Why would you want others in the delivery room?

Question

I am honestly asking the question. I am not saying that ii is wrong in anyway shape or form. I would just like to understand better.

When I was pregnant I made it clear to everyone that I didn't want anyone but my husband and I in the delivery room. I am close with my family and love them all dearly but to me it is such an intimate moment for a family (meaning mother, father, and any other children in the family) to experience. Unfortunately that wasn't the way it ended up happening as my husband was unable to attend. I guess I just don't understand why someone would need more support then just their husband?

That's why my husband wasn't there--he was deployed.

Answer 1

Usually it is because the mother wants another WOMAN who has been through labor and birth before with her. After all, your hubby can support you and love you and try to help, but he's never BTDT before.

Many years ago, birth was completely a female experience and men weren't allowed in the birthing chamber. Women were supported only by a midwife and the other women in their family/community and the men waited for someone to come tell them the baby was born or paced outside listening for a first cry. Then birth moved towards the hosptial, with authoritarian doctors in attendance and all friends and family kicked out of the birthing room. Mothers and fathers had to fight to be allowed to be together for birth. Dr. Bradley helped change that and got fathers into the birthing room with their wives. Since this development, people seem to think that dad is the only one who should be invited. In reality, there are still many women who want and need the love and support of other women they are close to while in labor.

Answer 2

This question is a little demeaning...There are some families that love to celebrate a new life coming into the world...if the mother is open enough to allow her family in the room along with her spouse then there is nothing wrong with it...giving birth is a natural process and there is nothing embarrassing about it...Although, some woman are more shy than others it is subjective....if the mother wants the family to help coach her then why not the more support the better....if the mother wants a relaxing quite birth then she should get one...this is why the mother and doctor sit down and make a birthing plan that is conducive to the hospital policies...Some people like to tape or take pictures of the birth...This is a subjective subject.....i had my husband my sister and my best friend in the room...it was nice to have the extra support and they gave my husband breaks to get coffee, and update relatives on the news....My sister was pregnant at the time and found the experience very educational for when her time came she really knew what to expect...

Answer 3

For my daughter's birth I could have definitely used someone else in the room other than my husband. He had just gotten off an overnight shift so he had less sleep than I had. He needed a few breaks and only my mom was there to give him breaks. My mom was not the most calming presence for me at the time. The birth was mostly positive though.

Afterwords I decided to become a birth doula so that I could help other mother's have positive births as well. I've been to births where the father was not the most supportive. Some dads are great; others are not.

The last birth I went to the dad kept telling the mother how sorry he was that he got her pregnant and refused to rub her back for her. He ended up leaving to go to work and missed the birth of his daughter. If he had been her only support she'd have been awfully lonely at her birth. I'm glad I was able to be a support for her then.

At my next birth (my baby's due in may) My husband will be there, both our mothers, possibly our daughter, three midwives, and a doula. So we're going to have a full house.

Answer 4

I just had my husband in the room with me...and I wouldn't have had it any other way!! I have a son now, and I am pregnant with my second baby. I have decided it would be best for my son to stay with his grandparents until after the birth, since I'm afraid he will be scared to see his mommy in so much pain. And how can more than just your husband really fit in the room, with so many medical people in the room too? I thought the room was a bit croweded (but I did give permission for interns to be in the room during delivery, which could account for the extra bodies just hanging around). This time, no interns. This time, it'll just be me, my husband, the doctors and nurses....and maybe this time I will play some music during labor.

There are a lot of people I know that have their entire family (aunts, great-aunts, sisters-in-law, etc).....and I love my family very much, but I don't really want them to see me the way I am during labor/delivery (I get pretty mean, and I said some curse words the first time that weren't meant for my family's ears!!)

Anyway, I had plenty enough support...and there was even more post-delivery. So, I agree with you completely....it's not wrong, it's just a preference.

Answer 5

My best friend has made it clear she wants to be in the delivery room with me. I am trying to find a way to tell her she won't be in there without hurting her feelings. My mom was there for my first child but I was alone and scared. I don't want anyone in there other than my partner. I may change my mind later but right now I am feeling weirded out by the thought of having non-medical people in the room. My parents will bring my daughter to meet her new brother or sister after it is born. I don't feel she needs to be there for the birth. she would be upset by seeing me in pain. She would not care about or understand the whole miracle of birth aspect. Besides she inherited my weak stomach. One sight of something gross and she would be ill all over the floor. However, all of that is my personally take on the whole thing.

Some families are extremely close. They share everything. To someone like that, the birth of a child is something to be shared by everyone. They are welcoming a new family member and everyone wants to be there to meet them. I think this is more prevalent with someones first baby than with their 5th but I have no idea. It is not a support issue but a celebration issue.

I would rather celebrate a couple weeks later at a BBQ at Nana's house myself.

Answer 6

Giving birth is definitely something that's intimate. However, my guess for people wanting/allowing other people there is that they know the moment is important for them as well. There are also some people who are close to certain members of their family and would want those members there for support.

For someone who might want their mother there, they might like it because they know that this the mother's grandchild, and to the grandmother-to be, this is a big deal. It's hard for us to realize this now, because we're not grandmothers (maybe some of us are?) but I'm sure once we get there, we'll have an idea of how important grandmotherhood is. Another reason why a mother's presence might be desired is because the mother has already gone through the birth process herself, and, especially for a first-time mother, the support might be helpful.

Answer 7

For myself. With my first child I was not married and I was 17. The father was not around so both of my parents were my support system. My sister would have been there as well but she had to go to school. It was not a problem for me. My father was at my head. My mother was kind of all over the place. Since then I have had 2 other children and I really can't imagine anyone else but my husband being in the room. I think it has to do with a person's situation and/or age as to who they want or NEED in the room with them.

Answer 8

When I had my baby, my bf (her father) and my mom were the only ones with me. My bf, because it was our baby, but my mom was a lot more supportive of everything and I was close to her throughout my pregnancy. She was a great help with everything, and it just felt right having her with me. I was getting nervous before hand though, cuz his family was all hanging out in my room and stuff, and there was no way I was gonna let them stay, if that's what they were planning on! But it did just end up being the 3 (soon after 4) of us, and it was a really good experience. If I ever have another child, I will definitely go without a crowd again.

Answer 9

To be honest, I felt the same way-Until I got the epidural, then I didn't care who was there. HOWEVER, I never let anyone else near me except my husband. If they wanted to watch, they had to stand away from me and keep quiet. I never let ANY of my children in the room though. I never thought that was OK. I also never let any other people bring children even teenagers to watch. Just a few close relatives. I must ask- Who are you? Every time I answer a Q. You have already done so with the same A. I was going to give. If you want to E-Mail me I'm purpledragonflyjrh@yahoo

Answer 10

For me it was I wanted MY mom there bc mommy is the only comforting person esp in such a stressful event. My Sister she used to be a doula so that was a free doula and obviously my significant other.

With my 2nd child I had my mother as well there was no questions I wanted her there again! My significant other and my Mother in law as awkward as that may sound but we have an excellent relationship and she was curious as to what it would be like and I thought it would be special for her to see one of her grandchildren as they entered the world. I think it is a very special event and I enjoyed sharing it with those who were closet to me. For me the more moral support the better.

for my next pregnancy i want my children to be there (depending on their ages) and I would love to attempt a home birth to have my family present at the hospital your only allowed 4 people. I come from a very close family and its only 2 other siblings and my mother and I would love for my immediate family to experience such a beautiful thing. I also witness my sister giving birth to my niece and I was allowed to announce ITS A GIRL since it was a surprise we really enjoyed being her coach and making bets on the baby and taking turns with my sister.