Does anyone have problems with insecurity in their marriage?

Question

I have been married for three, almost four years. I have had three pregnancies through the duration of my marriage. Needless to say I am not the same mentally or physically like I used to. My husband does not understand that with my weight gain, my insecurities grew and it causes us to fight all the time. He doesn't feellike I trust him, but I do. I just don't feel as beautiful as I use to. Don't get me wrong, I am not extremely overweight, but I do need a little work. Regardless, has anyone gone through this same problem.

Please no mean comments!!! If you don't have anything productive to say, say nothing. THANKS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 1

My wife did for a while.....the one thing I always told her is that in my eyes she is still the sexiest woman in the world.....believe it or not girls.. being sexy is more the way you carry yourself...act in private...than what you look like....on the other hand if you constantly point out every inperfection of your body, guys will eventually start to notice them...when my wife starts I tell her I dont want to hear it.....she has since stopped worrying about evry little change and life is great...shes sexy like no other at 41.....cant wait to get home

Answer 2

Yeah I know exactly how you feel. I've only had 1 baby in 2 1/2 years of marriage but I still feel your pain. I used to be a size 3 and now a 14. Having babies does this to you. It makes things very hard. You need to explain to your husband what having a child does to one's body. Even if you lost all the baby weight your body would still not look the same. But in the same sense you need to make sure your not going over board with your insecurities. You have to know where to draw the line. I bet if you tried to feel a little better about yourself that your husband wouldn't have such a bad attitude toward your weight gain. Maybe he just hates the way you look because he knows you hate the way you look. Try working on things. Whether it be exercising or dieting or just learning to accept the changes that having a baby (or babies) brings along. You have to try to work things out. After having 3 babies in 3 years you need a husband around to help make you feel good about yourself. Best Wishes!!!!

Answer 3

I know how you feel! I had my second child 18 months ago and still havent lost all of the weight. I have atleast 10 pounds to go until I feel comfortable. My husband tells me I am not overweight and I know that I am not but like you I still feel less attractive and my husband does not understand either. However I try not to put my own insecurities off on my husband. Do something that makes you feel a little better until you get the weight off. Get a new haircut , do your makeup, go to a store that does free makeup makeovers and get one, change your hair color, things like that make me feel a little better. Just remember it take only 9 months to gain the weight, but it usually takes atleast 1-2 years for most normal women to get the weight off and it is hard work, expecially when you are chasing around children all day and dont actually have time for working out! Good luck, If you find any pearls of wisdom on this subject, please email them to me, or if you just need someone to talk to that knows how you feel then email me at [e-mail].

Answer 4

Yes, marriage can be pure hell sometimes. I am going through some of the same things. I had a miscarriage last year and I have gained weight also. You don't feel as attractive as you used to and there are so many beautiful skinny women in this world that get our man's attention. What I do to compensate for my insecurity is to try to do things that make my husband notice me for who I am now. I am quite sure that you do the same. I know that you have children but you have to take out some you time. Go to Curves or whatever gym that is in your area. Go shopping for clothes that you like and make it your goal to get into the size that you used to be. I know that it is easier said than done. You have to trust your husband because you decided to marry him. Don't be insecure your husband loves you. Don't get mad because he looks at other women. He just better not touch!!!!!

Answer 5

i know exactly what you are going through. i had two kids back to back. my youngest is now two. but i am only now just starting to lose the baby weight. and really, it wasn't bad(140) but i use to weigh about 18 pounds less before this. my self-consciesness about this extra weight has caused me to be insecure. i know it's ridiculous. but sometimes i don't think men understand the level of emotions and sacrifice that we women make to have kids. they don't go through the hormonal changes, the loss of your youthful looking body, and to some that might sound superficial. but it is very real. i think about 99.9% of women go through some sort of insecurity related to having children and still trying to be a desirable woman/wife. i took steps recently within the past few months to losing this weight once and for all. i put on my running shoes and just went jogging. i've now been doing it every week night. i am back to a size 8. i threw away my scale though, cause it was really sabotaging any progress. it didn't make me feel good. i had been at 140 and a size 10 since the birth of my two year old, and now i'm finally losing it. i feel good, i feel more confident. but most of all, the insecurities are slipping away. i had to run though. cause after she was born, i tried yoga, i tried walking, but it was the running that has been my key to losing the weight. i also started doing stomach crunches while i watch reruns of sex in the city. i hope you find the courage to find your strength to get through this. having a baby is such a sacrifice. your husband might not understand what you are going through. but it is up to you to take the steps to change it.

Answer 6

You husband probably loves you no matter what you look like. Your insecurities are just that, your insecurities. You say you trust him but you don't, you think he judges you on your weight like you do. I bet he would rather you gain 20 lbs and feel sexy then lose 10 and still feel inadequate. You need to choose to be happy. It is really a decision.
The more requirements we have to be happy, the harder it is to find.

Answer 7

Actually when I first met my wife we both had a little insecurities and both relied on each others fortune to survive. We struggled hard and faced death and divorce. After 19 years of marriage we came into money allot of money $280,000.00
We have been married now 24 years and it wasn't the money that kept us together, it was what we went through together before the money had arrived.
Life is funny sometimes, but having no money and staying together for love was better than having money and no love.

Answer 8

From your question.. I think I am understanding why my wife has been acting up recently! Same story.. Married 10 years, 2 kids, she is feeling old!

But part of the solution is you... maybe you can lose some weight, if not for beauty, but for health sakes... you want to be around when your kids have their kids, don't you? You also don't want to die early and leave your kids with a step-mother!

Answer 9

This is not meant to be mean but......you should join a gym. Start a nutrition and exercise program. Not for your husband-for YOU. As you lose weight and tone up you will start to feel sexy and desirable again. Your confidence will come back. And confidence is VERY attractive. Good Luck

Answer 10

I felt that way after three kids and 17 years - fat, unattractive and like a housefrau. Just tell him the truth - that you don't feel sexy like you used to and it makes you uncomfortable. Then, do for yourself. Find time to put you first and make yourself back into that sexy girl he had to have. Work out, dress well and take care of yourself.