My boy friend of 6 years is a jerk. He cusses alot and has a very negitive attitude on life in general. However, when around our daughter he is a great person. He becomes lovable and sweet. He works on an oil rig with a bunch of men who talk down on women. He tells me that I need to accept him how he is???? How do I show him love so he can be the man I want him to be!
2006-10-23 10:34:58 · 9 answers · asked by Cali Girl 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Ok, you probably already know this but I'm going to say it anyway...You cannot change anyone. The thing that will have the biggest impact on both you and him is prayer. God can change the hearts of anyone! Don't give up on praying! Good luck and God bless!
2006-10-23 10:44:55 · answer #1 · answered by bran084 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
1. You cannot change a man. Ever. Think about it, could someone really change you? Probably not. What you can do is help him to better himself, which to you might sound the same -- but believe me, they're two completely different things. First off, whenever he's free, maybe if he has a few days off, try to talk to him. Don't do it after work, or on his one day off in the week because his job must be so teadious(sp = /) and stressful that he probably just wants to relax. When you bring it up, be gentle with it, not accusitory. Small changes like "I feel like..." instead of "You know how you..." will make a difference. At some point, mention to him (in a nice manor) what you said above. Also add that you don't want your daughter to be submissive or to be taken advantage of, and want to show her how a real loving marraige is.
Try doing some nice things for him, and surprise him. Clean the whole house before he gets home, or bake him a cake and make diner. Little things like that can really cheer someone up. =) I hope this helps.
2006-10-23 10:42:24 · answer #2 · answered by xxxdarksakuraxxx 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How do I show him love so he can be the man I want him to be!
This is your last line. read it again. Do you really want to try to change him because that wont work. He is who he is, and either you love him for that or you dont. Having a child is a hard thing to deal with but if you find someone else he could be even better for your daughter
2006-10-23 10:42:05 · answer #3 · answered by katie t 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Nah-ah. "How do I show him love so he can be the man I want him to be!" ... won't happen. First of all, you'll never change him to 'who you want him to be'.. if you don't like him the way he is, find someone new because this is who he is... he's not making you guess and wonder, he's telling you that- he told you straight up to accept him how he is. Secondly, love is not going to do anything. I think you're confusing the way he is for his daughter as her knowing how to show him love- thats just how HE feels about her, how she makes him feel. When you love someone it shows- you don't need to make extra effort to do it. The issue is probably bigger, do you nag? Make him feel inadequate (I'd say so since he had to tell you to accept him as he is) ... stop.. that'd be the simpliest change you can make and work from there.
2006-10-23 10:40:27 · answer #4 · answered by HE'S NOT INTO ME 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
A zebra can't change his stripes...at least he is good with your daughter, but unless he is committed to changing (which according to his accept him how he is deal) that is not going to happen. If it wasnt for you child, I would leave in a second, and even with the child, well you want to be in a crappy relationship with a guy who treats you bad for the rest of your life?
2006-10-23 10:38:57 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You cant change him. He is the same person you started with isnt he? Hes good to your daughter? If you wanted him to be someone else you should have been with someone else.
2006-10-23 13:28:38 · answer #6 · answered by littlemama 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
the idea is to find someone you dont feel the need to change. dump him and find a guy who makes you happy no matter what.
2006-10-23 10:40:27 · answer #7 · answered by eric s 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
nothing will work. just leave him, or treat him the same way, just not around your kid
2006-10-23 11:10:55 · answer #8 · answered by ? 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
YOU CAN NOT AND WILL NOT EVER CHANGE HIM!!!!!!
Enough said about that!
2006-10-23 10:38:11 · answer #9 · answered by Littlebit 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋