November 10th is the anniversary of the death of my first born son 4 years ago. He died in our (my wife and I) arms. His passing was roughly a year after I lost my best friend in a tragic accident. I witnessed this from 50 feet away but could not save him. He passed in my arms on the way to the emergency room. My heart is broken and I feel real pain there. Thier deaths replay in my mind and I often wonder what I could have done different. I wonder...why me. How do I learn to live with this? How do I let go.
Sincere replies only. Thank you in advance for your thoughts
2006-10-23 08:41:05 · 9 answers · asked by Digging for answers 3 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
No doubt others suffer greater than I. I do not seek to quantify grief. Just a means to cope. Time is but part of the equation. The hardest part is being the one that acknowleged the medical staff when they asked if my son should be extubated. He had reached a point where we wereonly prolonging the inevitable. I have to live with ending my sons life.
2006-10-23 09:00:50 · update #1
I know and feel your loss, and am sorry. My daughter died by suicide in May. The grief, I know, is unbearable. I've been reading a book called "Healing After Loss" which is a collection of daily meditations. There's a thought for the day, which you can dwell on and feel better. It helps me. Beyond that, I believe it takes a long time to heal.
2006-10-23 08:54:51 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel inadequate to answer your question, although my wife is expecting our first child. I know I would be stricken by grief for ever if something would happen to either of them, the pain would never completely go away.
Faith in God would be many people's answer, there must be comfort in the idea/illusion that one day you will meet again. But as I am an atheist, I can't subscribe to this view. My "belief" is that life simply isn't fair and that we are all exposed to chance: good luck and bad luck. It is obvious that you really had a massive dose of the latter more than once and my heart goes out to you.
But just because you have been dealt a rotten hand by life doesn't mean that the future is also bleak. Good hands will come along, but you have to be able to recognise them and play them. I suggest you and your wife talk with someone you really trust (maybe a professional or group?) about your pain and how you can come to terms better with the horrible events of the past. Good luck buddy.
2006-10-23 09:57:29 · answer #2 · answered by Thou Shalt Not Think 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am very sorry for your losses. What you are going through is normal- the grieving process is different for everyone.
Have you considered talking with a counselor? It could be a clergy person or perhaps a medical professional. These individuals are trained in grief counseling. Local hospitals also offer support groups for those grieving. You may want to take advantage of these services.
They won't bring back your loved ones, but the services and guidance they offer may help.
God bless you.
2006-10-23 08:52:50 · answer #3 · answered by Malika 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you believe in God? I think God is the only one who can give you peace. Also, even though you are going through so much pain that I can't even imagine, time will help the hurt as well. I know it's already been four years since your son's passing. So, I think you should pray a lot and I will remember you in my prayers also.
I wish I could say more to ease your suffering.
2006-10-23 08:46:39 · answer #4 · answered by Michelle 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I've been there....and more. There is no secret solution someone is going to give you. You accept that it happened, that everyone dies and you move on with your own life instead of wasting it dwelling on things you can't change. That doesn't mean you don't care or aren't hurt by the loss. It means your intelligent and mature enough to continue.
2006-10-23 08:45:19 · answer #5 · answered by ~Gate~ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am very sorry for your losses. Our family lost a dear friend a few years ago and it was very difficult. Make sure you don't try to forget your loved ones. Look at pictures of them and talk about them. If you learn to talk about them, you celebrate their lives and never forget, but you can still move on.
I hope I have been of help.
2006-10-23 08:46:24 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You will never "get over it". Nobody ever gets over losing loved ones. The only thing that happens is that over time, you eventually adjust to their absence, but I don't believe there's any way to speed-up the process.
2006-10-23 08:49:43 · answer #7 · answered by The Truth Hurts! Ouch! 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Time sweetheart.... only time will allow you, not to ever get over it, but to ease your sorrow and make your days gentler..... time and the warmth of your pèople.
2006-10-23 08:48:56 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
firstable youy have to suronder at God, He is the only way that i know to feel better... look at him. He loves you. and He is with you´r little boy...
2006-10-23 09:13:50 · answer #9 · answered by tunny 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋