I was in love with a high school sweetheart 20 years ago. After a year of long distance college we broke up. When I tried going back to him a year later he was with someone else. We kept in touch sporadically and then lost touch. Now, 15 years since our last meeting I accidentally found we live in the same state. We are now both married with children with no intention of leaving our spouses and families...however I was suprised to find I have strong feelings for him still and I think he might be "the one." He says that I was his first true love of three major romances, his wife being the third. He very much wants for us to be friends, introduce our families and keep in touch because as he says I reman "dear" to him. He knows I would have an affair with him if he asked, which is sad but my heart is what it is. My question is, is he trying to keep his options open? Its so hard for me to be friends with him but I don't want to lose him altogether. Thoughts please.
2006-10-23 05:20:24 · 5 answers · asked by I'm Trying 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Sorry to pour cold water on your passionate wishes, but here goes...
My male is that personally I do not think he is trying to keep his options open. The term "remains dear" implies only affectionate remembering, not anything more. His offer to re-introduce you into his life is a kind matter of trust in two directions, first that he considers you a good enough part of his past to offer friendship now, and second, that he wants and deserves the trust of his wife and family by introducing you all and allowing the families to be friendly with each other. What he does NOT want is to endanger his current relationships.
You need to care about the people in your life more than you do about an old flame. If you would have an affair with him, then cool down and consider the damage you will due to your husband and children if you are unfaithful. Consider how much you will hurt him by pursuing when inappropriate, and your own pain of rejection.
If he were me, I would say stay away until the cool-down has taken effect. Do the right thing. Be a good friend.
2006-10-23 05:31:19 · answer #1 · answered by HeartSpeaker 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let him go. There is no reason to rekindle past feelings. You have a family, a life, and responsibilities. You have gone all these years without him, why is it now so important to have him in your life? How is your life going to be worse for letting him go, vs how is your life going to be worse for keeping him there. You guys had a relationship once, and you are now remembering all those feelings you had from back then. But you broke up, and for a reason. It is easy to remember everything great, but people convienently forget the bad times. Do not throw your life away with him. He may be keeping options open, he may intend on just being friends. In either case, one series of bad decisions leads to an affair and two broken families, with kids no less. Your husband does not want to be friends with his family. His wife will not want it either. You two are being selfish. The excuse "my heart is what it is" is just a bunch of BS. You control your heart, through self control. Tell him that being friends is more painful than being without, and be an adult about it. Do not let fantasies of your past lover ruin your family and your future. Sorry if I am being harsh, but I hate to see a family be ruined over this. Good luck.
2006-10-23 12:29:23 · answer #2 · answered by Craig B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some things we want in life we just cant have and just know that it makes you a stronger person. To act on such a thing would be detrimental to both of your current relationships and if theyre good ones....whoa...wouldnt you have wished to predict the future. Pretend what might happen....you'd see each other, ruin the lives around you and then probably find that you two really werent ment to be together except in a dream only. Good Luck. Peace!
2006-10-23 12:26:46 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being a grown-up entails a lot of sacrifice. I am pretty sure that if you were not married and have kids, you would not think twice, right? Then again, you have a family. Do you honestly think that your family is worth ruining in favor of an old flame?
2006-10-23 12:36:01 · answer #4 · answered by Nelson M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that if you feel that you would turn on your husband and family and go astray you should think seriously about marriage counseling or a divorce. and tell this other guy how you feel
2006-10-23 12:52:49 · answer #5 · answered by thatoneguy00 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋