What makes people neglect and abuse their children? How to put a stop to it?

Question

As a former social worker, I have witnessed many families in these situations. People have children as an afterthought and continue to keep it that way after they are born. Sometimes they pop out kids like popcorn, continuing to ignore or care for them. These poor children never seem to get enough to eat nor proper care and attention. The social service agencies are so overwhelmed with the high number of these cases, they can only take a few of the worst cases away from these "parents." No places to put them any how. What to do ? How do you get through to them? I am afraid of making them too angry as they may take it out on those poor babies.
(By the way, I was just accused of being rude by confronting one of these idiots online. After bragging about how many kids they poped out, the usual response when you ask how they could possibly care for that many is it is none of your busniness. Of course it is all of our business. Do you think I should have done that? )

Answer 1

I've witnessed terrible things too and I think some people just should not be parents. It really is horrible because abuse spawns abusers, my ex was a psychopath and he got it from his abusive mother.

Some parents pick favorites, some try to force their dreams into their kid and when the kid doesn't achieve those dreams the parents get pissed, some parents like having control over their kids and got addicted to it, and some people are just downright heartless.

Answer 2

I think asking why it happens (at the social worker level) is an exercise in futility. It's too late by then.
It simply doesn't matter.
If they've gone far enough that they're into the system, the #1 priority needs to be to protect the kids, and stop feeling sorry for the parents, and not have "keeping the family together" as the priority it is now.
"Keeping the family together" when it is an ABUSIVE family, is not an honorable goal, it's just perpetuating the torture.
In my opinion, this is what should be done:
The parents have access to counseling, therapy, etc., for a MAXIMUM of 6 months. If they haven't stopped their abuse by that time, THE KIDS SHOULD BE PERMANTENTLY ADOPTED OUT.

What happens now is, they abuse again, the kids to to foster care, then eventually back home.
The parents do it again, the kids go AGAIN to foster care, and this cycle repeats until the kids are 18 years old and their chance at having had a stable, loving family are over forever.
I don't believe in foster care for over 6 months, or a year at the most.
If a parent can't get their act together, or actually CARE about their kids in that period of time, then the kids need to go away permanently, not bounced around to endless foster families.
This also would ease up the caseload, because in 6 months or a year, this problem family has been deal with, and would not be bouncing into the system for years on end, as is done now.

Answer 3

I have seen two daughters of a neglectful (not really abusive) family grow up very different.
One followed the example of her mother, just hoping that somebody else would make life nice for her. She had multiple men, several children, and couldn't understand why social services and the school system kept bothering her about the children.
The other decided early on that she was not going to live that way. She got a job, picked a very nice and responsible guy, got married, had 2 children, bought a house, even put the kids in private school.
They both had the same information, but lived so differently.
How will their respective children turn out? No guarantees, but you can guess.

Answer 4

Much of this lies in power and powerlessness issues. It's a transference thing...feeling absolutely powerless over your life can lead to exerting absolute power over someone elses.

Then there are those people who genuinely ARE cruel at heart.

Not to excuse any of these low-lifes. If you are too stressed to treat children (smaller, weaker human beings with no understanding of why, what or where any of this abuse comes from), then you should do them the favor of walking away...don't think that you will "hurt" them by your absence when you presence is the obvious cause of their suffering.

I DO NOT include those who spank (as opposed to BEAT) their kids. Sometimes words cannot convey their import to a child. A considered and deliberate swat to the hand or the buttocks is one thing. A full blown, anger driven assualt is quite another.

I've heard those who argue that having a child involves MUCH more potential danger to society than an active alcoholic having a driver's license or even a loaded handgun or both. The damage you do to your child will rebound upon others as your child matures and gains more power to affect the world around him/her. Tormented children learn that the "normal" way to act is to hurt others. Lessons learned early are hard ones to undo.

Were it not antithetical to my core beliefs surrounding human freedom, I would strongly advocate that prospective parents have to apply for a license to breed.




Kids: Love 'em or leave 'em.

Answer 5

I don't know.....I could never have children, adopted my son, he is now 22 years old and he is my life. The best thing that ever came into this world I say....But I seen a women at the store the other day, she had a baby in her arms, it was her daughters baby, it was burning up with a fever, had some kind of blisters on her forehead, and she couldn't have been over 2 mos old. She was arguing with her daughter about taking it to a hospital, her daughter ignored her and was talking and laughing on her cell to her bf. So I know what you mean and I feel sorry for allot of children these days.

Answer 6

right this is the way it extremely is defined in social artwork practise: Chid abuse is an act of comission. You strike a baby, you molest a baby, you burn a baby. baby abuse is usually something that the police will arrest for. a baby's injuries or a baby being molested is additionally a criminal. actual abuse can embody something as minor as a bruised buttocks from a spanking to a broken bone and burns. Sexual abuse is utilising a baby in any manor for sexual gratification. This includes fondling a baby, raping a baby, making a baby carry out sexual acts, sodomy, making a baby watch pornography, and exposure. overlook is an act of omission. you do no longer supply something for a baby which you relatively prefer. this might contain supervision. which includes if a determine is incapacitated via drugs or alcohol around a baby they're neglecting that baby via fact they might't supply. This additionally includes no longer taking a baby to the well being practitioner for mandatory medical medical care, no longer offering nutrition, having a horribly grimy domicile, having horribly grimy babies, and so on. touch your interior reach social provider company, or the police, to checklist.

Answer 7

Perhaps you could start a parenting class for parents who are neglectful. Often it is just they don't know how to raise children. Don't do it like a punishment or threat, but just say help is available? Make a poster "Are your kids driving you nuts?" Find out how to deal with them! Something along those lines anyway.
It may free up your time to focus on the abuse cases,

Answer 8

i think we should have some type of Mandatory OR Optional (obviously depending on funding, etc etc) Classes for Married Couples, and then before having Children....

a lot of people have no idea what they're getting into before marriage.... some sort of counseling/class might help (i know Catholic Church Requires it for impending nuptials!!).... also, when about to have a baby, along with lamaze class should be something that indicates the importance of the first few years, and emphasizing love and care, etc etc... ?? is that going to work? i do'nt know...but it's way more important than surviving financially.. i think there are alot of well of people as well who would benefit from these classes, not just those who are poor.

Answer 9

I wish I knew the real reason for this abuse....it makes me crazy to think that there are people out there dying to have kids....and there are people hurting innocent children so badly.

I know abused children....they end up really messed up, even after they get out of the situation.

And as to the question about confronting a bad mom online...go you!!!!