My friend had a miscarriage last week, and worried about her partner. He hasn't really opened up about how he feels, and has only said that he is worried about her state of mind.
For those of you who have been through this, can you tell me how your partners dealt with miscarriages, and the stages that you, as a couple have gone through to overcome the feelings that you have had?
Just so we are clear, this isn't one of those situations where I say 'my friend' but mean 'me'.
I just want to get a better understanding of the situation so that I can be of some help to her throughout her time of loss.
2006-10-23 10:34:33 · 10 answers · asked by ♥Pamela♥ 7 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
As a guy of a wife that had a miscarriage, I will answer this question. When my wife had a miscarriage, I was sad, and disappointed, and even scared.
The sadness was easily overcome by time, so no need to worry about that. The disappointment was overcome by time as well. The scared part is what got me. I was scared for my wife's safety and health.
She was very emotional and it was hard to deal with. The best thing you can do for your man is to not pressure him into "spilling his guts", as that will just aggravate him and maybe even push him away. Men deal with miscarriage different than that of the woman, as where we have a love connection to it and you have a physical connection.
Being a guy that has been through this experience, your man will be ok. Don't pressure him about it, just make sure you are ok and he will be happy. And for goodness sake try again, those babies are nothing but happiness when they finally arrive!
2006-10-23 11:13:39 · answer #1 · answered by ppp_now 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I had a miscarriage in Aug. I was an emotional basket case. The best thing for me was to talk about it. I am a very reserved person and didn't want people to know, so it helped to have my husband listen. But girls need girls to understand. So, the best advice I can give you is to listen, encourage her to talk (if she is ready she will) and encourage her partner to talk about it as well. With my first, my husband didn't say anything, it bothered me because I felt I needed to talk it out, see how he was feeling. After I expressed my feelings, he told me he was scared that talking about it would make it worse for me. This last time, he was a lot more open and very supportive. And guess what! There is hope, I am now 9 weeks pregnant and the doctor says the baby is doing well. Give encouragement, love and support. And Thank you for being the kind of friend to help, most shy away becuase they are unfortable. Good Luck!
2006-10-23 10:46:51 · answer #2 · answered by jamiasl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Most Husbands would react the way he is and are more worried about their wives than themselves(If they're Good Husbands)
The emotional bond often doesn't start for them before the birth or sometimes till the baby starts kicking! For us carrying the baby starts the bond!
Both need support at this time though and the best way to give it is to let them talk about it. It can be as hard as losing a born child, I know I've experienced both (My first son died at 3 months)
It hurts when people try to change the subject or WORSE tell you 'you can have another baby' (No-one would dream of telling someone they can have another mum would they?)
If you can treat it as you would any other bereavement then you will help her through the worst of it.Grief councelling would also help. I dont know if you have ever lost someone close to you but if you have try and remember what you went through and what helped you cope and apply it to her!
But at the same time remember that we all react differently and have to find our own way of dealing with it. Dont Tell her how to cope just support them both and let them know you CARE!
Hope this helps you !
2006-10-23 13:04:49 · answer #3 · answered by willowGSD 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
miscarriage is such an evil thing to happen I suffered 2 years ago It was a silent miscarriage where I didn't even know I had lost my baby so it came as a very big shock to be told my baby was dead. At first my husband was silent and just held me but then he wanted to talk about it and that really helped me the fact that he wanted to try again was wonderful and I had so much support from family and friends just be there for your friend she may not show it at the moment but she will appreciate it later
2006-10-24 05:17:26 · answer #4 · answered by Carolyn R 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I had a miscarriage several years ago - but husband didn't really have a "bad" reaction - - his attitude was pretty much that we would just try again. I think men don't understand the emotional connection we women have right from the beginning. I mean, I was completely emotionally bonded to my pregnancy at soon as I knew I was pregnant. I don't believe men think about and feel the same way we do. Just a thought...
2006-10-23 10:39:17 · answer #5 · answered by Little*Boots 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My partner was strong for me and toughed it out, but he also felt sad but didn't express it to me. Told me later. I unfortunately had more than 1 miscarriage and each one was harder and harder for both me and my partner. I'm not pregnant again, and my partner is very scared. He has lost all his toughness. Last week when we went for an ultrasound, even though everything was okay, he started crying because he needed to release all his fear and grief over the last 2 years. (Iv had 3 miscarriages)
It helped me a lot to go to miscarriage website. The best of all for me is www.pregnancyloss.info
2006-10-23 10:41:51 · answer #6 · answered by mkk 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been blessed to not experience this kind of loss, it must be horrible. I would think that just being a friend who maybe doesn't talk but just listens to me would be most helpful, so your Friend should try to not push him into spilling his guts out and just let him come gradually, men are funny about feelings, and a lot of guys don't like for women to see them cry or upset....he may be talking to some of his friends about it...if their relationship is strong he will come around.
2006-10-23 10:41:38 · answer #7 · answered by pirategirls16 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i had a miscarriage a month ago now and im trying to get back to normal now still in depression stage and stuff
anyway my fella
all he wants to know is that im ok and he supports me like i can tell him how im feeling and we'll both sit down and chat he gets on wiv work and gets on wiv day to day things as normal and when i cry he's there for me
and he tries to get me out of the house
if ur m8 wants to chat about it anytime cuz im goin through wiv it now being depressed and etc then my email is
bratsweb@yahoo.com and im on instant messenger
bratsweb@hotmail.co.uk
take care
2006-10-23 12:43:40 · answer #8 · answered by Katie P 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
make sure she has tons of support...maybe take her out to pamper herself. make sure the guy has equal attention. this is a difficult situation and shouldnt be taken lightly. make sure YOU are there for the couple as a whole. i know this would mean alot to them. or check out this site..and the books its lists on there http://www.amazon.com/Motherhood-After-Miscarriage-Kathleen-Diamond/dp/155850043X
2006-10-23 10:39:38 · answer #9 · answered by girllll 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i had 1 3 yrs ago my boyfriend didnt seem to say much about it he was obviously upset but he didnt show it just be there for them if they want to they will talk to you. good luck and best wishes to your friends xx
2006-10-23 21:58:20 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋