Why would anyone contact an ex who's been out of their life for over 10 years?

Question

My husband has a psycho ex-girlfriend - stalker type. So, after over 10 years of no contact, all the sudden she's trying to reconnect. OK - talk about not being able to let go of the past! LOL

She has a proven track record of trying to connect with my husband long enough to screw up his relationships with someone else (not just me). This is not someone that can handle being friends after the break-up. She's not happy unless she's causing someone else pain.

So, if it was happening to you, how would you handle it? Give her one warning to stop communicating then obtain a restraining order? My husband is afraid that if we're not careful how we handle this psycho, she might go nuts - slash tires, vandalize our house, etc.

Anyone with any experience handling psycho exes out there? Sure could use some insight.

hehe I acutally do own a gun!

This "woman" has quite a past with law enforcement (busted for drugs) so I would think that by threatening her with a restraining order, she'll stop all contact.

My husband is actually innocent - has had no contact with her and doesn't want any. As a matter of fact, he's been trying to delete our listed information with various internet directories. Unfortunately, psycho most likely knows where we live due to those internet directories and is definitely close enough to stop by for a visit.

We both decided the best course of action is complete silence. We will not answer our phone, we let it go to voice mail. Perhaps she'll decide she has a wrong number and move on to the next!

Answer 1

Your husband needs to handle it, not you. Of course you can do it together as a unified front but it shouldn't be you alone. How does she find him? It sounds like someone is leaving some clues out there. Different states have different rules on what grounds you need to receive a restraining order. You can put a tap on your phone with the phone company (sometimes called a Tap) to prove she is harassing you and press charges.

This one is so hard to answer because there are so many details not in the question:

Does she know where you live and is she close enough to get there?

Has he been in contact with her without your knowledge?

What has she been told when she does make contact?

If you have not been present to her calling you need to be. With you on the line your husband has to outright tell her to please not contact him again and that he will consider any future contact harassment and take the appropriate legal action. If she slashes your tires or does anything to you at all - then you call the cops as you promised. The fact that he wants to take it easy on her may mean the two of them have a secret he doesn't want exposed. Please let me know how it all turns out. mraandmisse at yahoo.

Answer 2

I can give you some perspective from "the psycho ex." I recently contacted an ex from 15 years ago because I accidentally found him after many years of not really thinking about him (much) or knowing where he was. When I stumbled across him I just thought it would be fun to reconnect. I realized after a short time of us being in contact that I still love him, or at least never got over the person he was such a long time ago. This has been awful for me because we are both married to others with children. I am having a hard time dealing with my realization of these feelings - its seems crazy to me that I never let go for feelings for a first love but it is what it is. I am not stalking but occasionally we do talk on the phone or email and we met in person once. Right now its too painful for me to meet his wife and family (my situation/realization is very recent and I'm trying to deal with all of this and hopefully move on). In my case, while the ex has made clear that he will not cheat on his wife, he has also made clear he does want to stay in touch with me and stay friends in an innocent manner because I am still "dear" to him. Is there any chance your husband is doing the same? Is he encouraging the contact in any way? If not and he truly wants to get this ex away from him, and he has been clear with her about it, I would investigate a restraining order. Because if my ex told me he did not want to be in contact any more it would really hurt me but I would respect it, if only out of pride.

Good luck to you.

Answer 3

Yes, warn her, just once that if she does not stop then you will take legal action, and do it, she is probably used to idle threats and no one has seen it through, make sure you do, so she knows you are serious. If she does damage your house or property, take photos as evidence, it sounds like she needs to be locked up in an asylum to me! I had an ex who stalked me, when I stayed at my brother's he followed me and broke into the garden and stood there watching the house for hours, I did not know about all of that til a few years later (after I moved away from the area) and his friend told me he had been following me for months and watching me as well, creepy as I never knew, he had obviously done that before!

Answer 4

Yes, I couldn't get rid of the person until the cops were called. After that, I learned that "NO" is a complete sentence, and changed my phone to an unlisted number and filed a restraining order.

Answer 5

Your husband needs to handle this and he needs to say to her no i dont wish to have contact with you please leave me alone and then if she starts with the vandalising deal with it dont be blackmailed into something you dont want.Just maybe over time things have changed an once she has been told to go she might do nothing.I have a similar situation at the moment and i will not deal with her it is his problem not mine and if he wants me well sort it ...if not will go live with the physco cow!

Answer 6

Your solution sounds reasonable...
Your husband should tell her to stop, give her a warning and
then take out a restraining order....

Answer 7

If it has been 10 years it doesn't sound like she is all that interested. ask her to please leave the two of you alone and if she does go crazy over it then call the police. what i am wondering is how she keeps finding him? has he taken any action to stop her from contacting him? (like changing a phone #)? Sounds like he continues to allow her to contact him. I would check into that.

Answer 8

Tell her to stop contacting you. Totally ignore her. Don't accept calls. Don't entertain any contact.

See police protection if it continues.

Answer 9

Tell her he's moved on, and you don'y feel it is a good idea for past relations to become involved again.

Answer 10

I'd pretend to not know who she is and tell her who is this again? Sorry but I don't know anyone by that name, you got me mixed up with someone else.