I went thru a very bitter divorce 3ys ago(my husband cheated on me then left us) that has left me with a 7yr old son.Things have calmed down between us now and we both agree we need to get along for our son.The only problem we have now i would like him to come to our son's birthday party next week.I sent him an invite and said he was planning to have his own party for him the following week when its his turn to have him.I have sent him other invites too like to watch his son open gifts on chrismas and he always has an excuse why he can't come.He also has a gf and we don't get along so this has something to do with it too.No one including he famliy has a problem with this only him.He is a great father and i understand he is uncomfortable around me and my family.i just feel it would be nice if we could be together his family/my family for our son once in a while.So should i push the issue of joint bday parites or let his father do his thing with his famliy on his day with my son.
2006-10-23 04:14:14 · 25 answers · asked by janesmith086 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sounds like your thinking less of your son and maybe more about you. He has told you on several occasions that he will not come. He has moved on and so should you. He has a GF and wants to make a life away from you. He left and isn't coming back. The only time you need to really come together are on issues and graduations/marriages. (when your son is old enough to want the two of you t ogether) Getting the two of you together for family functions only serves to let your child thing mommy and daddy might get back together. That's just more pain waiting to happen. Don't push the issue about joint parties just move on and make them happy for your son. Good Luck
2006-10-23 04:23:45 · answer #1 · answered by smile4u 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to hear of your situation, but I am glad you're thinking of your son. I would suggest contacting an attorney first. Since your income is very low, you may qualify for fee legal advice. It doesn't hurt to ask...just look up "Legal Aid" in your area! You may be entitled to spousal support in addition to child support and you may also qualify for child or after-school care subsidies. Maybe you could find a local women's support group. They should be able to give you some advice that would be pertinent to where you live, and they can also give you a shoulder to cry on or a hand to hold. Don't be ashamed to ask your parents or family for help, too. They may not be able to help a whole lot financially, but there may be something they can do. I know it all seems pretty scary now, but it will truly make you stronger. You're already on the right track. Just go the distance! Good luck!!!
2016-05-22 01:10:21 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have extended the invitation on many occasions and he's turned all of them down. I would not push the issue. Would it make you uncomfortable to have the new girlfriend join him at these events? If the answer is yes, then you shouldn't invite him. He's clearly made his new life. I think you should keep it as is. Besides, I'm sure your son is loving 2 birthday parties.
You have very good intentions, but some things are best left alone. I'm also divorced and to be honest, I would not want my ex at my kids party unless my kids were the ones requesting it.
Good luck!
2006-10-23 07:37:18 · answer #3 · answered by jazz_lover_25 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As long as it is OK with the kid let him do his own thing. I am in a similar situation and after leaving the relationship I find it difficult to be in group settings with the "other side". When it is unavoidable such as a school event I attend but stay away from them. This allows the children to know that I am there and still have the rest of the family present. Otherwise the event such as birthday, or Christmas becomes overshadowed by the event of bringing dad back into the family fold. Your family isn't his family anymore. If you wanted to have a private party or event with just the father of your child and you present I don't think he would be as opposed. Bottom line - all this should be in terms of what is best for the child - not what you think is nice and not just what is comfortable for him.
2006-10-23 04:30:36 · answer #4 · answered by mraandmisse 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You acknowledge his feels with "i understand he is uncomfortable around me and my family". You further state that his girlfriend and you "don't get along".
But then discount these valid reason to NOT be together by asking if you should push the issue to have joint party because that is want YOU WANT.
So do your wants out weigh his wants? NO
I'm sure your son would rather have two FUN parties than ONE tension full party where his father feels uncomfortable and where his mom might get into a fight with his dad's girl friend.
Don't make your son's birthday a battlefield. That is just not right.
2006-10-23 04:55:20 · answer #5 · answered by snack_daddy10 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seem to me only an EGO-problem.I thin k,you should again discuss with him and try to arrange joint party . Families of both sides have no problem, but if you don't mind, I feel the problem is due to YOU.Please calm down and I hope you can avail this opportunity to create mutual trust for long lasting ties. Let him decide and you agree to it. Propose him if it is possible to arrange the party ,somewhere outside of both the family-houses.Wish you all Happiness.It is nice, that he is a good father!
2006-10-23 04:34:30 · answer #6 · answered by agni 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I went through the same thing and after years of joint parties for the kids I decided that is was more comfortable for my children and everyone else to have two parties even if it has to be on another day other than the actual birthday.I now have a party for my children the weekend after their bday and my ex and his family have their time on their bday.Now I know my birthday child always feels more comfortable and has a better time ....kids can sense alot more than you think.Good Luck
2006-10-23 04:18:42 · answer #7 · answered by luckiestarrr 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If I was 7, I think I would love 2 birthday parties. How about you? Maybe you should focus more on your son and not his father. If he doesn't have a problem with Dad throwing him another party, then why should you. Lighten up a little and be happy that Dad is doing anything at all with him. I know I would be.
2006-10-23 04:18:12 · answer #8 · answered by brillantnut 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was once in your boat myself, only my son was 2 at the time.
I just stood on both feet, and carried on with life for the two of us.
It's best to start your own tradition now. Having separate parties is a good thing, but discuss what gifts will be given between the two of you so there are no "doubles". It also sounds like you are trying to hang onto what "once was" as in having him around with your family. You have to move on, and focus on your life now, and make the changes and be happy, as your son will be happy also.
2006-10-23 07:40:17 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't push the issue, just keep inviting him the way you have been. Don't make a big deal out of it if he says he can't come. Just give him the option if he changes his mind. And if the girlfriend is the problem then maybe you can tell him he can bring her (wether you get along or not) and keep the peace between you 2 for a few hours.
2006-10-23 07:07:09 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋