Can you write an interesting paragraph incorporating these phrases from "Litle House On The Prairie"?

Question

This is not homework...just some good old fun for a Monday .
1. My pa works hard
2. Nellie, you are so unkind
3. I'll sleep in the loft
4. this is so cozy
5. Nels? NELS!
6. your ma's right, half-pint.

Answer 1

Ma and Nellie soon noticed the empty bottle of bourbon outside the barn.
"Pa's blind drunk again, passed out in there among the pot-belly pigs," said Nellie after peeping in.
"Come on then," said Ma.
Nellie and Ma got all dolled-up; false eyelashes, blue eye-shadow, back-combed hair which cost them an entire 2 litre can of hairspray. In their perky white sling-backs and tight P.V.C. mini-skirts, they hobbled to the local pub.
Nellie noticed Ma's pantyhose had a huge ladder in the back. She laughed so hard, eyeliner tears rolled down her Max Factor pancaked cheeks.
"Ma!" She gasped, still laughing. "You sure do look like mutton dressed as lamb!"
Ma didn't smile. "Nellie, you are so unkind!" she blubbered.
"Aw, don't cry Ma. Let's order a drink."
Warren came over. As usual his hand was busy scratching his privates.
"Evening ladies," he said. "Where's Pa?"
"Sleeping," said Ma.
"My pa works hard," added Nellie, examining her blotched manicure.
Ma went to buy the beers. Warren looked at Nellie and said, "Nels? NELS?"
"What?" replied Nellie crossly.
"Your face looks like one of them stupid abstract paintings!" said Warren and roared with laughter.
Nellie hissed "Don't call me Nels!"
Ma strutted over with the beers.
"This is so cozy!" she said. "Here you are. Halves of bitter all round."
Nellie was furious.
"I asked for a pint!" she yelled.
"No, Nellie. A half-pint." said Ma.
Nellie was about to throw her beer in Ma's face but Warren grabbed her wrist.
"Your Ma's right, half-pint!" he said.
The evening passed pleasantly and Ma and Nellie staggered back to the farm, singing "Ten Green Bottles."
As they sang the last line, Nellie accidentally did fall and landed on her rear; in a cow pat. Ma cackled hysterically, then had a coughing fit.
"I need to stop smoking that home-grown!" she wheezed.
Nellie was too tired to wash. She somehow knew that she couldn't sleep in her clothes, but she couldn't find her p.j's. She slung on her overalls, and got into bed.
She screamed.
"What is it, Nellie?" asked Ma.
"It's Pa!" said Nellie. "He's in my bed again! I wouldn't mind but he stinks of bourbon and snores so loud!"
"Aw, Nellie," said Ma, "You know how he gets. Come and sleep with me."
Nellie stormed out.
"I'll sleep in the loft!" she said. "See you at milking time, Ma!"
"Be sure to cover yourself with one of them blankets we put on the mules!" said Ma.
Another exciting episode in the social lives of Nellie, Ma and Pa. To be continued .....

Answer 2

"My Pa works hard" in the brothel, making them hos shine his shoes. One day Nellie the ho slapped Vanessa for scamming on her man. "Nellie, you are so unkind" said Vanessa, then Vanessa screamed HODOWN but Pa didn't like the look of this. He wanted Nellie to stay say, so he called "Nels? NELS!" Nellie ran over to my Pa and hugged him. "This is so cosy" Nellie said. Then it was time for Pa to go home. he saw me sitting on his bed, waiting for him. "Time for bed, Laura" Ma told me. "Your Ma's right, half-pint" Pa said, so I said fine, "I'll sleep in the loft".