Ive asked two questions 1. Are there any men out there that wont cheat?2.Would u have a 3some with your spouse to keep him from going behind ur back? We were in love so I thought and then came the crazy fantasies..Now I know that this has been his lifestyle in past relationships. I love him but I feel I have to leave. I have to save whatever morals I have left! How could he think that I enjoy watching him penetrate another woman?Now How do I tell him that its over without Drama! and I know its going to hurt me like hell!
2006-10-23 02:07:52 · 17 answers · asked by Loving life! 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
yes there are non-cheaters.as far as the fantasys you knew what you were getting into before you fell in love with him. I do not believe all of the sudden these fantanstys came into play.I think you were enjoying them now you decided you do not want to share.which is your right
2006-10-23 02:14:04 · answer #1 · answered by szfr8l 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You need to draw the line where ever you are comfortable. If he is asking you to cross that line then you say no and stand up for your convictions. Why do you believe that you have to leave him? You just tell him "no". He should respect your decision and if not then he doesn't respect you and then you are right to consider leaving. Every man has this same fantasy popularized by all the magazines. My wife and I have an on-going joke about this subject. She'll only agree to a 3some if the other person is a guy. Maybe you should suggest this as an option. Maybe that would kill the deal.
2006-10-23 02:16:57 · answer #2 · answered by barkel76 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, it is unfortunate that you did not know this before you got married. But it sounds like you have solid grounds for a divorce because that sort of behavior would not be deemed acceptable for someone who has entered into a marriage contract, and it is a contract.
If you don't want drama, don't create any. Tell him flat out that he should have been honest about his "needs" from the get go, that you are NOT interested in his sexual fantasies and he has ruined and ended your relationship. Do this with all your bags packed and already loaded into the cab (someone else to ensure nothing bad happens to you). Then leave and call your lawyer. The person you loved didn't really exist. Think of it like losing a loved one to death, grieve a little and try to meet someone as a friend for awhile. He lied to you by keeping all that a secret, don't just let it go.
2006-10-23 02:15:50 · answer #3 · answered by jeshzisd 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, but I think there were three questions. Nonetheless,
Question # 1: Men that won't cheat... There are, I can't include myself in there, I would be a hypocrite, but I know there are (but the numbers are diminishing quickly)
Question # 2: Threesome... Now, that's low. You are going against your ego, against your values, against your morals... Don't do it. You need to have some respect for yourself. If you don't respect yourself, how do you expect people to respect you, and who else would respect you if not yourself.
Question # 3 : If it's going to hurt you a lot, and it's because of the fantasies he's having, don't break up with him... that's the easiest and more cowardly solution to your problem. Seek professional help, see a marriage counselor. Most men have the same fantasy, however they don't express it so openly, and rarely to the woman they love. Don't punish him for being honest. Seek a professional, it will be worth it.
2006-10-23 02:19:39 · answer #4 · answered by josecarlosolivera 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is what happens... the day after .. everything changes.. people think they can handle the fantasies , they think they can look at it as just "sex" nothing more.. but most cant handle that.. some actually can seperate sex and love, but its a rare few.. most cant handle the thought of watching their significant other with another..because well thats the purpose of being "IN LOVE" with someone.. being their one and only.. the "special" one.. and when they sleep with another ur no longer the "special" one..
Sweetie, u already brought drama into ur life.. so u need not to worry about the "drama" factor anymore.. allowing this man to talk u into such things already caused all the drama in the world to the point that now ur relationship is over, and something has been lost inside of urself.. he is the only one that gained in this scenerio.. he got his "rocks" off, he talked u into letting him cheat.. and he got u to allow him to disrespect u.. the damage is done..
You need to just tell him and be done with it....if he "REALLY" loved u.. he wouldnt of hurt u this way.. and in some sick way he got "OFF" to hurting u.. he's a loser, let him go..
yes there are men that dont cheat.. and no u should never bring another into your relationship.. especially when its a seriously committed relationship..
2006-10-23 02:19:17 · answer #5 · answered by brwneyedgrl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As for your first question, I believe there are men out there that will not cheat. My ex hubby cheated and I ditched him, found my fiance who is a great man and he wouldn't cheat. He knows how it feels his ex wife cheated on him.
As for your second question, about the threesome... no I wouldn't budge in my morals to allow something I wasn't interested in to happen to save something that seems as though it wasn't much to save.
As for you leaving... I think you are right. Where will the line be drawn with this man on what is morally and ethically right for you and him in your relationship together?
Tell him you have realized that you two have very different morals and values in life so you may as well call it quits now before you get any deeper. This might shock him enough to not add drama. You are right it will probably hurt like hell, no one claimed love and lost love is easy to deal with. But you sound strong and you can do it ;).
Good luck.
2006-10-23 02:13:18 · answer #6 · answered by razzyrascal 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The query is, is there any reason to no longer get married? Marriage is a miles better dedication than living at the same time. It provides and any destiny toddlers particular financial and criminal rights. it somewhat is socially acknowledged as a extra intense and extra committed relationship. the only reason to no longer get married is that if one in all you is not sure they want the different one invariably. once you're doubtful then by way of all ability, don't get married. :)
2016-12-08 19:34:44 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
1) Nope... Being a man, I honestly believe we are meant to be with multiple partners. All my friends and I discuss it and none of us can stay completely faithful, no matter how much we care for our s/o. Good news is that whomever we do cheat with, it means basically NOTHING to us, at least for the most part.
2) If he's asking for 3-somes, its something that he definetly needs. Kudos for him to be that open in the relationship and actually ask.
However---if your not comfortable with it....you should definetly leave.
As for ending without drama....I think, you want something that I cant give you, so have a nice life, I wish you the best. As long as your over 22 years old...it shouldnt be too chaotic...
2006-10-23 02:22:35 · answer #8 · answered by questionaire 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave him! Why would you want to stay with a person with such a lifestyle. Be straight forward with him when you leave. I'm sure he will try to convince you to stay....don't....he won't change, this is his lifestyle. Yes, there are men who don't cheat.....and treat their wife or girlfriends with respect. When you do leave, have a place to go and someone to support you in this decision. This will help you get through it. If it were me I'd move a distance away and start fresh.....there may be that really special person waiting just for you out there. Take care.
2006-10-23 02:18:12 · answer #9 · answered by Rea 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1. Yes, there are plenty of men out there that won't cheat.
2. If you don't want the 3some, then don't do it. Simple as that.
If he's going to cheat, leave him. It's going to hurt, but it won't hurt as much as staying with someone who will constantly cheat. Plus, he will eventually leave you, it's better you get out now than wait for him to make up his mind that he's "done" with you.
2006-10-23 02:12:41 · answer #10 · answered by M.A.X. 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋