My husband has a court order for access to his 3 year old son one evening a week and one night at the weekend, his son comes to our house and has a great time and enjoys our attention (he has 2 sisters n 1 brother all by different dads). As my husband and his ex are getting on well at the moment (for now) she is allowing him to see his son pretty much when he likes. I think this is great for the father son relationship but my husband has started going to his ex's and spending time with his son on days where his access is not due playing, feeding and bathing him aswell as playing with the other kids instead of bringing his son to our home which I am happy for him to do. I trust him completely but just feel he should be spending time with his son and me rather that his son and his ex. Is this normal or am I wrong?
2006-10-23 04:45:20 · 32 answers · asked by Sarah 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
A child needs a mother and a father in their lives and if they are seperated then surely the alternative is to spend as much time as possible as a family.
2006-10-23 04:57:18 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There might be a little jealousy there. Just keep in mind that though he wants to spend time with his son he might not want to take away the time from his ex. Every moment he's with your husband means that his son is not with his mother and she also misses out on stuff. It could also be possible that any male influence around his ex's home with those other kids might be good for those children as well. Maybe you should go with him some of the time. Get to know the ex more because she is in your life too, like it or not. Maybe you could make friends.
2006-10-23 04:51:55 · answer #2 · answered by Phaylynn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can't say that what is happening is wrong, but I can say that if I were you, I wouldn't be too happy to have my husband spending time with his x at her home even if I trusted him completely. You can have 100% trust in your husband, it's the x I would be worried about. She still has the same things that attracted him to her and caused the conception of their son. Tell your husband exactly how you feel and let him know that you would rather he bring his son to your home, and that he stick to the designated times for the visits. If after you tell him of your wishes and he has a problem with it, check it out, and read between the lines. Don't let things sneak up on you and you are left without a clue.
2006-10-23 04:55:17 · answer #3 · answered by Special K 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is good for his son to spend time with both of his parents when possible. It would be inappropriate for your spouse to spend the night over there. However, if it isn't his weekend to have his son spend the night then it only makes sense that he take advantage of the opportunities presented to bathe, feed, and play with his son in the boy's surroundings.
Trust is a very important part in this and it is good to see that you have some. It's not easy being a stepmom and I applaud how supportive you are. Your husband is lucky to have a wife like you who is interested in seeing his relationship with his son cultivated. Too often women are eaten up with jealousy over the prior relationship with the ex, especially when children are involved. It doesn't sound like you have that problem and it's a good thing.
2006-10-23 04:52:01 · answer #4 · answered by GrnApl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the way you feel is completley normal, however going about discussing it with your hubby could cause a problem. However you word it etc he might think you are trying to keep him away, another thought is that the ex may not be happy for their son to go out that many times a week, and hence he has compromised. I would just chat to him and tell him how much you like or love his son and you too would like to spend more time with him, does he think it is possible to bring him around to your house more often than him staying there?
2016-03-28 05:00:11 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all.... you pointing out that her children have different fathers is nothing but catty.... and shows total disrespect for your step-son's mother... and that's not acceptable....not to mention the fact that its irrelevent to the issue. There's nothing wrong with him spending time at her house with his son. It shows his son that he and his ex can get along and spend time together with him without there being animosity or arguments....and that gives the child a much needed sense of security and and it allows your husband to have contact with his son without separating him from his siblings. Since he's not lying and has been open with you about it, I don't see why it should bother you. Not only is it ok for him to do this.... its healthy for the child. My ex used to come over to spend a few hours to see our son all the time after we split.... and while he was living with his new girlfriend. She never had a problem and would occasionally come with him. Maybe you should suggest going with him... and try being friendly with his ex. Isn't it the child that's most important here?
2006-10-23 05:38:21 · answer #6 · answered by just_me3575 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your husband may be visiting his son on the days he doesn't have access as he knows the friendly relationship he may currently have with his ex certainly won't last, he's therefore making hay while the sun shines, he's probably scared that anytime his ex will deny him access, apart from his allocated time. Try to be understanding and if possible organise trips out to include your step son as well as his brother and sisters. Good luck.
2006-10-23 10:04:02 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would let him know that I have some concerns.. Its well and good that he wants to spend time with his son. But, if it makes you feel uncomfortable then I think you should tell him to bring the boy over to your home when he feels the need to see him on his off days. This will not leave you wondering why he needs to be with the ex and his son?
2006-10-23 04:58:23 · answer #8 · answered by kamillion 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There's nothing wrong with him spending time with the kids. In fact, you should go over there as well. There's nothing wrong with you being with your husband and his son, wherever they are. Then you can see things for yourself. You can see how your hubby and his ex are getting along. Maybe she spends a lot of time with him and their son, maybe she leaves them alone. You can stop asking yourself all these questions and find out first hand what the situation is by going over there yourself. Bring toys for all the kids the first time, so the ex knows your there with good intentions and not to start problems with her.
2006-10-23 04:57:20 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hey, your husband's just trying to fit in some extra time with his son. He wants to take advantage of the fact that he's being allowed to see his son whenever he wants, that would probably mean him trying to do what his ex wants. It's OK that you feel a bit lost but just chill. You knew that he had a young son when you married him, so you should be prepared for the consequences.
2006-10-23 04:48:16 · answer #10 · answered by Katrina Van Tassel 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Its great that he can have a relationship with his son and his ex (for the sake of his son) but I think its giving the wrong message to his son....Iam divorced with 2 boys and they go to thier dads every other weekend. We get on which is great so there is no problem with him popping in to collect them and drop them off and sometimes he may babysit for me at mine (not too often) but the kids need to have a clear consistant message and that is mum and dad are not together and dont have cosy evenings together. I doubt for one second there is anything going on, but what happens when she gets a new man??? the only one to suffer here is going to be his son when daddy is not there anymore. Its a difficult one to talk to him about, but dont let him think its you with the problem just make his boy priority. Good luck x
2006-10-23 07:50:02 · answer #11 · answered by pinkkitten 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋