I found out 3 weeks ago that I'm pregnant. We have been together for 4 years. A year ago I moved out and we've been tryinig to salvage what relationship we have left. Basically we're starting all over. He has always accused me of trying to "control" him by asking him to do nice things for me. He tells me how much I mean to him, but he doesn't seem to understand the concept of "actions speak louder than words". SInce we found out, he has been proclaming his love for me. He wants us to move back in together a.s.a.p. and has has the whole wedding pretty much planned. He did a lot for his ex wife, (so he says) and she left him after 11 years, so he's convinced that it will happen with us, so I get JIPPED out of good treatment. I've never asked to expensive things. All I ask for is him to accomadate my cravings when possible, and make me feel like I AM pregnant. He thinks I'm trying to "make him my personal robot". How can I make him understand what is ecpected of him right now?
2006-10-23 02:32:03 · 18 answers · asked by G 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
This is what I think you all are not understanding. I'm not asking him to build me a temple or anything. What really caused this is that he talked to his best friend that forewarned him all about our "cravings" during this time. Yes already I've been wanting something in peticular from this restaurant. I was working a 12 hour shift, and he was sitting home all day. He was going to meet me at my house when I got off. I offered to pay for the food, and said I would call it in, if he would just pick it up for me. That's what he refused to do. I couldn't understand why when he supposingly "loves" me SO much, that he wouldn't even do something that simple for me. It wasn't a matter of me DYING without the food. I could very well have got it myself. It was the point that he says he I just want to "control" him because I asked him, and then was disappointed and upset because he flat out told me NO!! Did I clear that up for anyone. I do thinks to show him my love all the time. wtf
2006-10-23 13:47:19 · update #1
As an example... I went grocery shopping and I got him some things I know he likes. I spent about $70 on the food. Regardless of the price, point is I love him and I wanted to surprise him and make him smile. Also, I know he loves these subs from Mama's so on my day off, I drove there and got us both one, to eat together that night. He was so happy. I can't repeat that to him because he accuses me of throwing stuff up in his face. I was just trying to make him see that I love him and try to show it. I think he forgets some of the little things I do. Oh well.
2006-10-23 13:52:02 · update #2
That's Stupid.....u should be pampered even if your not pregnant.......Now that u are pregnate u should def be pampered!!!! CONGRATS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2006-10-23 02:34:23 · answer #1 · answered by Bianca 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Most women demand the words and now you want only the actions. He is not your personal robot and probably would be more amenable to your needs if you quit nagging. Sorry, but this is what you wrote is saying to me and I don't want or need to sound hurtful. Pampering is an after the baby kicks kind of thing. You are not an invalid and can and should do it for yourself. If he fails to come forward about month 7 when you are miserable and can't get out of a recliner without help. then if he doesn't come forward, you can be assured he doesn't care. I can't believe that you are trying to dominate by intimadation and would recommend you be a little less selfish. Sorry but you are the one saying the stuff. Hope this helps you see that he is not wrong in this case. And I do sincerely apoligise if I am offending, but I am just responding to what you wrote.
2006-10-23 02:39:50 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Congrats on your pregnancy! Most men don't understand pregnancy (or women in general), but pregnancy doesn't seem "real" to them until they either see the baby come out of you or in some cases they can see the belly or feel the baby kick, etc. This is going to be a difficult time for you since he sounds like he might have some past baggage from a previous relationship which hinders him from being there for you 100%.
I don't think that your biggest problem right now is him not pampering you while you are pregnant. I think your problem is how he is going to treat you when you are married. If he can't treat you nicely b/c of a previous relationship it sounds like he doesn't deserve you. You don't deserve to be compared with this other woman. You aren't her. He needs to understand that. And between you and I, I don't think she left him after 11 years just b/c he was nice to her. I think there are some red flags and deeper things you need to be looking into. Do you want to bring a baby into this world watching as his father treats his mother badly? Lots of women have raised children on their own and even gone on to find a man who loved both her and her child. There are a lot of good men out there, but it sounds as if your boyfriend has a lot of issues that will ultimately affect you.
2006-10-23 02:43:05 · answer #3 · answered by FreeTruth 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are all a bunch of morons, seriously. I have 2 kids, and I was pampered with each. It's all part of being a grown up! You take care of each other. You go out of your way to everything you can for the other person. All the comments left so far must be from 10 year olds who have yet to have children. Even not pregnant you deserve to be pampered, but even more so when you are. He's got to grow up and take responsiblity for himself and his actions.
Oh and most people don't have names for a baby that is 4 weeks old, and has yet to determine the sex of the baby. Retards!
2006-10-23 08:57:08 · answer #4 · answered by ft 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well personally I don't think you should get treated any differently now you are pregnant I understand you are feeling like you need it . but if he is not willing to give it to you without you asking then he never will. And if you don't like it move on..
what do you do for him ??? maybe you could say oh you massage my back for a bit then I'll do yours .. oh do you mind running me a bath while I get dinner. I was pregnant 3 months ago and my partner who is normally affectionate treated me the same as he always did. and I still did everything I normal would for him . I cook he does dishes, one day I run the bath for him next he does it for me.
You have to work out an even balance and if you can't then as I said before move on
2006-10-23 02:38:39 · answer #5 · answered by mum 2 Cameron and Ewan 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow... it's all about you, isn't it? The pregnancy has nothing to do with it. You expected this kind of treatment even before and now you're using the pregnancy as an excuse to be even more "pampered". Never expect anyone else to make you happy. If you want pampered, do it for yourself. While I do agree that it's nice to feel pampered, you're more likely to get it when it's not expected than when someone knows you expect it. Stop trying to be so high maintenance and you'll more than likely get what you want.
2006-10-23 02:57:17 · answer #6 · answered by cgspitfire 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he can't understand you are not going to make him understand. He doesn't understand about cravings becasue he has never had one. He doens't understand the hormonal changes that happens to a body when you are pregant. I think you two need to learn to communicate before you take another stab at living together otherwise you can wind up in the same spot later on only this time you will be a single mommy
2006-10-23 02:36:06 · answer #7 · answered by dumpllin 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i don't understand your need to be pampered. years ago women plowed fields while they were pregnant, then gave birth and went back out to planting or harvesting.
you just found out 3 weeks ago, so you shouldn't have any great cravings or needs yet. Wait til your eight months along and can barely get out of the car without a crane jacking you up and then you can ask for some help and pampering.
You are taking advantage of him and his kindness - don;t wear it out cuz in a few months you will need him to rub your feet and help you wobble up and down stairs.
2006-10-23 02:38:46 · answer #8 · answered by island3girl 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honey, women in rice paddies in Vietnam hunker down and give birth right on the spot, and then go back to working. I am not saying this isnt a special time, but SOOOO many women think they are having the one and only virgin birth, when in reality, this is a very normal thing. Keep doing your thing, working and preparing for the baby. If you are waiting on a man to make you feel good, I think it will be a looooong wait. men are disappointing. Have a girl...
2006-10-23 02:36:03 · answer #9 · answered by cici 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
He's being completely inconsiderate. I don't care what he says he did for his ex-wife (I got similar stories from my husband too, and time has a way of exposing the truth). Regardless of all that, his relationship is with you now... not her....and he's using his relationship history as an excuse for being an inconsiderate jackass...pregnancy or not. Take lots of notes before you marry this guy.
2006-10-23 03:04:04 · answer #10 · answered by just_me3575 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The man has a lot of pre-conceived notions that you may not be able to dislodge from his thinking.
You need to make a list as to what it is you wish from him during this pregnancy and negotiate it
2006-10-23 02:34:47 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋