I have been with my bf for nearly 11 months and things are good, not great but good. We have our ups and downs, but i like him a hell of alot, and he does too. Recently we havent been getting on as good. and he said he has to work weekends for a few months and weekends we spend together. he lives 30 miles away. He likes to spend alot of times with his mates and goes out about twice a week with them drinking etc. but when it gets to the weekends hes too tired to do anything with me and just wants to lie there and sleep. Sometimes i feel he does whatever he wants with his mates and then it doesnt really matter when it comes to time with me. He goes off to watch bands i like and goes to watch the footy at the pub or at a game but doesnt seem to want to do anything with me. When i mention doing something he doesnt seem bothered. I want to be with him, but i dont want this stuff to last forever.
2006-10-23 09:35:00 · 24 answers · asked by ms_jaffa_cake 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
He used to do drugs and he said he wouldnt anymore, but he did anyway, so when he says he wont do something, i dont believe him and wonder what hes doing when hes out with his mates (who also do drugs). I dont want to nag him, but i just want to enjoy the relationship more. any ideas?
2006-10-23 09:36:25 · update #1
Sorry but I think he is changing and drifting away.
Try asking him what is wrong and insist for an answer but don't expect miracles - look for a different path.
You don't sound that old so all your life is for you and what you make of it.
Good Luck
Jeff
2006-10-23 09:41:17 · answer #1 · answered by JEFF K 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am in a similar situation to yourself. What I have decided is that if I am not 100% sure about being with him then I can't be with him. On the other side of the coin, I'm not 100% about leaving him for good so at the moment we are taking time apart, maybe a month or so, to clear our minds and to either help us appreciate each other more and that we do want to be together or that we are actually better off apart. I think it is good to take yourself out of the situation for a while so you have a clear perspective of everything. It has been 10 days now and I am seeing things from a different light. All the best of luck to you in whatever you choose to do.
2006-10-23 16:44:58 · answer #2 · answered by AMY S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like it is over between you two. You may not want to admit it but it is. You need some attention he isn't giving you and it seems he doesn't care. It takes two to make a relationship and it seems it's only one sided now. It never seemed like a very stable one from the start with drug use. When you look for a mate, sole partner, one to spend your life with, seek these qualities----1.good education,to provide a living for you and family.2. No drug use, 3. Care for you over himself and others.. 4. Sensitive, loving, caring and above all else not lie to you. Girl it can only get worse for you, now is the time to walk and make a new life, you have wasted 11 months in this going nowhere relationship so don't waste another weekend sitting and watch him rest up for another fun week without you. It seems he is now going to take the weekends away from you to. Don't sit home and wait for him to find time for you. BE GOOD TO YOUR SELF SINCE HE DOESN'T SEEM TO WANT TO.
2006-10-23 16:56:07 · answer #3 · answered by Chuck C 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are looking for a real relationship, he isn't. When it is true love both of you will never want to be away from one another. Think of yourself first. You should come first with him and he should come first with you. Don't keep yourself in a relationship where you come second. I was married for 30 years in that type of relationship and now I have found someone who puts me before anyone and anything and it is so easy to put him before anyone and anything. This is the way of being in love and it is obvious he does not have that sort of feeling for you. Break it off with him and stay away from him for about three months to give yourself time to adjust to life without him. Then decide what it is you want out of life and what kind of man you wish to fall in love with and live with the rest of your life. Don't just fall into a relationship because it is convenient, this is your life you are talking about. I read some good advice in these answers...read it all and think long about what you might want or need to do.
2006-10-23 17:42:34 · answer #4 · answered by davesgoldendraggon 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Read your question back to yourself and then listen to the facts:
1.) He doesn't want to make time for you. If he were really interested, he would make the time.
2.) He is still doing drugs and alcohol and hanging out with his mates that do drugs. So long as he continues to hang with them, nothing will change.
3.) He lies to you. You should see red flags going up as you cannot trust him.
I know it hurts that you want to be with him and he is acting so, but it is best for you to move on. This is a relationship that is doomed to fail. For your sake, take some time for yourself. After that, go out and meet someone new. You sound like a wonderful person who deserves better.
2006-10-23 16:56:28 · answer #5 · answered by sloop_sailor 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
girl u really need to take a long look at him and think is he really the one for u?? the less time he spends with you the more you want him. dont fall into this trap, get out now while u still can. he sounds like he is self obsessed and loves the attention from you, without having to do much for it. stop askin to go out together, go off and do your own thing and you will soon find that you can do a lot better than him and you dont need him in your life he is taking you for granted
2006-10-23 16:51:48 · answer #6 · answered by markr117 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have two suggestions for you
one
get out of the relationship now and just look back on it as something that was not ment to be. trust me he is not going to change and i have i feeling that he will get worse rather than better. you deserve a lot better than that and you should have someone who will go out with you on the weekends and do things together. as it is you may not have anyone at all. you could get it all from a vibrator and you would not be this unhappy.
two.
if you really do want it to work then all i can suggest is to test him/ tell him that you want to go out with him for a night out and that if he cant do that then tell him to f**k off with himself. you need to no one way or the other causr spending the rest of your live with someone that cant be bothered with you is not living at all. i'd rather live alone than that
sorry if it is a bit harsh but i really cant see it working the way it is now. for it to work there would need to be some serious changes so as you are getting what you want out of the relationship to
hope it helps
2006-10-23 17:24:36 · answer #7 · answered by vexon 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't say how old you both are but my guess is you are too young for all the crap. Go out with your mates and play him at his own game.
Only you know if he is worth waiting around for. Plenty of guys out there will be willing to treat you a lot better!
2006-10-23 16:39:09 · answer #8 · answered by puzzled 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Two cold hard facts:
- He's doing drugs. Either you accept him like this or dump him.
- Your a low priority in his life. You come after friends, job, drugs, sleep, laziness etc. This is not good. You should be at or near he top of the list.
Things are not looking good. You may have to dump him if he does not change.
2006-10-23 16:39:12 · answer #9 · answered by Big Momma Carnivore 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If a guy won't include you when going out with his friends then you have serious problems. It essentially is him telling you that with you around life isn't fun. He isn't going to change and I don't think you can trust him so you might as well end this now and find someone who loves you enough to want to spend their time with you.
2006-10-23 16:39:43 · answer #10 · answered by rkrell 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋