co-habitating before marriage?

Question

What is your opinion about living together before marriage or before possible engagement. I told my girlfriend that if we were still together in 9-12 months that I would like to live with her. I don't see why we won't be together, I just said 'if' to not freak her out. Anyway, she said that she doesn't see herself living with anyone until she is engaged or married, that it takes away from the actual marriage if two people live together before hand. Any thoughts?

Especially from people that waited until marriage before you moved in together.

She is not very religious either.

Answer 1

I think that co habitating is a terrible idea, and here is why:
I co habitated with a man for over 6 years, and in that time he had every advantage of marraige (sex, live in housekeeper, cook, ect.) and none of the commitment. What were promises of marraige were forgotten. You won't buy the cow if you are getting the milk for free. So, after being taken for granted for so long this cow finally mooved on to greener pastures. I know that alot of people will say that "You have to know if you are sexually compatible" That is a load of horse ****, because it is like anything else, you get better at it the more that you practice. It sounds to me like the woman that you are with is classy and has morals. Those are two characteristics that are far and few between in today's world. I suggest that you cut this classy lady free if you want to co habitate. She deserves someone who will give her a commitment.

Answer 2

There is nothing wrong with living together before marriage. I did. She may want to wait. It may be that she thinks living together is like being married or engaged, so that is why she wants to wait. Just wait till 9-12 months down the road, and if you are still together talk about it again and tell her what your feelings are on this subject. Let her know that you don't have to, it would be nice to though.

Answer 3

I see nothing wrong with liveing together before you are married depending on how long you have been together.Me and my boyfreind have been together for about two and a half years and have lived together the whole time.It seems like we are married and everyone just assumes that we are.We have a 10 month old daughter together and I am 24 weeks pregant with our second child plus we are raiseing his 3 sons ages 6,4,and3 from his previous marriage.He works full time and I stay home with all the kids cause he would rather I be at home with the kids then out working and when he gets paid every 2 weeks he gives me his check.So if you plan to be with that person for life or get married then Isee no problem with it at all.

Answer 4

As someone who waited...including not engaging in pre-marital sexual activity....co-habitation is not a good idea.

My thought is as follows: the proposed positives (sharing expenses, enjoying the most amount of time together, etc.) are seriously outnumbered by the risks: increased likelihood of premarital sex and therefore pregnancy, increased pressure on the relationship while it is still developing to make it work regardless -- which is guaranteed to sow many rotten seeds of discord, increased social pressures from family and friends who have marriage as a primary value -- you risk ostracism here, and many many more.

Think about it this way. Would you choose to sleep in a house that had both a fireplace and fuel oil stored in the same room? Or would you take the time to build safeguards around the fuel, move it to a safer place, and then have that same fireplace to cuddle by without the dangers?

Answer 5

The question is why are you straddling the fence? Living together is marriage. Are you just looking for someone else to help you pay the bills or do you love her enough to marry her? If you are looking for a room mate, put an ad in the paper. If you want a wife, buy a ring and propose. Why would any woman want to have to act like a wife, but not get the reward of being one.

Answer 6

I have to agree with her. I think it takes something away from the whole marriage & commitment part of a relationship when you live together before hand. Also there are a lot of stats (I am sure you could search online for more info) that show ppl who live together before marriage have a higher percentage of divorce. If you love her, respect her oppinion on this....

Answer 7

I don't blame her. No way would I move in with anyone without the date set first.
That being said, Living together first may not be a bad idea to make sure that you really can live together. But then I would also make sure the date was established in less than a year.

Answer 8

I didn't live with my (now ex) husband before we were married. I don't really know if it would have made any difference even if we had but he changed so much that I really didn't feel like I knew him at all.

I'm now living with my boyfriend and we're happy as can be. Granted we both have had the marriages from hell so we're not in much of a hurry to get married. We both know that a marriage license is just a piece of paper and you don't have to have a piece of paper to tell you that you love someone!

Answer 9

I think it is so important to live together before marraige. People can seem completely different when you're living with them, and you have the opportunity to see how they actually live. It's easy to be on your best behavior when dating and it can be hard for your significant other to see who you really are. There is so much to a persons personality and when you live with someone you can see all the habits and usually a wider, more accurate range of moods. A friend of mine was dating this girl for about 15 months and he thought he was madly in love with her. He found out that she was a control freak about her living space and she would freak out if there were 3 dishes in the sink (even rinsed out) and noticed if anything on the shelves were moved. She never gave any clue about this behavior beforehand. I lived with my husband for over a year before we married and we knew exactly what we were getting in to.

Answer 10

I thought i was going to be with this guy for the rest of my life but when we started living together (before an engagement/marrage) i found that i couldn't stand some of his everyday quarks. So i think that living with someone before is a good thing that way you can really get to know each other and each others habits.