I really need help, can someone PLEASE help me with this?

Question

I have a mild form of Autism, my husband is big on respecting him based on how his family treated him. It seems like their are always things comming up that he feels I'm disrepecting him because the things I do he would not do. He gets angry he has thrown thing in anger, hit things across the room, he will tell me to shut up when frustrated or say he doesn ot ******* care when I want to talk about something, he acts in these ways because he feels he is not being respected by me and blames my autism. He tells me he loves me, but because of how he acts to me I don't beleive him,and I question his love.He has become very defensive about telling me what he does, or about his life when I ask. Just yestarday he made a comment and said "There are people out there who DO respect me." He says i have a problem with insecurties and he is sick of it, but I feel that HE has created this insecurity within me. This is a visous cycle and I need help, it seems like everything is about him. and that he

just wants to blame me. And does not want to share anything with me about his outside life. Please please help me....its a terrible cycle and I cry everyday...can anyone give me any advise? what is going on here?????

yes to get respect you have to give it, but he's like I don't like you asking me about the details of my day, I don't like this and this and this....things keep piling up with him.....its like walking on egg shells.

When my husband said their are people out there who do respect me, i think he's reffering to another woman, and I right?

Answer 1

Dealing with an abusive husband on top of the autism is more than you should have to put up with. Since you cannot simply end your autism you need to end your marriage, and you should do it before his verbal abuse becomes physical.

Answer 2

Their are several things going on in your situation. My first piece of advice is to leave the situation any time you feel your safety is at risk.

My second would be to think about counseling either for both of you or even just yourself so that you can process your situation in a safe place. Talking with a third (non emotionally involved) person like a psychologist or counselor can often help you to look at your situation differently.

The biggest question I would tell you to ask is :
Are you both committed to see this through?
If you aren't (either one of you) it won't work. Just one of you can't solve your problems as a couple.

As for your diagnosis of Autism, he knew this when he asked you to marry him, what do you think has changed? Many people with that diagnosis can have very fullfilling lives. Don't let that become the thing you both blame for these problems. It may very well be contributing to whatever the real issue is underneath, but most likely is not the true source of your concerns.

I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 3

Honey I don't think he is respecting you. There is no reason he should be throwing things, swearing and yelling at you. He is blaming you for his own insecurity and the more you allow it the less you will think of yourself. I work with autistic adults and children and regardless of you having a mild form he has no reason to blame his actions on your condition. There are big problems if he is keeping secrets and making comments like "there are people out there who do respect me". Once you lose trust in someone it takes alot of work by both parties to get it back. If he is not willing to work with you to repair the damage that has been done to your marriage then you are better off without him. I was unhappily married for 8 yrs, divorced now for 2 years and I feel soo much better like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I am not suggesting divorce to you but he has to be willing to meet you half way to have a successful happy marriage.

Answer 4

Remember respect goes both ways in a marraige. With him responding to you the way that he does...shows lack of respect on his towards you. This could definately feed your insecurities. Even though you do have autism in the slightest manner...this just sounds like an unhealthy relationship. He sounds like he has anger management issues and maybe he needs to confront that with some classes. I would seek some outside help such as a marriage counselor.

Answer 5

Hi may I say How I feel for you know matter what your disability your husband has no right to treat you like this .
please don't put up with this treatment there are many men out there that would respect you for how you are not what you are.
please don't suffer years of pain from this man as he will not change.
look deep inside yourself do you really love this man how treats you this way or do you stay because of fear of the unknown being out there on your own?
please don't judge all us men by his standard because not all of us treat you lady's that way .
Next time he is having a go at you YOU TELL HIM RESPECT HAS TO BE EARNED .
I feel that you will only be happy when you find another man how will earn your respect not expect it as if you owe it to him.
please feel free to write back if you feel the need and good luck and I wish you well

Answer 6

You seem to have a genuine loss of control over your emotions and it's no wonder with the type of guy your in a relationship with. Your relationship with your husband fringes on inconsistencies and truly unpredictable.
From your husbands standpoint it seems that he has not contributed to any of the problems in your marriage. Talk about an unrealistic attitude. What's the matter with this guy? He seems to have developed a fantastic talent for ignoring his responsibility towards you and his marriage.
As for you, well you probably know that he is a jerk and you already know that he hurts you very much, on the other hand you don't doubt that he loves you and needs you! And you also know, from your post, that he is the one responsible for your insecurities! What it seems to me is that you are hooked on this guy and his intermittent schedule of love, attention, and good behavior, so much so that your emotions are out of control.
Listen girl, it's not what you did or did not do to him, but rather his behavior, on how he was feeling that makes you feel as you do. His style of relating to you is dangerous and emotionally abusive. Your whole relationship is not emotionally balanced, in the sense that the positive aspects of your relationship are inconsistent and uncontrollable.
A person who goes through life blaming others for his problems will never improve. You see, he can't learn anything by his mistakes because, in his opinion, he doesn't make any mistakes. So he goes right on doing things the same over and over, with no hope of bettering himself. In fact, nobody can help someone who doesn't want to be helped. Likewise, in a marriage, if either partner is perfectly satisfied with his contribution to the relationship, there's no way he can be made to change his mind.
I seriously hope you consider your relationship with your husband thourghly, if he does not want some type of change such as councelling to happen, it would be best to get out of such a relationship. Each partner is responsible for a healthy, happy relationship.
If you simply cannot or will not choose to end the relationship, for whatever reason, try at least to keep in mind that the basic problems arise from your husband's personality. Focusing as such will buffer to some degree on your emotions. But I would be dishonest if I didn't tell you that the chances of this kind of man changing much are negligible. There may be some kind of improvements, but a personality disorder such as you described your husband, runs pretty deep in his character and won't readily change. Even if some changes were to happen, the cost to your self-esteem and your mood would be very costly.
If you continue your involvement with your husband, I would seriously consider seeking proffesional help if only for your sake. This way, at least, you will have a chance to feel good about yourself and to examine your alternatives for gaining more control over your own life. Good Luck and God Bless.

Try looking in this web site as they have pretty good resourses for troubled marriages.

Answer 7

You need to find someont to help you leave an abusive relationship. you both need to be treated for the emotional dysfunction you have lived in. You have right to live in a nurturing and loving environment, and so does he, you both need some help. Talk to a friend and tell them what you wrote here

Answer 8

He's doing it 2 u. He is playing head games. I bet he said that he is the best thing that has happened to u. If so U can & deserve better than him. Take care & God Bless

U deserve a lot better, if I was u I would get out.

Answer 9

He is the one with the insecurities. He totally needs to seek professional help, and you totally need to move on to someone who will love and respect you.
The way he treats you gives you every right to question his love. Move on and God bless!!

Answer 10

OK there is two things you can do. 1 you can just get a divorce because you want to be happy and not be miserible. or 2 if you want your marriage to last then just try to sit down and talk to him and say today lets do something to gather that he wants to do and try to talk it out.