We just had a new baby girl, which we both love dearly. She is a happy healthy baby too. I just started back to work and I am very tired now. But her Dad doesnt seem to help me out too much. I work, make meals, get myself ready and of course take care of our daughter. I do the night feedings, changing diapers, bath time, put her sleep, and he plays with her. Why do I get stuck with all the hard stuff....I thought it was supposed to be split up. Plus I want her to grow a stronger bond with her father because to this day I still do not have one with mine....
How do I say in the nicest way possible .... I NEED HELP! to my fiance....
2006-10-23 07:17:31 · 21 answers · asked by Jewelz 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Newborn & Baby
Usually the father's are scared to help. You should take a very loving approach and maybe ask him to do something at that time. He might want to help but doesn't know how or doesn't think you need his help. Women think much differently than men. What a woman thinks is important is usually not as important to a man. Just try to get him involved and do the things together in the beginning and then maybe he will catch on to how it should be done and start doing it automatically.
2006-10-23 07:22:18 · answer #1 · answered by robbin m 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can't force him to form a bond with your daughter, it will just create more problems that you can't handle right now.
Being a mother means you have to do all the hard work, we did all the hard work for 9 months while pregnant, and we will continue to do all the hard work for the next 18 years.
If your fiance was raised in a home where dad worked and mom stayed home with the kids, he'll have that same mindset with his family.
It's the same way with my family, I do all the "not so fun" stuff, then when my fiance gets home he gets all the playtime. Look at it this way, at least when dad plays with your daughter, it gives you free time to take care of yourself. Take a bath, read a book, or catch up on shows you've missed on TV.
You may miss your fiance and daughter bonding, because a big neon light wont blink above there heads saying so. But their playtime is how they 'bond'. She's still a new addition to the family, and your fiance is still getting use to the fact of having his own child and may be adjusting slowly. You had 9 months to get to know your baby, the fathers dont have the same luxury because they cant bond during pregnancy like the mother can.
If you still want to say something to your fiance, just ask him for some extra help. Tell him that the stress is starting to get to you, and that if a few nights out of the week if he could take over total parental control. Don't nag, it'll only push him farther away and make him resentful of helping you out. After a while of keeping a routine of him helping you out certain nights, he'll start to enjoy helping.
2006-10-23 08:06:48 · answer #2 · answered by purelce 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well I think that is just they way of a man. My husband works and I stay home and do all the things that you do and when he gets home he really does not want a whole to do with the baby. (We have a boy). He tells me he does not know what to do with a baby. Try small things to get him involved. I do things like tell him that I need his help with a diaper change becaus he pooped to much and I don't want to get his feet in it. Or make is sound like your little girl wants him there. I say things like "Daddy come watch me take a bath". I don't expect my husband to give the bath but having him there is better then him watching a hockey game.
It is tough. I wish I had THE ANSWER for you but I don't think there is one. AS she gets older I think it will get better.
2006-10-23 07:27:28 · answer #3 · answered by Mrs. Ransom 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
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2016-10-16 06:05:46 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The nicest way in this case is the absolute truth. Let him know how very important it is to you that he have a relationship with his daughter. And let hime know that is really important for your daughter's development that he take a bigger role in her life. Even if he could only help with diaper changes, burpings, & getting her to bed, for example, this would be a huge help to you, and a way that he could really bond with her. Let him know that changing diapers for example is not just a chore, as he may think, but if she is awake & alert during at least of those changes, it is a GREAT time to "talk" with her, to coo & make the same noises that she is making. And to smile at her. He can even ask her questions, or just talk to her about his day. And if he can help burp her, she will get a stronger feeling of security with him when he holds her, and not just at burpings. And of course, when you talk to him about taking on a bigger role in your daughter's life, make sure to ask him questions, and to really listen to what he has to say. He could be afraid to be around her alot for a fear of hurting her somehow for example. Let him know that his concerns are important, and explain to him how he can help in a way that is comfortable for both of you.
2006-10-23 07:38:27 · answer #5 · answered by Sandra H 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just be like Honey, I love you but could you please help me out around the house more. I work all day, and i come home and work all night, i think i am going to go crazy if i dont get a full night sleep. once in a while will you change her, or feed her, or just make dinner tonight. I would really appreiate it. And i want you and her to have a wonderful bond. I'm really exahusted. Please help me out more i can't do it all on my own!
2006-10-23 07:41:05 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Show him this question that you wrote. Tell him how it bothers you. He's a new parent too. He doesn't yet know how to relate. Unfortunately he didn't get a "new dad manual". I had to go through this myself. They just don't really get it, until they are alone with the new baby for a few days.
2006-10-23 08:46:07 · answer #7 · answered by sexmagnet 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You just have to tell him that you need help. Let him know that you feel like you are caring for your daughter all alone and that you don't feel that he appreciates you at all. Tell him that you feel that he takes you for granted. When he starts doing things to help you out some try to build up his confidence. Tell him that he's doing a great job with her and that he is a good daddy. If he feels that you think he's doing good with her he'll want to do more. A lot of men are just afraid to help out because they are afraid we will criticize them (and we do sometimes). Bottom line is that he can't read your mind and if you want help you have to be up front and just tell him.
2006-10-23 07:46:42 · answer #8 · answered by Julie F 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
well i can tell you from experience that it is just something that males do. as the baby gets older the dad will come around and help more. they kind of feel a little anxiety. i mean men are all about being tough and "manly". a little baby makes them uncomfortable. you have to be soft and gentle. they are not used to that, so they back off completely
2006-10-23 07:29:24 · answer #9 · answered by psychologistnovelist 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Parenting is the hardest job in the world.Not only does he need to split the tasks with you 50/50 ,let him know that you are exhausted and if you were to get sick,he would need to know how to take care of your baby and you.
2006-10-23 07:51:57 · answer #10 · answered by Dylan aka Dilly 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋