should i be ok with this. she says she might not get another chance to go on a trip like this and that i would never be able to put together a trip like this for the two of us. the other reason she is going is she says is for the kids but this is bs and she has addmitted its bs she is also evasive when i talk to her about it because she knows i am very upset about it. it would be different if she was paying her own way and staying in her own hotel but this is not the case and she has not asked if i would want to join them and pay for the two of us to go. she is very set on going even though i have expressed my feelings about it and have said it is not going to be good at all for this relationship. i dont know what to do. every one i talked to so far has said if she goes i should leave her. i love her very much
2006-10-23 03:55:19 · 32 answers · asked by bigantbigant13 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
any excuse for her to go and not invite you is unacceptable. Stand your ground on this one.
2006-10-23 04:00:33 · answer #1 · answered by kimandchris2 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely NOT! If you can't go then she shouldn't either, especially if her ex is paying her way and not staying in different hotels. How do you know that her ex isn't going to try something? Your exactly right! It's not a healthy situation to be in. You should give her an ultimatum, let us go together or I don't want you to go end of story! If she loves you enough she will respect how you feel. I'm sure she wouldn't want you to run off with your ex on a trip so why should she? There's definitely something more going on with this trip than just going for the kids. I believe you feel the same way. With this said, don't allow yourself to be played for a fool and don't let her go just because you love her. If she goes maybe you should consider leaving her when she won't include you in this trip. It's certainly wrong on her part. Best of luck!
2006-10-23 04:13:17 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me like there is a lot more going on here than just a trip. If she truly loves you and wants the relationship to work she wouldn't even consider such a thing. You should think very, very carefully before making a commitment to this person. She sounds extremely selfish and shallow and not at all as much in love with you as you are with her. Tell her that if she goes, you go---in another direction. Relationships are a two way street and she is not even in the same vehicle as you are.
2006-10-23 04:48:33 · answer #3 · answered by fivestarmama 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She's not showing much respect for you by doing this. If she goes, she doesn't care a whole lot about your relationship. With her ex, in the same hotel, probably the same room? No, you should not be ok with that. You should tell her if she goes, you guys are done. He is trying to get her back, and will expect sex on this trip. Most men would never take a woman on a trip like that unless he was trying to get her back, or at least get sex. Dump her and be glad you haven't married her yet.
2006-10-23 04:09:40 · answer #4 · answered by Lotus 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Bottom line it is not OK! If it is not Ok with you she should respect that as she is engaged and supposedly committed to you. Do you think this bodes well for a trusting committed marriage to you later? NO! And you said "one" of her children..... does that mean she has another by another guy but not you? This doesn't show a lot of capability to be commited. You need to find out either way right now, save yourself a lot of crap and set the tone for things if you do get married. Be a strong and confident man and say "I do not like this and if you go, you have made your decision". Then you will know as the ball is in her court. Honestly, and harshly I would just give it up as there are a lot of women who would understand and appreciate this stance. I would be curious to know more.
2006-10-23 06:37:28 · answer #5 · answered by jackson 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to say but your friends might be right. Its understandable that you love her and obviously you have made plans to make a future and life with this person. But you need to ask yourself if she loved you just as much as you love her, why isn't she taken your feelings into consideration? Also put the shoe on the other foot I'm sure if you were the one going on some exotic trip with you ex she wouldn't be pleased at all. And in reality if she was doing it for the kids and nothing else,due to the fact its their father, why not invite you to come along then. Obviously her ex knows shes engaged so he wouldn't have a problem with it if it is a trip for the "kids". My opinion is you should come out and be like your surprising her and that you bought a ticket or your going to buy a ticket to go along with her and see what her reaction is. If its truly something she just going along with for the kids then she would be pleased that you would put an effort to go with her. If her reaction is completely opposite then that should help you decide do you really want to spend your life with someone like that. Plus you gotta remember this is the father of her kids so hes obviously not leaving the picture, plus do you think that by him inviting her along its a plot to try to get back with her for the sake of the kids!
2006-10-23 04:15:39 · answer #6 · answered by h0n3y_l1ps_27 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well my friend, if you have stated it very matter of fact that if she goes it will destroy your relationship, and she still chooses to go, then I think you can take from that what kind of value she places on your relationship. Give her the choice, if she goes, you are gone because you can not just accept the fact that your fiance is going off to Aruba with her ex. Put it out there and make her choose, that way you do not need to do anything, she will make the choice.
2006-10-23 04:09:04 · answer #7 · answered by Suthern R 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, if she goes LEAVE HER!
It sounds like she even tried to put you down, by telling you that you will never be able to pay for a trip like this. You don't need to marry someone that puts you down. Find someone that appreciates the simple things in life. She is very selfish
2006-10-23 04:09:05 · answer #8 · answered by Tricia 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
she is being a selfish cow, sorry if that offends you but HELLO!!!!!! it sounds very dodgy to me. I don't know what you mean by "BS" sorry, I just can't work that out!! I think you would be right to end the relationship if she does not even have enough respect for you to ask you to come along with her. You know what, I'd get all the details from her, then book a room and hang out with them the whole time, just pay for you and your flight. It sounds very wrong to me, and how she can even consider that is beyond me totally.
2006-10-23 04:01:16 · answer #9 · answered by sparkleythings_4you 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
she doesn't love you at all. if a woman tells you we will never take a trip like this together. she has no faith in your relationship. why don't you ask the ex if you can tag along you'll buy your own ticket? if she loved you she wouldn't be considering the idea. cut her loose if she still wants to go without you .
2006-10-23 04:19:03 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she goes then that is really fuc*ed up on her part. You never go on a vacation with your ex, even if u have kids together. And what she has no faith in u, maybe u will be able to afford to take her someday. Sounds to me like they still have feeling for one another, sorry. But I would put my foot down, if she goes then she really dosen't love you.. Sorry take care
2006-10-23 04:02:03 · answer #11 · answered by lori 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋