I have full custody of my boys. My ex has visitation bi-monthly. We usually get along. However, my 10 year old son just informed me that my ex took my boys out to eat with my father this weekend. My father physically and sexually abused my sisters and I- I do not allow my children to see my father. My ex is fully aware of this and knows that I do not want the boys to see my father. When one of my sons tried to call me (they have their own cell phone) to tell me, my ex's current wife stopped them. This isn't the first time she has stopped them from calling me.The boys also told me that she (the current wife) threatened to "beat" them the other day. I blew it off, thinking she said it in jest. But now?My question is this: can I do anything at this point besides hire a lawyer? I want my ex to see the boys but now only when supervised (at HIS father's house- I trust his father). Please don't attack me citing father's rights. I dont want to stop visits but he's irresponsible.
2006-10-23 04:19:05 · 11 answers · asked by Lynda M ♥ 3 in Politics & Government ➔ Law & Ethics
You are going to have to hire a lawyer and see what your options are. Honestly I know you want to have the visitiations supervised but unless you have hard evidence besides hear say from your boys you are not going to get it. Unless your father had charges brought against him from sexually abusing you and your sisters you can't use that as endangerment either.
He has a court order for visitation that doesn't state it being supervised you can't decide they have to be supervised the courts have that decision and if you can't prove that he is a danger to the children or irresponsible with hard evidence you are not going to get what you want.
My advice is to contact a family law lawyer they will be able to tell you what your options are but for right now you don't have any ground to tell him where he can and can not take or have his kids when it is his visititation
2006-10-23 04:31:48 · answer #1 · answered by butterflykisses427 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I had the same problem with my sons father. He wanted to be able to take my son to "visit" people that I didn't aprove of. YOU are the mom. You have full coustody for a reason!!! You may not want to, but the best thing to do is talk to a lawyer. If he is taking your sons around dangerous people, he is indangering your children. With full coustody you are the one that makes the rules. If you say your boys can't see certin people then he needs to listen to you. As for his new wife.... I would be suspecious. I wouldn't blow anything off as "Jest". I'm not saying that she is abusive to your boys, but if they mentioned that she said something to them, like she would beat them... I don't think they would tell you if it was just a joke. Are you keeping a journal? You need to have one. Every visit that the boys have with their father write down everything!! Was he late picking them up or droping them off? Did he not show up? Did the kids come home dirty or hungery? Write everything down!! Even if he is only 5 min. late or one min. late!! It is very usefull. And shows responsability!! I don't want to go into my story, but my ex has a criminal record and tried to "hide" stuff from the judge by "forgetting" to fill in that part of the paperwork. I ended up with full coustody. Soul coustody and physical coustody. I did the journal and had a calander with dates and times i marked, to back everything up with. So even though you don't want to go and get a lawyer it is probably the best thing to do. Did any of the things your father did to you or your sister ever go to court? Or was he ever arrested? If it is documented it will make your case stronger. If not, you have full coustody anyways, so basicly what you say goes and if your ex isn't abiding by your rules then he needs to face the consaquinces.
2006-10-23 11:37:35 · answer #2 · answered by sunnychick 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do your boys have a lawyer that was appointed to them to watch for their best interest? If so contact him/her and explain the situation or have the boys speak to the lawyer. Where I live kids are appointed a lawyer through the court when the parents have custody issues. Since the boys have their own cell phone have go into a room that the stepmother is not in (bathroom, outside,basement) and make their call to you.
2006-10-23 11:30:44 · answer #3 · answered by plowsharesforyou 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would hire a lawyer just to get some rules cleared up such as why they are not allowed to associate with your father. A judge should have no problem with prohibiting your ex to expose your children to a man who has a history of sexual abuse of minors. As for his current wife's threats that is difficult, if you trust your husband I would discuss this with him, he should know his wife well enough to know if she is a threat to them or if the children are exagerating. Even if he feels she is not a threat he will most likely be more aware if something odd happens.
2006-10-23 11:32:07 · answer #4 · answered by Amanda 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The Boys are as much the fathers as they are yours, Eating dinner is hardly a threat to the boys who may want to know more of the Grandfather, , you are not the judge in this case and most likely if you start legal issues he will counter, and he can win full joint custody and even Custodial custody, if the boys want it.
Yes you will need a Lawyer to petition the court for any change you want. I doubt you will win a request for full supervision, he has done little or nothing wrong.
2006-10-23 11:28:15 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
He may be potentially putting the boys in danger, so if he doesn't respect your wishes, you should definately talk to a lawyer.
However, he did accompany your children when with your father, so perhaps he wasn't too much of a threat.
But the new wife threating the kids? You should get a restraining order against HER! That's horrible.
If you're worried about your boys, give them pagers or something so that they are never completely cut off from you, too.
2006-10-23 11:30:11 · answer #6 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You definitely should contact a lawyer and change his visitation rules. If he and his wife can't respect your wishes they they should only be allowed supervised visits or not see the children at all. At this point I think that is your only option, because you can't stop him from seeing your boys until it is officially changed in court.
2006-10-23 11:23:04 · answer #7 · answered by Niecy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go to the courthouse and get a restraining order on your father for your children. Then if your ex breaks it he will be in trouble also. I would also do one for your ex's wife, have the modifications done in court. Good luck
2006-10-23 13:35:00 · answer #8 · answered by Me, again 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
depending on the state you are in, you may be able to protect your kids with the help of the state's child welfare department/branch. you are, it sounds, obligated to turn your kids over to their father for visits...but to do so, if the grandfather stuff is true, and if what the kids are telling you is worthy of belief, is putting them in danger. you are caught in a "catch 22" cuz a parent's job is NOT to endanger their kid(s). so you go to child welfare...again, depending on the state, the local laws there, and the philosophy/practice of the child welfare folks in your jurisdiction, you are impermissilby putting your kids at risk if you turn them over to your ex. if so, child welfare workers can/may tell you that you canNOT send your kids to dad unless and until safety issues are resolved and a safetly plan is agreed upon and committed to. if dad refuses to cooperate, the matter might end up in juvenile court.juvenile court trumps domestic relations court in some/most states. so child protection trumps domestic relations court orders. juvenile court may be the forum to get back to the basics: safe parent child contact.
2006-10-23 11:49:32 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would definitely hire a lawyer, and make sure that it is spelled out that all visitation w/their dad (your ex), is SUPERVISED.
2006-10-23 11:28:03 · answer #10 · answered by carrie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋