should i tell my wife about my extra.M affair which ended when my lovers spouse found out.completely depressed

Question

married with 2 kids, currently depressed, feeling bad about the whole stuff and repenting but still have feelings for my lover.

The affiar ended 8 months back and still have feelings for her.She obvioulsy has better control over her and is being wateched by her husband.She is repenting as well.I know what we did was wrong but still at times get the urge to call her up.

Answer 1

First let me ask you, why are you thinking of telling her?Is it because there's a big chance she'll find out now that your lover's spouse knows?Just to make it less shocking for her or make her more forgiving because you had the guilty conscience to step right up and tell her?Or because you really regret what you did and not just because you were caught but because you realize that you've hurt someone who loves you so much, who has given you children and and has been with you, taken care of you and the kids through the years?
We don't know your wife but you do.How do you think she would react once you've told her?Would she trust you again?Would she be able to forgive and forget?
Would you be able to forgive yourself and start over?And since you admit you still have feelings for your lover, I think you should take into account that this usually is more painful for women because it's not just a physical thing but it's the fact that you love the other woman, I guess more than her and your kids since you weren't able to avoid the temptation.
Whatever you do, just take into primary consideration how it's going to affect your kids.The children are usually the ones sufferring in situations like this.You're depressed now but you've hurt a lot of people, people who love you and trust you and you let them down so stop thinking of yourself now, you've had your fun.Think of what is best for your wife and for the kids.

Answer 2

Get it all out and then get it over . Your lover is NOT your WIFE. I want to be the first to tell you She will find out. {Your wife }"If Not from you someone else. Better from you. You can not still have feelings for your lover. and repent at the same time. They just don't go together. They're like oil and water. Do the right thing Be a stand up man tell your wife. She might forgive you, she might leave you but remember honesty is the best policy.If you are truly sorry for what you did tell her. and mean it.

Answer 3

I know that honesty is said to be the best policy but in this case it is best for you not to say anything. It would be very selfish of you to tell her to make yourself feel better and alleviate guilt and in the end cause more hurt and pain for your siginificant other. This however does not excuse the behavior and you should maybe seek some sort of counseling. You need to get to the root of why you cheated in the first place and fix the issues that you have within yourself that caused you to do such a thing. You need to learn from this mistake and NOT repeat it.

Answer 4

If you think that your lover or her husband will tell, then you should probably let your wife know. Otherwise, keep your damn mouth shut unless you want to ruin your marriage and your wife's happiness. No, really, why would she want to know? It would just hurt her, in order to what? Make yourself feel better? No, you were wrong, so you don't get to feel better at her expense. You need to look at yourself and your marriage to figure out why you cheated. Maybe you guys need counseling, maybe you need therapy, whatever. But as long as the other guy isn't about to drag you all on Springer and there's no STDs or babies involved, your wife probably doesn't need to have her trust and peace of mind destroyed that way.

Answer 5

Yes you should tell her. She has a right to know what has been going on behind her back so that she can make an educated decision to stay or go. You should be depressed and ashamed of yourself. The least you can do now is act like a man and own up to what you have done to your wife and your children. Maybe if you are lucky she will forgive you but I hope she doesn't. NO ONE deserves to be cheated on for any reason.

Answer 6

If you're not committed to your wife and are still feeling for the lover, you should tell your wife and get a divorce. Send the wife and kids a big child support check to repent for destroying their lives, and let them move on and be happy. Then you can think about you and what is making you unhappy.

Answer 7

Yes...confess to your wife about the affair. You are going to have to be honest if you want to get your marriage back on track. Otherwise, do the right thing and leave the marriage if you want to pursue other relationships. You owe her that much respect. And what makes you think your lover's spouse is not going to 'spill the beans' ? You have alot of soul searching to do. Good luck.

Answer 8

His poor wife? So is it your anger and resentment that has prompted you to tell his wife? All of a sudden you feel morally responsible? Think about it. If he is a serial cheater, she already knows. About you and the others. By telling the wife you are holding on to the drama. It is time to let go and move on. Take the high road. You are better than that and him.

Answer 9

It's hard to say without knowing more about your marriage. However, I would say no, don't tell. It won't take back what you've done and will cause more pain to your family. You need to decide how to move on...do you want to stay in your marriage? Your ex-lover will most likely be back and you will need to be prepared to deal with that. More importantly, you need to deal with your current state of depression. Sometimes for men, it's as simple as finding someone to confide in.

Answer 10

Well you know her, how will it change things? Is she going to find out anyway? If you still have feelings for your lover then you better make up your mind what you are going to do. No matter what, you had better be prepared for a long road.