sweet wings foated over head
broken from bodies
lain in rich but cold snow
and althought each had beed dead a year
only one was not whole
laying there angles fallen reflected snow
as snow
fingers long , fingers cold but the end,
the ends where cold onyxe glittering white
2006-10-23 07:11:41 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Philosophy
i wrote it for a freand thats why ...
2006-10-23 07:32:44 · update #1
well read : http://uk.blog.360.yahoo.com/blog-KAjGw0g1bq2P18ZB9JKMjynO8KOX;_ylt=AhuW7dI4YGfC8ROnhCsNOMAsFOJ3 to see
2006-10-23 07:35:29 · update #2
Very thought provoking.
I like the angel part
The sentence broken bodies, cuts the flow though.
2006-10-23 07:14:35 · answer #1 · answered by ANGEL-T 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Not bad, but I think that you need to work on it a bit. I think that the third line is weak- "lain in rich but cold snow"-my assumption is that "rich" refers to the ammount of snow, but that term seems to undercut the rest of your words. The use of the word "cold" before snow merely states the obvious- let me know when you find some warm or hot snow.
Not sure what 'yxe' in the last line refers to, but you probably meant to write 'ice'. Strongest lines and images in my view are line two, line five, and line eight. Don't worry when the public finds sadness in your work: the world does not need such an overflow of sugar-coated pablum. They can buy Hallmark cards or Thomas Kincaid paintings for that. Writing or painting sadness does not make the world a sadder place, but helps to heal, and allows the artist to work closer to his/her emotional center. Write fluffy happy pieces only when truly moved to do so, in honest appraisal of the world you know, not to please the public or make a buck. True art insists on truthfullness. Not bad, though...Good luck.
2006-10-23 07:39:47 · answer #2 · answered by Atticus Flinch 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well I have to admit it makes you think. Makes you think that the person who typed this out cant spell words correctly (which in aspect makes the whole meaning of the sentence or phrase change dramatically). But even if the words were spelled correctly.....it don't make sense.......rich snow? and each what had been dead a year? the wings? and what was not whole? and I presume its angels.....whats reflected snow as snow? and cold onyx (no e) glittering white just makes absolutely no sense at all....onyx is black and nothing else.......I'm going to have to admit that you will not be making any top sellers lists.....not in my book LOL
2006-10-23 07:21:53 · answer #3 · answered by LoriAnn 2 · 0⤊ 3⤋
Well poems are a very personal thing and very difficult to write. I know I've tried. I don't think this is a good poem but it has a lot of potential so keep working at it.
2006-10-23 07:31:14 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I quite liked that, love the words cold, snow, white, trailing through. It had a crisp winter feel to it, clean feeling. My opinion only. But I liked it. keep writing
2006-10-30 10:06:37 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It reminds me of winter in Narnia
2006-10-25 03:00:12 · answer #6 · answered by MI5 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What are you talking about? Poems like these get labeled as "classic", yet make no sense. Great.
2006-10-23 07:26:05 · answer #7 · answered by trafficjams 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
cold vision of death icy fingers curl over time
--
that do for a reaction? :)
2006-10-23 09:05:48 · answer #8 · answered by flowerpet56 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your poem sounds beautiful! You make good use of alliteration, with the soft "w," "f," and "s" sounds.
2006-10-23 07:23:35 · answer #9 · answered by Persephone 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Excellent - are there any more of your poems on the Internet?
2006-10-26 10:32:09 · answer #10 · answered by martin48732 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋