I found out that my husband looks at porn on the internet on a daily basis. I HATE the fact that he looks at more nude women on the internet than he looks at me. He told me that he would stop. However, a couple days later, I discovered that he was still doing it. How do I cope? What should I do?
2006-10-23 10:54:04 · 21 answers · asked by Mrs.Foreman 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Okay I'm an ex-member of the unfortunate "club" you belong to at this moment. I agree with the posts that say this is an addiction. Every day? He does this every day? I don't think you are insecure. I think he is living in a fantasy world which means he is not emotionally present in his relationship with you. My exhusband did the same thing BEFORE the internet - he had 100s of VHS tapes and even took out a private post office box to have hard core porn mailed to him privately so I wouldn't know. Finally, he ended up losing a job for being an idiot and watching porn at work. Though I divorced him for a number of reasons, the porn was one of them. We did counseling and the whole 9 yards, but he failed to see that HE had a problem. To me its a matter of respect for the relationship and availability to the relationship. Porn on occasion - with you in the room watching together -with the intent that it will enhance YOUR relationship..more power to you, but the way you presented it...it sounds like he has a problem - and thus as 1/2 of a married couple - you also have a problem. I can promise you that if you go to a counselor alone they are not going to tell you to get over it or that you are the problem----marriage counseling is tough if the party who is creating the disturbance doesn't think there is a problem in the first place. All I can say hon, is honor and respect yourself.....give him an ultimatum - counseling or else ---he has an addiction and he has broken your trust. Sending you all my positive energy.
2006-10-23 11:42:47 · answer #1 · answered by paperorplastic 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honey...I'm in the VERY same boat! I've been fighting with my husband about this for about two years. We've had serious talks about it, and he's promised to stop looking at it more times than I can count on TWO HANDS, but he always seems to fall back into it. Personally, finding my husband looking at porn, late at night, on the computer is a HUGE turn off for me, and usually the entire next day I am totally pissed. I rarely ever get to actually sleep with my husband, because most nights he's up till 2 or 3 in the morning looking at that crap...so, I guess what i'm trying to say is that you're not alone. I don't know what to tell you to do, other than talk to him about it, put your foot down and maybe you'll have better luck than I have had...
2006-10-23 10:58:36 · answer #2 · answered by missapparition 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Many people are unaware of the violence and immorality portrayed in porn, whether it's on the internet or books or whatever.
In addition to undermining Christian values and morals, porn has many other far-reaching effects on people and communities. The menace not only touches the lives of those who fill their minds with it, but it also claims thousands of other innocent victims each year. No one is immune to the effects of porn.
Also, recent studies seem to indicate that the increased availability of porn material and the outbreak of sexual violence are linked in some way and that porn contributes to deviant sexual behavior. Not only does porn provide ideas to ones who fill their minds with it, it also gives the impression that this kind of sexual behavior is acceptable.
In addition to it's links with sexual violence, porn is believed to be the contributing factor in marriage and family breakdown, as well as extra-marital affairs, unwanted pregnancies, and veneral diseases. Porn portrays sex as independent of love, commitment, morality and responsibility. It follows then, that marriages of those who view it may suffer.
Married men who watch porn, seem to view sex and love as two different things. Your husband loves you and respects you and he wouldn't want to break up his marriage, but he sees no reason why viewing porn should threaten all this. As long as he can keep the little lady from finding out, he seems to think he is doing no harm, in fact, it makes him a better lover to the little woman. BALONEY!
When a couple get married, they are bound together, not by law, but by love. They openly and totally commit themselves to each other for the rest of their lives. They do this in faith. Each one trusts the other to sincerely try never to hurt each other, always to help each other. They expect to find happiness and fulfillment with each other. So when the husband deceides to view porn without his partner knowing, he's committing adultry. Because he is seeking fulfillment with someone else other than his mate. He has betrayed the marriage trust.
Adultry ends in humiliation and hurt, which leads to revenge and marriage breakdown.
What needs to be done here is some good open and honest communication. Tell your husband that you know what he does and how you feel about it. God Bless.
2006-10-23 11:51:55 · answer #3 · answered by trieghtonhere 4 · 6⤊ 0⤋
guys look at porn all the time married or not.. my brother and his g/f went through the same problem. she ending up throwing every last bit of porn he had and she blocked sites and all that other stuff on the computer and now he dosent look at porn anymore. but i dont know really what to say. talk to him and tell him that its bothering you, hopefully hell understand.
2006-10-23 10:58:34 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you can install a porn filter software like NetDog on the computer,that help you to block all porn sites quitely in the background when he's surfing on the internet. http://www.NetDogSoft.com
2006-10-23 18:08:18 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
what fasinates him? get involved, he's you're hubby, he loves you, i think he may need a little change, i know it hurts, but, he inst hiding from you is he? wear hi favorite colors, surprise him, if it goes well you may be on your way to a healthier sex life,what goes on in the bedroom of husband & wife, between man & wife, is not a sin!i hope he can cope with something like that, anyway, it worked for me and a few others good luck sweetie
2006-10-23 11:05:46 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Porn is more addictive than cocaine. He will need professional help to overcome the addiction. I am a recovering porn addict.
2006-10-23 10:58:46 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
looking at porn everyday is an addiction. it should be treated as one.
2006-10-23 10:59:15 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Walk around naked.
He'll follow you like a puppy. Okay maybe like a horny dog.
2006-10-23 11:21:54 · answer #9 · answered by snack_daddy10 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
my husband does the same thing and has for years. i just ignore it after all i know he is only LOOKING. find something esle to focus on and let the anger go, it isn't worth it if you really love him.
2006-10-25 23:41:41 · answer #10 · answered by neinnana 1 · 1⤊ 2⤋