He lied about it for 3+ years. I found a number in his wallet 3+ years ago and called the girl. She described him and told me of the conversation. I believed her but he denied it. I wanted him out (this was before we were married) but my father begged to give him another chance. He continued to deny it everytime it was brought up. Then after we were married another girl came to my house looking for him. The things she told me that he said sounded like the same that other girl said and he gave her rides places. He denies that too. Last night he admitted that he approached the first lady and got the number. This hurts so much. Especially since he has been accusing me for a year now of cheating on him with his friend (how could I when I never go anywhere without him- even though he does go places without me). I feel so betrayed. I know now that the second girl was telling the truth even though he still denies that. How can I trust him. My past marriage ended over infidelity. HELP!
2006-10-23 03:22:36 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The strategy to use all depends on what you want to accomplish? Do you want to find out the truth? Fix your relationship? Or try to do both?
Trying to do both, however, may be very difficult to pull off. Discovering the truth may make it nearly impossible to trust him again.
And trying to get the truth won't be easy. People tell the truth when it's safe to do.
See http://www.truthaboutdeception.com
For your husband to confess, you'd have to convince him that you just want to understand what happened, that you need to know the truth in order to feel close, and that you won't react too harshly. In other words, you may have to lie to get at the truth.
To repair a relationship that has been damaged by the betrayal of infidelity, almost always requires counseling. And counseling is no guarantee that things will turn out for the best.
2006-10-26 10:26:15 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't and can't trust him, if you ever trust this man then you are to blame for the hardship that is to come. If you want to trust him and think he can be honest at all times, some time, you could have what they call an open relationship. He does his thing you do your thing and if it is going to go down that road then you might as well call it quits! Unless of course you can get to that point that some couples have that swing and do that sort of thing but he doesn't sound like he can get to that honesty part in order for that to happen...
You have options here but emotions can rule and over ride all, so it is really up to you and how in controlled you are of your emotions of how you want to react to this. Personally I wouldn't put up with it and he'd be done... Life is too short to fool around with lies and with someone that can't be honest about sex topics to their spouse in the first place. If he had been then you two wouldn't be where you are at right now. Especially if you have women coming to your house and he's doing things behind your back - get em' gone! Or you could have an open mind enough to allow this and be a part of it and if you allow this it may go on more and he may have more to hid. Good luck! Sorry he's such a jerk thinking with the wrong head! If you have been through this once before I don't know why you would want to go through it again! You basically had to beat it out of him to get the truth what else is he not telling you!!!! You don't have to allow this at all. I think if I were you I'd be ending it! Good luck to you. I have to say if this were three years ago and it is done and over with why is it still an issue try to work for the future ta' hell with the past, leave it there. If he is trust worthy now and hasn't had an afairs there should be no reaction. It still hurts and why he decides to tell the truth now would only make me wonder and trust him less though...
2006-10-23 03:53:14 · answer #2 · answered by sophia_of_light 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You either made this up, or you're stupid. First of all, of course your family (especially your sister!) act odd around him. They're keeping on eye on him making sure he doesn't start molesting them at any moment. Second of all, there is NO excuse for cheating so the fact that you were being lazy without a job (while that might have sucked for him) is still no excuse. If you want to stay with him, accept the fact that no family memebers will ever be visiting and never bring it up to him again. If you're not willing to do that, then you really don't want to be with him so leave.
2016-05-22 01:02:34 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did the girls say they had a relationship with him? I mean you don't come to someones house looking for them if they just got your number one night. Many times a guilty person fears there own actions in others. So in your case he is accusing you of cheating because he is cheating. So in his mind you must be doing it too. Or he feels you will attempt to get even with him for his past cheating by cheating. If you are not happy with him and if you cannot trust him - how can you stay together? You and he need to sit down and work out what you are feeling. The best bet would be for both of you to go to counseling and make a decision to come clean with each other and be honest from this point forward - if he isn't willing to do that you may need to consider parting ways.
2006-10-23 03:34:57 · answer #4 · answered by mraandmisse 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have married a liar. It was wrong of your father to beg you to give this guy more chances. You must start to trust your own inner voice, not your father's.
The only way this marriage can be saved is if you are willing to remain married to a liar. I hope you have higher hopes for yourself than that.
2006-10-23 03:29:21 · answer #5 · answered by Brent 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have a repeat offender on your hands...guess what that is his choice. The first time , you chose to accept his behavior,perhaps thinking that he would change. If he was cheating on you before the "I DO'S" were said what made you think he would stop! You accepted his garbage so now he thinks that its okay all you are going to do is smack him on the wrist. Baby, this is 2006 know your worth in any relationship, You have forgiven him already for the first offense....He seems to be stuck on cheating.Leave him where he's at! "STUCK" You deserve better.
2006-10-23 04:07:43 · answer #6 · answered by Renee F 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm confused, did he do anything with her? I understand that he shouldn't have been talking with her and giving her rides, but if you are going to be this jealous about it I can understand why he didn't tell you, you are married, not conjoined twins, you are both allowed to still have your own lives. Tell him you trust him and expect the same from him to you. Jealousy will tear you apart though. Good luck.
2006-10-23 03:29:03 · answer #7 · answered by medic 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are in a dysfunctional cycle. in order to change it, you need to figure out why you continue to be with cheating mates, probably stems from childhood. acknowledge and fix you and everything else will fall into place eventually.
remember he is the one with the problem, not you.
2006-10-23 03:27:45 · answer #8 · answered by nwnativeprincess 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your father did you a real disservice by convincing you to marry this slimeball. Kick his a$s to the curb, honey. You deserve sooo much better than this.
2006-10-23 03:26:35 · answer #9 · answered by krustykrabtrainee 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It over, call the lawyer and take him for everything he owns.
2006-10-23 03:25:47 · answer #10 · answered by FF Geek 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋