension/retirement information, stocks or bonds, life insurance info (that law has actually changed but some judges will still be in your favor) and, again, keep them in a safe place. It may not come down to this but better safe than sorry.
Best of luck.
2006-10-23 11:21:32 · answer #4 · answered by greyrider 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The problem sounds like him and not you. I think you are being naive in letting him control you and make you believe you are the problem. Maybe you should get a new counselor if they can't see that. Someone to help you be stronger so you can tell your husband where to go.
2006-10-23 10:59:33 · answer #5 · answered by Angel Baby 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i understand the type you experience and that i might get the comparable feeling too, so don't experience such as you're on my own. those may be my questions precisely, why is he keeping onto those issues for? Is it that he would not decide for to permit go of her or what? Is he attempting to hold onto previous recommendations of her? ok, so the place are the letters at now-if he did no longer throw them away, did you? That excuse that he did no longer decide for to throw them away on your presence in basic terms would not make any style of expertise in any respect, to me. i'm exceedingly particular which you permit him have it once you got here upon them. And definite, the undeniable fact which you're pregnant, is alo fairly hurtful in looking some thing out of your husband's previous & he must feel embarrassment approximately himself. yet in spite of the undeniable fact that, adult males have their own egos. Do your ultimate into doing away with mementos that are fairly hurtful and do away with them, no count if or no longer your husband consents to it. If he gets mad, permit him, yet he desires to evaluate your emotions in this count. solid luck.
2016-10-02 21:22:38 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe you are being overly insecure, you just need to spice it up if you're bored. It's not you. Maybe you should if you haven't yet try getting involved in what he likes. Show an interest in golf, ask him to show you how to hit the perfect hole in one. Men like this kind of stuff. Encourage by liking things he does maybe that'll work to have him like the things you like and you can hang together doing something you both like. Does that make sense..lol.
2006-10-23 11:03:58 · answer #7 · answered by odessa2469 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he does not want to be married. I think you should stop trying to hold on to something that isn't. Life is too short to keep a man that does not want to be kept. I know that it will be hard, but you may have to let it go. If it is yours then it will come back, if it doesn't it was not yours to begin with. Think about it!! Good Luck!!
2006-10-23 11:13:50 · answer #8 · answered by NIKKI 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Were you married when he wrote the letters? Well, since he's not interested in having a marriage with you, I'd be concerned. I wouldn't continue as you are. I would confront him about it all - but to do that you need to be prepared for his answers. Good luck to you.
2006-10-23 11:01:36 · answer #9 · answered by sassybree1979 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are these letters written to her before u were married to him or after? If it was before, then just let it go...past is past. If it took place during your marriage, then your feelings are valid and your husband is at fault.
2006-10-23 11:28:20 · answer #10 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋