Ladies, if your husband looked at online pornography on an average of 4 to 5 times per week for 2 to 3 hours at a time (usually very late at night), how comfortable would you be bringing a child into the household? Is this something that should be resolved prior to deciding to have a child, or would you be comfortable enought to just hope that it works out when the child arrives? Or is this behavior simply not a problem even with children in the house? Just curious...
2006-10-23 10:32:58 · 19 answers · asked by missapparition 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Yes...I HAVE spoken to my husband about his looking at porn, and many times, he has promised to quit only to fall back into it again. I have pretty much become numb to it, but I'm just not sure that it would be healthy to have a child in a household where it could happen upon it's Daddy looking at porn...or maybe that would never happen... I don't know, that's why I am asking.
2006-10-23 10:45:21 · update #1
Just so that everyone knows, sex is not a problem which causes my husband to look at porn. I do watch it with him on occassion and we have a very healthy sex life. My husband looks at porn because he likes to, and although he has promised to stop more times than I can count on TWO HANDS, he always goes back. It seems like borderline addiction to me, that's why I asked this question.
2006-10-23 10:49:26 · update #2
The bottom line is he's telling you he'll do something and then going back on his word. Even if it were something other than porn, this would be a problem. He should probably get counseling. Think of what he could be accomplishing in those extra 10-12 hours a week that he wastes. And I would say definitely DO NOT have a kid until this is resolved to a degree you're comfortable with.
2006-10-23 10:55:23 · answer #1 · answered by kaligirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nothing "just works out" after the birth of a child.
If you and your husband have very different viewpoints about the acceptability of porn, nudity, or anything related to the human body, you need to resolve those differences long before having children together.
It sounds as if you see the behavior as a problem, and he doesn't. It also follows, logically, that he may be looking at porn as a means of additional sexual gratification, which might indicate that your libido's aren't in sync with one another. Further, he might (or might not) eventually get to a point where he will prefer being with either a "live, online model" or possibly end up seeking the company (face to face) of a woman who is "into" porn and establishing a relationship with her.
Regardless, I think you and he are overdue for some serious talking and listening...if not on your own, then in counseling.
2006-10-23 17:41:43 · answer #2 · answered by Johnna L 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some couples are comfortable with their spouse looking at porn. I am not one of those people. I found my husband looking at it once and it almost caused a divorce. My biggest fear was if someone forgot to lock the computer my child would get on it and accidently pull something up. That was just something I did not want to have to explain to a three year old. Plus I think I should be enough for my husband, I don't want him to have to go "looking" for something else. Even though I can't or won't fufill all his fantasies, I am always open for suggestions now. Biggest thing is to make sure that his actions will not affect the child in anyway. My husband does not look at porn anymore.
2006-10-23 17:42:33 · answer #3 · answered by avonlady_IL 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would definitely not bring a child into it , have you looked at alot of the porn it's actually kids or adults dressing up like kids , cant anyone see why there is so much sexual abuse , especially with kids , its all over the TV and Internet , everywhere you go . I don't put down sex , but it shouldn't be such a $$$ thing , and people do get addicted , you said he tried to quit and is still doing it . Its like a drug , VERY addictive. It makes me sad and mad to hear about another kid being sexually abused .
2006-10-23 17:56:46 · answer #4 · answered by debbie m 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband and I had a similar problem. He had a porn collection that he hid from me and I was upset when I discovered it.
What I did was I sat down and had a talk with him about the collection. I explained to him that he does not have to watch porn when I'm not around. I also told him that it is okay to have porn just don't watch it in front of kids or my family. Behind closed doors is okay.
What you should do is let your husband know that he can't or can watch on line porn. Just be thankful that your husband is not having outside sex with any strangers. Talk to him and tell him that you feel uncomfortable with this situation.
2006-10-23 17:44:05 · answer #5 · answered by Gucci S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't have as much a problem with the porn but the repeated lying about it would definitely have some bells ringing. You need to talk with him about this behavior. Its not healthy.
It might denote some other sort of hidden behaviors. I would try to create an atmosphere where he could freely discuss his sexual "ideas". Maybe he feels like he's missing something or this is something he is truely ashamed of. You all need to really have a non-judgemental conversation to discuss communication issues.
2006-10-23 18:25:03 · answer #6 · answered by goldenlifev 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, is he hiding it from you? If not, chances are it is something that can be discussed. I assure you it is much better to discuss the situation, then having him feel uncomfortable b/c you feel uncomfortable which leads to much strife and drama. You may be able to make some kind of rule about it or some sort of agreement which will atleast help you to feel like it's not a 'problem'. In no way whatsoever should children of any age be subjected to things they can't yet understand. Things never just work out on their own... communicate!! And good luck!!
2006-10-23 17:41:29 · answer #7 · answered by amanda 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"Or is this behavior simply not a problem even with children in the house?"
Oh come on...you think this wouldn't be a problem with kids in the house. Gee Mommy what is that guy doing to that lady? Try to answer that question from a five year old when he has this crap on the computer.
If he is good enough to have children with he should be satisfied with the real thing instead of a screen and his hand.
2006-10-23 17:37:45 · answer #8 · answered by OleMarbleEyes 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If u have an issue with this now then it's better to get it resolved before bringing a child into your household as u don't want it to be a big problem later on.
2006-10-23 17:38:25 · answer #9 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is a bit excessive and something to be concerned with. I wouldn't want to bring a child into an unresolved environment. It is obvious that this concerns you and you need to work it out PRIOR to getting pregnant, the baby will NOT solve the problem and might be cause to make it worse due to added stress. Good luck!
2006-10-23 17:37:38 · answer #10 · answered by HereweGO 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋