I have been seeing someone for three years (this week) and other than a possible friendship there is nothing else there. I enjoy their company on the very rare occasions I have it but I feel everything is pretty much one sided. He isn't a bad person but I just don't know if he is worth the effort I put in anymore. It's always me making time, making myself available to his time table, making things nice when we do get together and making any suggestions and initiating everything. I would be sad to give up on his friendship but is that just something I have to live with. Should I call it a day?
2006-10-23 04:19:44 · 35 answers · asked by â?¥MissMayâ?¥ 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Truth is he doesn't really have time for me and I don't think he wants to make time for me. Maybe this question is redundant but your answers are still welcome.
2006-10-23 04:21:11 · update #1
I need to point out we are 'seeing' each other... not dating. Just to clarify. Though I of course care about him as I am not made of stone.
2006-10-23 04:26:30 · update #2
Friends with benefits... I like that... That sums it up.
2006-10-23 04:27:22 · update #3
beaverboy... I am not going to stay with someone on the off chance they may kill themselves. The threat of suicide or guilting someone into being with you is a total non starter. Besides.. I am 100% there is no chance of that happening here. The way I feel at the moment he is more likely to throw a party lol
2006-10-23 04:36:59 · update #4
KEYLO... I am longing for it to be a two way street. Sure this started out as a simple arrangement but it is ridiculous to think there has been no evolvement in 3 years. I thought I became his friend... well I did become HIS friend... now even his friendship is in question... Is it wrong of me to not expect to do ALL the work and make ALL the plans. To expect a bit of the good stuff on occasion to come from him. For him to make an effort and be there when I want him rather than the other way round. Not all the time just sometimes. A bit of communication and common courtousy... That's all. I don't think it is unfair and he can do it if he wants to. It's just a matter of trying. Maybe he just doesn't think it is worth it in which case he should just say.
2006-10-23 04:42:32 · update #5
I have talked to him but he truly believes that him turning up is enough and I should think myself lucky for that.
He changes the arrangement to suit him and I just have to go with what ever he decides.
2006-10-23 04:45:47 · update #6
Oh and I am happy with the friends with benefits scenario...
But where is the frienship and the benefits for me in this scenario.
2006-10-23 04:48:49 · update #7
only you know the answer.
it all depends on what the relationship was/is based on,
if you want more than what is expected, you should think and if you truly want what you are expecting and if it is worth it.
yes you should end it and find what you are longing for.
2006-10-23 04:35:25 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
I hear ya girlfriend! I feel like I always find men that are like that and that I am the one putting in the effort. Sometimes men just don't understand what they need to do to keep a relationship going- if you love this man, I think the friendship will be tough to keep without any of the romance stuff, but if you feel you can keep the friendship, great! Other things to consider- if you decide to start dating someone else and you are friends with an ex... it can sometimes make the person you are dating insecure and cause some problems. Good luck!
2006-10-23 04:24:43 · answer #2 · answered by Earthy Angel 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh girl, I have been in this EXACT situation. It was exhausting and heartbreaking to be the only one really making an effort. I finally realized that he was probably just waiting for somebody better to come along. And when the friendship ended, guess what? He didn't care one way or the other. Sad, but true. Good luck. I hope things work out for you.
2006-10-23 05:47:46 · answer #3 · answered by spelling nazi 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have to know in your heart that it is right. You have to think about what you want in life. 15 years ago I let go of the kindest guy I could ever ask for. But he didn't want to get a job...he was lazy. I gave him an ultimatum. I gave him 6 months to find a job or I was gone. He didn't take me seriously and I left him. To this day I still think about him, because I think we had the most in common. But that does pay the bills. There will be other guys out there, but just take your time. If you search your heart...you will know the correct answer. Most likely if you have doubts...it probably isn't right. May God be with you in your decision!
2006-10-23 04:28:41 · answer #4 · answered by hard rock girl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You're still young and have yet to meet many, many more men. Right now, you may feel as if you are ruining a big thing and perhaps you are afraid you'll regret it later on. But I can tell you from experience that you will meet other people who will be much more considerate and kind towards you than this guy. Don't be afraid to take a risk. You do not want to waste your time with someone who doesn't appreciate you. THAT'S what you're going to regret later on, having wasted time with someone who obviously doesn't care enough to further pursue or tend to this relationship.
2006-10-23 04:27:30 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, you aren't giving up a friendship when you want to put more effort into yourself. You actually will be a better friend. Haven't you ever heard the saying. You don't miss what you have until it's gone. Maybe if you become less available, he will become a better friend, and the friendship will no longer be one sided.
2006-10-23 04:26:15 · answer #6 · answered by ricepat2000 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
After three years it should have surely progressed from just seeing each other. the transition from what you have into friendship may not be as difficult as you think if the sexual side isn't what it should be.
maybe speaking to him about how you feel will either confirm what you already know (it's going nowhere) or give him the kick up the backside to start reciprocating a little.
Good luck
2006-10-23 04:31:31 · answer #7 · answered by Poppy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it`s not fair on u that it`s all one sided. it`s making u really unhappy. ur really pretty and u could do soooo much better for urself. i know u`ll miss his friendship but another thing u must think of is wot will happen and how would u feel if all of a sudden he finds a woman that he wants to be wiv. i tell u this because i was in that very position once and the girl i was seeing liked me pampering her. she loved it all but one day she met a guy and all of a sudden i didn`t seem to matter which really hurt. be kind to urself and call it a day. i really do wish u good luck
2006-10-23 05:21:02 · answer #8 · answered by graham f 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
At least you should change the complexion of the relationship. Either he's your bf or you are just friends with benefits. Ask him what he thinks your relationship is. Then tell him what you want.
When I looked at your pic, I couldn't believe you could be having guy troubles. WOW. Surely, you already have many admirers who would be banging on your door if you were unattached.
Good Luck
2006-10-23 04:25:22 · answer #9 · answered by snvffy 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Three years is a long time... Is he aware of how you feel? I mean, have you actually spoken to him about this? Sometimes, dropping hints might not be enough, and some men are just blissfully unaware of tons of stuff. Maybe he's just had it so easy, he's sort of taken it for granted. We need 're-appreciation' lessons once in a while. *sigh*. Good luck.
2006-10-23 04:23:57 · answer #10 · answered by monie0078 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
wow, i don't think i would have lasted 3 months in such a situation. if he has always been like that then its obvious you cant hack it anymore. if this behaviour is quite recent then you should talk to him and make him understand that it will be difficult to continue the relationship like this. if i were in your shoes i will give him another (1) chance. if no improvement then I'll quit trying. you'll find someone better!
2006-10-23 04:37:53 · answer #11 · answered by just me 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋