i have lived with my boyfriend for about a year and a half. recently i have noticed that he has been rather distant, but i just put it down to him trying to make an effort with his new friends (we moved away from our home town).
last week he randomly told me that he had fallen out of love with me, and that he was moving out. he has made no move towards looking for a new flat or going to stay at a friends. he keeps saying one thing and then saying another....one minute its "i still care for you and i want to work out our issues", the next its "i feel nothing for you and im moving out".
Any advice on what to do??
2006-10-23 08:06:58 · 29 answers · asked by fifs_c 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Tell him its one or the other - he either wants to work it out or he wants to leave. But if he doesn't want to be with you, he needs to get out becasue its hard on the both of you to be in that kind of situation. And if he wants to work on it, you can't work it out by yourself (if he's distant, he has blocked communication with you to a certain point) so you need to sit down with him, tell him how you feel and say that you're willing to work on it (if you want that) if he's willing to try too. I hope everything goes well!!!
2006-10-23 08:11:38 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Alright I hope this helps I have quite a few relationships where I was with a nut. This is just speculating but He may be dating or interested in someone else however that person is leading him on and he doesn't know where to leave basically he is in limbo until that other person makes a move. Frustration is a good clue too. He may be frustrated with the way things are. Do you argue alot? Whatever it may be, sounds like he doesn't know when to leave maybe he just doesn't. If he has murmured the words I feel nothing towards you and the I care for you then he does care for you but he doesn't love you.
Best bets= give him the attitude that it's ok to leave don't be clingy just let him go. If he comes back then he is an emotional whore. He loves the arguing. Believe it or not I had a guy that all he loved to do was argue, even when I did nothing wrong. I left him and today am with the most wonderful man in the universe. if you find that you want that wonderful man....he is out there with all the other fish, you just have to go fishing.
2006-10-23 08:15:04 · answer #2 · answered by Joy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only you can decide what to do and how you feel, which you haven't said. It all seems to be about him. If you love someone, let them go. If they come back, thaey are yours to keep if they don't they were never yours anyway'. These are true words. If its not possible to let him go cos he wont move out, then take a step back and don't put pressure on him so give you an answer. Use this time to work on yerself, are you happy with your life and where its going. Are you stuck in a rut. Be honest with yourself and start to make the changes you would like to see in you. Good luck!
2006-10-23 08:24:35 · answer #3 · answered by Sharon H 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't give up on this. Ask yourself how things were back in your home town - were you good together? If things were good then he is probably finding the move away upsetting - he's home sick. Was he close to family / friends? Does he miss them? Try and see this from his position and then try to think how he feels. Once you've done that you should understand what's at the bottom of all this and start to address the issues. In the meantime ask yourself if you want to carry on?
2006-10-23 08:23:06 · answer #4 · answered by Sam 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I t sounds lilke your boyfriend is very confused right now, and might be a little depressed since the move. Depression some-
times makes it hard to realize what you really want. Be patient
with him, and give him some time to figure things out. Maybe you can help him find some new and interesting things to do to make up for the move. Hopefully he will become more adjusted
and if he doesn't, then maybe the time apart will make him see
what he really wants. Good luck!!!
2006-10-23 08:17:14 · answer #5 · answered by magpie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think probably your boyfriend doesn't love you, but he want's to love you because he remembers what fun you used to have together in the beginning. All too often women get steady or live with a guy and they forget to be fun, and give the male their attention anymore, and it becomes all about them. So they start to complain and critisize more. It's not intentional and they don't even realise they are doing it, but each critisism starts to build up in a mans head, and they don't shrug them off as easily as they appear to. Eventually they end up resenting the woman for not taking their feelings into consideration, because they realise if the woman truly loved them, she would not hurt them so easily, and thoughtlessly. I know it's long winded but it realy is about looking at things from the man's point of view sometimes. They have feelings too
2006-10-23 08:54:11 · answer #6 · answered by pamperpooch39 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Cohabiting relationships are usually fragile and very few cohabitants stay together for long.They are always likely to break up regardless of age or income. Both men and women in cohabiting relationships are more likely to be unfaithful to their partners.
Your partner is already showing the symptoms of cheating hence his indecision in choosing whether to stay with you or not. Once the unknown girlfriend finds accomodation or allows him to come and share her abode, you will see your boyfriend vacating your premises.
So, you have to end this relationship now unless if you tolerate his cheating. Tell him you cannot go on like this as he is still uncertain about his commitment to your relationship.
Cohabitation to me is a trial phase leading to a marriage, but it has failed to live up to what most people would like it to be. Don't agree to such relationships unless if you know you are antimarriage.
2006-10-23 09:04:25 · answer #7 · answered by marizani 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Catch him off gaurd and give him 'the big chat', sit him down and lay it on the line! tell him exactly what its doing to you but dont be week, if the chat doesnt come out ok, tell him if he cant sort it out he'll have to leave (give him a time, a week or so) dont go off your head but be totaly frank. This way you will feel good about your self however it turns out
Hope that helps
Pete
2006-10-23 08:30:11 · answer #8 · answered by Pete F 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he thinks you are the same person that you use to be.maybe he thinks that you have changed and that one thing he use to love about you is gone. Maybe he knows that yall are faling apart but he wants to make things work between yall. Or maybe he just tried of you. Yal be together well livong on the same house for a year so maybe he's tried of you.
2006-10-23 08:12:47 · answer #9 · answered by take it or leave it 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he's messing with your head, tell him he either wants you or he doesn't, you cannot go on not knowing what he wants, ask him why he's doing this and why his feelings have changed, maybe he has a new love in his life but does not want you to know, tell him he's really hurting you, he either loves you or he don't, and if he says he is moving out again, then help him pack
2006-10-23 08:27:32 · answer #10 · answered by ketchanski 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋