I've been with my girlfriend for almost two years. We met on Yahoo so her uncle did a background check on me but this was over a year ago. We had our first major fight and just now do we find out about this background check. The thing is I have nothing serious in my background, no felonies, just some minor stuff from 10 years ago. They are blowing it up only now and it doesn't matter anyway because I have already discussed my past with my girlfriend and never hid anything from her. Now her family is trying hard to keep us apart and break us up. They are putting a lot of pressure on her and it's destroying our relationship. On top of everything else a family member of hers just had a major stroke and everyone is dealing with that so she doesn't want to upset anyone further but she really loves me and wants to make this work. Do we stand a chance? How do we politely get them to leave
us alone and let us work out our own problems?
2006-10-23 07:24:04 · 13 answers · asked by redsoxxfan 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
If your girlfriend has a close loving family, this isn't going to happen. They want the best for her and probably won't stop intruding in your relationship until they get their way. I would just keep proving myself to them. Be polite and understanding, also be the best man for her that you can be. They eventually won't be able to resist you. Love usually always proves itself in the end. Good luck to both of you.
2006-10-23 07:31:18 · answer #1 · answered by june clever 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow~ That is quite the predicament! I am definately not an expert but here are my thoughts... First of all I am a very family oriented individual and know that how my family feels truly does matter. On that same note though I actually hit a minor bump in the road with my fiance where some family members of mine decided to start small wars within my immediate family regarding my boyfriend and inadvertantly put my parents on edge (I was not happy to say the least). Fortunately everything worked itself out and my parents saw who the real problems were. Anyways what I'm trying to get at is even during that time I found myself feeling very protective of my fiance. I had never known I would ever feel so much for another person especially against my own family. I feel that only time will tell what the out come of your situation will be. It all depends on how strongly your feelings are for one another. And even more specifically how strongl your girlfriend's feelings are for you! I know this is starting to sound like you verses them but it kinda is. This is just a test of the strength of your relationship and it isn't unheard of. It's just an obstical that the two of you will need to work through. And if your girlfriend truly does love you as much as you say she does, then she will need to stick up for you and more importantly for the TWO of you as a couple. And tell her parents that she loves you and they either need to stand up for her happiness or just let the both of you be. Best Wishes
2006-10-23 07:50:16 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Follow Shinia T's advice. Her's looks like the best. I had the same problem when I had a best friend who came out of jail. We were just best friends but still my sibling and mother judged him.
Some people are just so close minded especialy when they live in a rural area and the only ourside world is tv and internet. As for the backround check. I'd be pleased that her family did that type of thing b/c that proves there a real loving family. Good Luck with everything.
2006-10-23 07:42:58 · answer #3 · answered by missgigglebunny 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because you met on the Internet.. they are going to butt in and that's all there is to it. You hear all the time about relationships on the Internet,stories of pedophiles etc. they are not going to trust you and that's it.
My man's kids do the same about me, we also met on the Internet, but they are starting to find that I am a 'normal' person... so they are starting to back off now.
Just grin and bare it. The family is just going to have to watch and learn for a bit longer... till the family learns you too are normal.. if you are that is :) lol.
2006-10-23 07:31:12 · answer #4 · answered by Jas 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How approximately for the reason that couples counseling BEFORE making a decision to get married? Speaking from revel in, if in case you have already had "plenty of u.s.a.and downs" to your courting and simplest been in combination for four years... that is now not some thing you base a wedding on or wish to maintain. Counseling would possibly furnish some way for the 2 of you to be more potent as a household unit. If the household and peers see you're being sensible and dependable approximately this union, they could also be extra accepting and a lot more supportive.
2016-09-01 01:28:01 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't matter whether you have had felonies or whatever in the past or not. It is pretty shady for them to do that background check. Anyway, you might wanna ask yourself how much you like this girl. Personally, I feel that if you REALLY REALLY like her then go light with her family--give them some times to process their thoughts and attitude regarding your relationship. Sooner or later they will get over it and let it go. BUT if this is just a fling, you can either take it very slow or just leave. Too much problem to go through if this girl is just a crush. Good luck!
2006-10-23 07:30:48 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
How did her family get into you and her business anyway? I heard what you said about the background check. That was a good thing to do! That should not have bother you! And since you two been together for 2 years now, what has been going on that the family needs to get into your business? Are you messing up? How old are you both?
2006-10-23 07:30:36 · answer #7 · answered by Child of God 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband was in the same situation as you. Your girlfriend needs to learn how to stand up to her family and ultimately tell them that this is who she wants to be with and that she still loves them but if they can't be polite to you and accept you then she is going to have less to do with them and still be with you but she needs to make this decision and it might upset some people but she needs to do what's right for her and her life.
2006-10-23 07:29:15 · answer #8 · answered by Meg 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should go back to your own strengths ...
You have a job, you have a place to live.
The best thing you can do is to drop the subject of her family.
Don't bring them into the conversation, don't refer to them, don't include them.
Just carry on your relationship with her as if they don't exist.
Explain it to her.
You are happy to see her when she wants to see you.
If she can't see you for "family reasons" then as far as you are concerned it just means she hasn't got time to see you.
Don't engage with her family on their terms. Shut the door on them, and don't open it again until they are ready to be polite.
2006-10-23 07:36:40 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
In relationships where the family easily distracts the relationship in question, one of the persons in the relationship allows this behavior. If your girlfriend keeps allowing their input, even after you and her have discussed your past then she is the problem. She has to tell her family that she is happy and is aware of all your past issues and is willing to move on and doesn't want any more of their distractions and really move on. If she keeps allowing them to contribute to the problem, she is as much of the problem as they are. She needs to give them some boundaries when it comes to your private life.
2006-10-23 07:36:34 · answer #10 · answered by Kendra J 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋