I'm so upset by what I have just found on his computer?

Question

I'm supposed to be getting married next June. I was just on my fiances computer and I found pictures of other women.
I wasnt looking for anything but I noticed his desktop backround was plain so I went into properties to change it and there I saw a pic file with a nude girl he used to date. So I start looking more and went into his documents and found 7 other pics of women. One was his ex girlfriend (who I caught him talking to a year ago behind my back) and others were girls he dated while we briefly broke up last year.
Wow, I am so upset. I can feel the tears filling in my eyes and I am shaky.

I did date one man after we broke up last year and I had a pic of him on my camera phone, well when my fiance found that pic on my cell phone when we got back 2gether he freaked out, went in another room and didnt talk to me for the whole night.
I am 99% sure they are old pics. but he didnt delete them and had that nude one pretty hidden. How do I confront him? Before when I confronted...

before when I confronted him about talking to his ex behind my back and other times when I confront him he gets really angry and calls me a psycho path.
how can i confront him in a mature way?
I am so upset I already left a message for my wedding coordinator seeing what to do to cancel wedding.

JD what are you talking about?
Whats his is mine now, we share everything. We both use eachothers computers. I was not looking for anything at first. I went to put a background on his desktop and found it.

I can not believe the negativity I got from some of you. You have a lot of nerve saying those things to me.I WAS NOT SNOOPING. I happened to come across the nude picture.
For those that gave me useful advice I thank you so much.
For those of you with nothing but negative things to say, stay out of my questions

I can take the heat, that is not a problem. What I cant take is when people cross the line and say things that are completely false.
I am not a psycho path nor am I a snoop.

Answer 1

This is a sure sign for you to not go ahead with marriage. He obviously isn't 100% committed. Please don't make the same mistake I made thinking they will change. Once your married, it gets worse.

My advice to you is to not say anything to him. Keep cool. Find a Christian church close in your neighborhood and go talk to the pastor there. The church can pray for you. Prayer is POWERFUL! The Lord will direct your path and trust me He will not direct you to trouble. Only Satan does that.
Take control of your situation and BE STRONG! Hold your head up high.

I pray you go and get some good godly advice!

Answer 2

I am half way across the globe hope this answer fits your culture and requirements.....

>> First things first .... Lucky that you are not married and
>> You have time before June.



Some facts

>> Almost all guys have at some point of time pic of girls even nude ones. (Our libido are high .......doesn't mean anything)

>> Its good in a way you saw it now, rather than seeing it after your marriage.

>> Don't worry about the snoopy thing. As I said most guys have these pics that they don't want others to see hence the comments.

>> One may even keep pic of their ex for some time. (esp true if its the lady who has dumped the man and he still has some soft corner for her) But seven pics ????

>> Tell me how the hell did you two manage to patch up and decide on a marriage when you knew that he had dated other girls (seven to be exact) when you broke BRIEFLY for just a year?

>> Be careful he may be the vindictive kind who has kept the pictue just so that he could show it to you if you decide break up again.

>> Is you photo there along with the girls. Hope he is not making a collection of you gals.


Things to do

>> Are you sure that they are the pic of girls that he dated when you two broke up and not something he picked up from the net..

>> Recollect the time when he saw the pic of a man in your phone. Did the confrontation and his anger help your relationship. I guess not.

>> There is no point in confronting him straight on. Sit back relax and give it a long thought.

> Does he really love you????
> You broke up for a year and he has be running around like a cassanova dating seven women and taking their pics in the nude
> You still want to marry this guy????
> I don't know ........

Answer 3

He should have gotten rid of that stuff if he was smart but some guys have a hard time parting with things. Secondly, you should have not snooped!!! But if you make a big deal things will be messed up. You could just jokingly say you were changing the desktop (dont mention the other snooping) and saw a picture and pass it off as "they are just old" and well he has you now. If he reacts and acts odd, you will have your answer. If you go back later and he has only moved or deleted the ones he thinks you know about, again you will have your answer. Give him a chance to fix it if you love him.

Answer 4

He got upset for you having a pic on your camera phone but he can have nude pics.
You caught him talking to ex behind your back.
You guys broke up before.
He dated other girl"s" during a brief break up.
He gets very angry and calls you psycho when you ask him questions.
Do you know what all this equals in my experience ?? He's a no good lying bad character guy. I would say he's either already cheating or will cheat. Will always call you psycho if you have any questions and will always have a double standard. He can do what he wants, you have to do what he says. Cancel the wedding and dont look back. The signs are there.

Answer 5

It seems to me that the both of you may love one another but has commitment issues. I believe it would be wise to postpone the wedding until the both of you go to pre-marital counseling. I don't know what's worst the feeling of betrayal or invasion of privacy. However, if I were you I would just tell him like this: Honey you know that I love you and have never nor will ever do anything to betray your trust. Today I was changing the desktop background and I found a picture of your ex. I felt betrayed and hurt and am wondering is there anything else I should know before we move on in marriage? Reassure him that if he has commitment issues then maybe the both of you should hold off on being wed until the both of you have gone through counseling let him know you love him dearly and that you would do just about anything to make this relationship work. Now the question would be if you can forgive him for anything he feels compelled to tell you.

Answer 6

Getting married is both including another person in your life and being included in the other person's life.

If you ask for advise you need to take the good with the bad. If you did find some nude pics, then you should of said to your she "Well I guess this is his little porn collection", however you didn't stop there you SEARCHED long and hard and put face to name and all that crap.
Tell him you found it and don't like it.
If he gets rid of it its his choice. You have to either accept him for who he is (I'm marrying him you are). If he is a closet porn stasher or open about that's him. If he likes to keep trophies or not that's him too.
At least you have a better idea of his life and what you are getting into.

OR

How about you take a picture of yourself naked and put it an the desktop. Then tell him you wanted him to add it to his collection.

Answer 7

Be realistic here... Everyone has pics of their ex's. No one's gonna delete the pics just because they are with a different woman now. If you don't want to find these things - don't snoop around. It's your own fault, sorry to say that. I've got photos of my ex's on my computer, I keep pretty much all the photos I've ever taken of anything; my husband doesn't go around snooping on my computer, and I don't snoop around on his. Let the sleeping dogs lie. If he was getting girls' pictures while the two of you were together - that's a different story, not cool; but if the pics are old - get over it, and don't even remind him about them. He had probably half-forgotten he had them. You're only gonna stir up trouble. Re. talking to his ex "behind your back" - people talk to their ex's, end of story. You sound controlling and insecure; if you don't get yourself under control, you won't be happy with anyone. Every person has a past, every person THINKS about their past, every person has relics from their past; if you can't deal with this basic fact of life - you're not fit to be in a relationship at all.

Answer 8

I'm a guy and to hear that your man has pictures of his ex-girlfriends, and they are nude, it's shocking. But you got to think positive before you ask him. If I were you I'd say this to him, In a calm and relaxed state ask him why does he have nude pictures of his ex-girlfriends. You never know he could be saving them for if he ever needs to blackmale any of them. If he hesitates that would probably mean he is thinking of a good excuss to tell you, or he may even answer you with a question like, Why are you going through my computer? Then again he may use them to pleasure himself when your not around, since all guys have a stash of nakid woman. I'd do it over the phone, just to be safe.

Answer 9

you are dealing with ,it's ok I do this but not you. Ask your self is this what I want in my life? Do I want a man in my life who calls me a Psycho Path, which is to his credit that he said this before you married him. You are dealing with a double standard. You have to make the decision if this is what you want. Marriage will not make this go away, remember MISERY LOVES COMPANY.This situation leaves you upset, shakey, and confused because there is no accountability on the part of the other person. These feelings are wonderful indicators that you need to leave skid marks, trust you own intuition.Trust in yourself, your head is in the right place, just calm down, ask yourself if this is what you want ? The answer will be what is best for you, not for somebody else

Answer 10

While I do see what thye mean about "snooping", honesty is a big part of a relatoinsihp. You need to talk to him about what you found, confess that you were not "spying" but merely trying to change his desktop background, and ask him for an explination. After that, it's up to you; you should know him well enough to know if he's BSing you or not. If he honestly seems to not have even remembered they were there (I often find entire stories i've written years ago that I have only the barest recollection of on my old hard drive), maybe he likes to have an image of someone while he's with them to remind him while he's, ahem... in need and apart from them. But if he tries to BS you, it's very possible that he's still attracted to them. In fact, I'm willing to wager money he's still attracted to them- the thing is, is he willing to give them up for you? Men are attracted, on some level, to almost any nude woman-- but it's who they CHOOSE to be with that matters, not what their body reacts to.