I went through a difficult breakup with my baby's father 4 years ago but have managed to get along teh greatest with his family (sisters, uncels parents etc.) We broke up because he wanted to be with other people when in reality he was cheating on me behind my back with this other girl who knew i was pregnant by him but didn't care. Soon after i got pregnant and was about 2 months- she purposely got pregnant. Funny thing is that my kid was born in Jan 03 and her girl wasborn March 03 and no one in the family didn't even know she was pregnant not even his parents. Point is- she broke up my relationship with him or what could have been and she's no even wtih him now.. Because of all the dramam he created his family feels like they owe me an apology on for his behavior and for having me dropped off at my mom's when i was 6 months and telling me to call him when the baby was born. So- i moved on now and my new Boyfriend of 3 1/2 years is uncomfortable that i come over their house
2006-10-23 06:14:40 · 14 answers · asked by Ms.Budonkadonk 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
and get along so good with his my baby's dad family. I kinda can't afford to pay babysititng since it's so expensive ($120-$150/week) so my son is taken care of during the day by his grandfather since her retired already and ahs nothing else to do with his time. I find it great that he's exposed to his other family. His aunts and grandparents love him very much and buy him everything. They've been nothing but helpful to me after my son was born even up to today. Because of that i keep a real close relationship with them because i'm greatfull of their help. My BF ont he other hand is uncomfortable that after work i go to their house (which also happens to be the place where my son's dad lives) to pick him up. When i'm tired (which is mostly all the time) i go to their house and hang out for a little about 1- 1 1/2 hours and it bother my BF. Si it worng for me to hang out with his family? i don't see anything wrong with it?
2006-10-23 06:19:40 · update #1
just so you guys no- No i don't have feeligns for the baby's dad any more. As a matter of fact i can't stnad him. He's really annoying and immature. When my son does things he's not supposed to do instead of repremending him he laughs and points.
2006-10-23 06:55:33 · update #2
fort hose of you who are wonding if i got him on child support. DOne that and no chidl support. He has a job though but i think he gets paid under the table because i haven't seen a penny for over a year
2006-10-23 07:04:49 · update #3
Question is - do you still love the father of your baby? If so, & perhaps your new boyfriend can feel it, then be fair by telling your "now" boyfriend. If you're not in love anymore, i don't see any reason why you still have to go to your ex-boyfriend's house. Because of the his child with you? C'mon girl, he can always go to your place to visit the child. The parents? You've got no business with them anymore. You really don't have to patronize them. What for? You can always maintain a friendly relationship with the parents of your ex & with your ex without sacrificing your relationship with your boyfriend. Think about it. If you were in the place of your boyfriend, would'nt you feel uncomfortable, too? Ask yourself, am i still in love? Because only after you have realized this being in love thing that you can finally have peace of mind & really move on. Hope that helps. :)
2006-10-23 06:25:19 · answer #1 · answered by noseygirl 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, there's nothing wrong with your son spending time with his fathers side of the family nor is there anything wrong with you keeping a courteous relationship with the family as well. However, there is a thin line between acceptable and unacceptable. If it were the other way around you wouldn't be comfortable with your bf doing the same thing with the mother of his child. Here is the deal though, you know your son's in good hands therefore I see no need for you to crash at the house especially since your "NOT FAMILY", now since you didn't break up with him but rather he broke up with you, In my opinion I know you still have feelings for him other wise you wouldn't be hanging around his family like that, also in my opinion you are doing this in an effort to make the other mother of his child understand that you are superior, and you feel the need to make your presence known, and that if you wanted him you could have him. Let me tell you this though if your ex didn't feel connected to you while you were carrying his child, he won't everyone know that when the a woman is pregnant that is the most humbling time for anyone around them and if he didn't do it then he won't do it now. He has no interest in you and hanging around playing "MS. MOM" so that he can see it won't change his thoughts either. As for your bf he has a right to feel that way, and you would too if the incident presented it's self.
2006-10-23 13:37:53 · answer #2 · answered by souljagirpart2 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I do not see any problem with your son staying over there while you are at work and it is awesome that you have a good relationship with your ex's family. Your son gets to know his grandparents on that side as well. I do not think it is right or good for you to "hang out" over there after work when you know it bothers your boyfriend. If your boyfriend would stop and hang out at his ex's house after work for an hour or so, perhaps you would know what he feels and why he feels that way. You need to worry about your son and make sure he is okay, that needs to be first. After that, you need to make sure that you are doing what you need to do to protect your relationship with your BF. It seems that the two of you can come to a middle ground...
2006-10-23 13:35:40 · answer #3 · answered by Suthern R 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I agree with Violet Pearl... As a single mother, you are fortunate to have such support from the baby's dad's family. There's absolutely nothing wrong with fostering this relationship. It sounds like your boyfriend is just not comfortable to accept that you're a mother first, and a girlfriend second. It's ok, not everyone is cut out to accept another's child as their own. Perhaps, he just need to move on and find a girl without the "past". The fact that your child has an extended family is a blessing, not a curse.
2006-10-23 13:28:47 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Amen to 'It's a Secret'. Your child DOES need all of the extended family he/she can get. Child care is very expensive and I'm sure you are getting NO child support. First, go after him for child support. I'm thinking you haven't gone after the dad for support because you think his family will dis-own you. If they do, they were never as supportive as you thought. If they truly love the child - they will support you seeking child support. If I were your boyfriend I would be uncomfortable with all the 'hanging out', but he should not ask you to stop letting your baby see his family, or yours. If he insists on that, dump him.
2006-10-23 13:35:59 · answer #5 · answered by 70sChild 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your boyfriend has to understand that the child shoud be able to see BOTH sides of his family and shouldn't be punished for what his jerk of a father did. I can understand him being uncomfortable, but you are not going there to see your ex. And that is what you need to express to your boyfriend now.
I don't think you need to hang out there just to BS with them,(especially since you know that your boyfrined is bothered by it) but definitely let the child spend time with them. Your boyfriend is your new life. WITH your child.
I would suggest you limit your time with your ex's family for the sake of your relationship now. But let your child spend as much time as he wants with his father and his family. You can still have great relations with the other family without being over there visiting a lot. You have moved on and the Father has to move on as well. Your child comes first but that doesn't mean to neglect your newfound love.
Peace and Blessed be!
2006-10-23 13:45:20 · answer #6 · answered by LadyMagick 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is your life, and this is how you live it - you would be living it this way if he wasn't in your life. But the fact that he is a part of your life, maybe you need to relax at home with him instead of your ex's family... It's one small concession that might go a long way. But if he can't meet you half way, then I'd say move on to someone who will. Easier said than done, but you've already gone through something much more difficult!!
Good Luck!
Aloha!!
2006-10-23 13:28:36 · answer #7 · answered by gabriel_demus 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
So get a new boyfriend. The baby has an unwed single girl for a mother and a lying flake for a dad--he needs all the family he can get-- grandparents and aunts, etc ---much more than some "uncomfortable" boyfriend.
2006-10-23 13:21:21 · answer #8 · answered by Violet Pearl 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
It's great that they help but think about your bf
he feels jealous that you still see your ex and his family
they should be in the past with him sure say hello send pictures but thats about it you should respect your bf asnd stay away from your ex's house if you need a babysitter get them to go to your house and babysit why put your bf through that hell of thinking you still want your ex cause that's what it seems like and if that's really what you want then leave your bf and be honbest with yourself instead of questioning him
2006-10-23 13:32:01 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think it's fine that they watch your child for you. On the other hand it is a little strange that you hang out over there. I think you should pick your child up after work and be on your merry way. If you appreciate their help then show it in another way.
2006-10-23 13:26:32 · answer #10 · answered by It's a secret 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋