I have been married for 15 years, but they have not been happy years. My husband and I have separated 3 times, and the last time was for several months, almost ending in divorce. We talked a little and decided to try again since we have 2 children. Part of the problem is that I am still not happy. Before the last separation, he had cheated on me and I suspect he is doing it again. I am the one who spends time with the kids and doing many things around the house. He works long hours most days of the week, and there are times I don't even feel like I'm married. To make matters even more confusing, there is this truly awesome guy I work with who has been a great friend to me. He knows a lot about this, but not details. I really like this guy but nothing has happened! We have lunch a couple of times a week and that's it. The thing is that he is the kind of man I've always wanted yet I feel stuck in a marriage with someone that I just don't know about anymore. What should I do?
2006-10-23 02:47:25 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I've got some married friends and when they feel their sex life is getting stale, they invite me and one of my girl friends over for a sexy sleepover. it's a lot of fun.
2006-10-23 02:49:31 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are not stuck in your Marriage as you have shown at least 3 times when you seperated. Sometimes people do not belong together that is a fact, but this guy at work is just that - some guy at work. He has not been with you for 15 years or had 2 children with you. He is a guy who it seems is looking for a relationship and you need to be cautious with your emotions. You dont want to build up some guy who is either just nice or just on the make into something he isnt because you are upset about something else. If you want to date this man, talk to your husband about seperation, get seperated and then date - not even a kiss before. Or have an open marriage.
2006-10-23 03:23:18 · answer #2 · answered by mraandmisse 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm no marriage expert or have been married. But follow your heart. If your not happy then get out of the relationship. You deserve to be treated better than how you are now. You've already tried several times and just ended back at square one, so why waste time? Things change and people grow apart. Go for it with your friend, hopefully he can make you happy again. Do whats best for you and for your children. But dont stay and live a lie for the sake of your children and because you just "have" to be with your husband. All it is, is leaving you miserable and full of regrets.
Best of wishes
2006-10-23 02:51:58 · answer #3 · answered by Miss Bre 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
15 years can be hard to walk away from, but face it - you are not happy. It might be hard to go on your own at first, but you will feel better about yourself if you are able to walk away and make it and be confident of yourself. As for the children, you not being happy will affect them in one way or another - don't think it won't!!! My parents thought staying together "for the kids" was the solution until it lead to cheating and domestic violence. When they finally divorced, it was almost a relief to me and my brother. Whatever you do though - don't dive into another relationship right away no matter how bad you want to!!!! You need to make YOU happy inside first and you can't rely on someone else to make it happen and to fill that void. After 15 years being married, it might seem easier to be with someone, but you have to learn to be by yourself and with your children. It won't be easy, but being able to look back one day and say you did it will make you more proud of yourself. Don't' be a doormat, go find a lawyer, get the kids in counseling if need be, and move on - one step at a time.
2006-10-23 03:03:11 · answer #4 · answered by Michaela 4120 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off staying married because of the kids is bad, they know whats going on and are caught up in your drama. If you don't love your husband anymore then move on with your life. I'm sure the guy at work has told you the same and right now he won't make a move until your past is closed for good
2006-10-23 03:47:57 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, do not do anything with this other guy. That would be very inappropriate since you are somebody's mother. However, your marriage sounds exactly like mine did. I say if you suspect he is cheating, take the two kids and leave, and then nail him to the wall as far as child support is concerned. I know this is easier said than done. It sounds like you are in a very affectionless marriage and this other guy is paying some attention to you, and it feels good! But I think if you did anything more than be friends with him, you'd feel awful about it.
2006-10-23 02:54:56 · answer #6 · answered by spelling nazi 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YOU ARE IN THE DANGER ZONE. It sounds to me divorce is in your future, seems like it's imminent, sooner or later you will be divorced. I want to tell you what you feel is very typical. But don't pursue anything with this guy, it's not worth the anguish it will cause you down the road. Every guy seems charming at first, they want to woo and impress you. Once you're living with a guy or married to him though, the fun's over, you know that from experience. Divorce is hellish, being divorced is no fun either, trust me. It's a hard road to go. The grass isn't greener on the other side.
2006-10-23 02:55:23 · answer #7 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Staying married for the sake of your children is so wrong! Children are not stupid and, believe me, they know what is going on in their lives. Get away from your cheating husband and start over. Why should you suffer while he is having a good time and making you so unhappy? You and your children deserve to live a peaceful life. Go for it and be happy!!!
2006-10-23 03:21:06 · answer #8 · answered by Ms. G. 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should never stay for the kids. You didn't say how old they were but don't you think they are old enough to know what is going on without you telling them anything. As long as you stay in this relationship you are teaching your children that it is okay to be married and be unhappy and that it's okay for them to have a marriage that is like yours. It is best to leave and have yourown life.
2006-10-23 03:05:07 · answer #9 · answered by country girl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey there girl, hang on in there. I have been in your position before. I am still in that position but for the kids sake, i am hanging on until they are old enough to understand and then, i will leave. They are my incentive to stay and they are also the reason why i walked away from my affair which gave me happiness. My lover too is unhappy in his marriage and waiting for the time to come when his kids wil understand and he will walktoo. We hope to be together one day....but until then, stay and don't stray cos it hurts too much when you knwo you cannot be together! My thoughts are with you!
2006-10-23 02:54:17 · answer #10 · answered by angelheart 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it all about the newness of this other guy they all end up the same way after a while so just go to marriage counciling dont give up on 15 years without at least trying one more time good luck
2006-10-23 02:53:07 · answer #11 · answered by Waynes Angel 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋