aside from my other question... how do i get people to see why i stay with him...?

Question

yes, my husband is abusive, but not all the time.. it only seems to be when i tell him how he pissed me off and hurt me. He thinks i should say my peace and drop it. but he never says im sorry or understand why im hurt. but im still supposed to let it go. If not it usally ends up with me pinned on the floor and messed up. Im getting really tired of the abuse, my parents know about it but they think its as often as it is. He really needs help. he crys after words and tells me how he doesnt want to do this to me , and sometimes he says "its ok, its me, im back" im not sure if this is bi polar or manic or what... but we usually get along great in general and we have so much in life in common plus we have kids... i want to stay with him, i just wish hed stop , and he says he wont call a doctor and that i have to go see one because i need the help.. i dont understand... any other women in this situation??

Answer 1

No but I know a lot of other women who have been in your situation and there is no way to make someone understand your reasons for staying with your husband. You should seek help if you're willing to remain with him. You two may need counseling. If he's not willing to go then you need to in order to find out why you feel that your worth is so minimal. You deserve so much better than what an abusive husband can offer you.I wish you nothing but the best and I will keep you in my prayers.

Answer 2

Look, if he's being physically abusive, something needs to stop. It's not enough that he's sorry after wards, no matter how sincere he may make it out to be. You either need to leave or you need to let him know that he needs to get help. It's not ok for him to man handle you, or any kind of physical abuse he may inflicting on you. If he was truly sorry he 'would' go see a doctor or something of the sort. He's not though. You're foolish for having stayed with him. Has he not seriously hurt you yet? That's ok, just wait a while. Where you find a bruised arm, a black eye will follow, maybe a broken bone later, maybe a beating so severe that you're put in the hospital for a long period of time or maybe even death? I know that not every guy who has a temper enough to hit their spouse will kill them too, but you are supposed to be his most precious thing in the world. You're his 'partner' in life. Yet he hits you? You yourself may have problems, none of them justify physical abuse. I suggest you tell him you're going to seek help in handling situations better (whether you need it or not) and ask him to do the same with his temper. He'll be much more willing to do this if he's not the only one doing it.

Answer 3

I'm a guy who was very much like your husband (sporatic anger and even crying afterward, bi polar-not diagnosed but i questioned it too), the "i'm back its okay" stuff is kinda true and kinda a cop out so that you can forgive him easier(it wasn't really him), i went to a shrink for anger management because i care about my girlfriend and the person i am. i am not a bad guy. all he did was hand me a paper explianing what anger was, i quit going to see him after only 1 visit. my point is the education and knowledge empowered me with simple things that make it easier to control myself. however i didn't stop with just that paper the doc gave me, it actually wasn't that great, but i did find a lot better educational information just by googling words like anger and anger management. if he isn't willing to at least try to better understand himself then i suggest you leave him. if he can't do a little research to help himself out then he doesn't want to change, and he never will. think of the kids you don't want you little boys growing up and hitting girls or your little girls thinking this is the way girls are supposed to be treated (whichever you have or both) i hope this helps. i have never answered a yahoo question before. if you need to email me please [e-mail]

Answer 4

You stay with him, because you live for the good times you have shared. You live in the hope that he will one day see the hurt he has brought to your life and turn around and love you like you deserved to be loved from the start. You want the dream of forever with him, but deep down inside you know will never happen, because he is not willing to change or admit he has a problem. Don't live for the dream, make your own dream come true. I understand .

Answer 5

You're stupid to be with a man that is abusive ANYTIME EVER! If you keep putting up with it, he will keep doing it. Make him take anger management classes if he's so " sorry". This whole "im back" bullsheit sounds like a sorry excuse to me. Get away from him before he really hurts you.. it's not healthy for your kids either. Bipolar dosen't mean you're an idiot and then snap out of it, read up on bi polar so you understand what it is, so he can't use it as an excuse, and neither can you.

Answer 6

Holy crap.... abuse is abuse, no matter how often it happens! The only time you should be pinned down is when you're breathing heavy with passion and WANT to be pinned down! What he's doing to you is physical and then he double slams you with some emotional, "I'm don't want to do this to you...." Screw that. If he didn't want to do it, he wouldn't!!!
The only way you're going to get past this is to either get him some help or get the hell out of there before he does something worse. I understand that sometimes he's not abusive, but the fact that he is other times is super disturbing... Get help or get out.
Good Luck!
Aloha!!

Answer 7

I can shed some light on where he's coming from.
Your husband is a "deep thinker".
His true nature is to be somewhat thoughtful and romantic.
Far from trying to brush you off, "say your piece and drop it" is a signal that he needs time to absorb the information and figure out exactly what to do. One day, out of the blue, he will walk up to you and hug you and say "I'm sorry for .....".
He will try to modify his behaviour to suit you but he needs time.
What you need to do is learn that from his point of view each issue is only a theme within the relationship, not a pivoting point.

Answer 8

There is no reason to stay with a man who is abusive unless you are not smart enough to leave. Whether it is physical abuse or emational abuse, abuse is abuse and you should leave ASAP. No excuses, love is not worth being abused. If he is abusive towards you, odds are he will abuse your children, how does that sound to you? If he is bipolar he needs to seek medical help, even so, that is no excuse. Unless you are too stupid, then leave now and do not look back. Unless you want to end up dead.

Answer 9

I know you are asking for advice, but if u don't mind me "preaching" I would like to say that to me it seems you are justifying what he does to you. Yes he may have a problem, but you think for a second that b/c he cries after it's ok you are wrong!!! I know that it is alot easier to say then do but if you cared and loved your self you would know that it is not ok for a man to put his hands on you to harm you at all, I hate when i hear thing like this b/c it is really sad but you come first, you are in danger and need to relizeit, I don't care if he hits you once a year GET RID OF GHIM. you may love him,sure but you need to love your self a little bit more then him right know. Sorry for "preaching" good luck

Answer 10

No one can help you but yourself. When you hit rock bottom, and it is different for everyone, only then will you see the reality of your situation. You need to better understand yourself and why you allow yourself to be treated this way. No one deserves to be abused, physically, mentally or emotionally. Unfortunately, rock bottom for you may be when he kills you. You are worthy to be loved by someone that does not abuse you. Good luck.