Sometimes I still think about it and sometimes i shy away from sexual encounters with him. I went to counseling for about a year after the incident happened. I am a lot better, but it's part of me. Should I tell him? I feel taht that is just something you should not tell your significant other about. What is you opinion?
2006-10-23 05:10:06 · 22 answers · asked by jrhod263 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I'd maybe wait until you are married then tell him! Just my opinion I was never sexually assualted!
2006-10-23 05:14:35 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You should tell him. It affects him in that you sometimes shy away from having sexual encounters. Plus, it is part of you. It's nothing you can cast off and pretend it didn't happen. You didn't do anything wrong, you didn't ask to be assaulted. If you are looking to spend the rest of your life with him, you shouldn't have to carry such a heavy burden. If you don't have confidence that he'll be understanding, then you should reconsider your relationship.
If you really felt that it's something you should not tell your significant other, then you wouldn't have posted here. I think you're afraid of what will happen if you do tell him, or if he finds out another way. If he finds out from someone other than you, he might feel that you didn' trust him or the relationship enough.
2006-10-23 05:18:44 · answer #2 · answered by Le_Roche 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry to hear that! But if you are going to spend the rest of your life with this guy i really would advise that you tell him because i feel in a long term commited relationship such as marrage there should be no secrets. I mean come on would you want him to keep something that serious away from you for the rest of your lives? Tell him I am more than sure he will understand and help you deal with it if you need someone to talk to about the whole thing and what better person to talk to than your husband?
2006-10-23 06:07:07 · answer #3 · answered by Adamng 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You were a victim of a crime, so you have nothing to be ashamed about. Therefore, I think that you should tell him so that he can better understand you, but also to help him understand your reticence about sexual encounters. Lastly, if you haven't gotten professional counseling for this, you might want to consider doing that before you get married. It sounds like you are carrying some of the trauma with you...Good Luck!
2006-10-23 05:15:14 · answer #4 · answered by cheyennetomahawk 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think much depends on the kind of person your fiance is. He might react very negatively like blaming you for what happened or he might be wonderfully understanding. I guess I would keep my mouth shut unless you feel that telling your fiance would make your relationsip better in some way - telling him will really add a load of unnecessary baggage to him - if you do it be sure he can carry it. I as a guy, personally would not want to know.....
2006-10-23 06:29:38 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should tell you sig. other about your sexual assault. If he finds out later he may feel that you did not trust him enough to tell him. Since you feel that what happened is a part of you it maybe help your sig other to understand a little bit more about who you are. Trust me, it will be a big relief to share this and you will feel much better knowing you have been totally honest with your fiancee.
2006-10-23 05:18:28 · answer #6 · answered by Jen M 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should definitly tell him about it, because there could be times when the memory of it may cause you to shy away from him too much (in his opinion)... & if he doesn't understand why you're shying away from him, he may be deeply offended by your actions... & that could lead to serious problems concerning closeness/strength in your relationship.
Experiences like that can lead you to creating walls between you & him (whether you mean to do it or not)... but as long as he knows about it, he can help take the walls down, by making you feel secure with him.
We put up walls so we can protect ourselves, but walls can also keep those we'd like to be close to, from being close to us.
2006-10-23 05:29:32 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry to here about what happened to you. Although I feel that couples should tell each other everything, the sexual assault is your business. If you feel it will help in the healing process, then tell him, but do not tell him just because you think he needs to know. If you do tell him, it might bring you guys closer, but do not tell him if you do not think it will help in the healing process.
2006-10-23 05:29:05 · answer #8 · answered by Bill 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it could become a problem in the future, you shouldn't hold it back from him.If it has affected your life in the past and may do so in the future you should talk to him about it and he should be supportive of you. Would you consider going back to counseling for some follow-up?
2006-10-23 05:16:35 · answer #9 · answered by Special K 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes you should tell him, in fact you should have told him awhile ago. He may be able to help you work though it. If it's causing a problem with your sex life, he should know why. The male ego is a very fragile thing, so if he knows why you sometimes don't want to do it, it might help later.
2006-10-23 05:17:25 · answer #10 · answered by fr2fish 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I totally agree with Toosense. Your fiancee might be confused about why sometimes you shy away from him - if so, it will help your relationship a lot if you share this.
2006-10-23 05:16:44 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋