We are now disagreeing on whether he should pay me rent. He thinks because he is in debt and his money needs to go to pay off his debt, I think because he makes very very good money and got himself in this situation, he still needs to be an adult and pay his way. I am divorced and barely make ends meet myself. I have lent him lots of money (which he still owes me) to help him stay afloat but now he just owes tooo much. He needs to get things together. What should i do...charge rent or let him stay rent free?
2006-10-23 02:03:35 · 15 answers · asked by pure_24kt 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
At 32 there shouldn't even be a question.
Your son is taking advantage of you and needs to take his responsibilities seriously. He has no business freeloading on you.
Don't think that you would be helping him by not charging him rent. All you would be doing is enabling him to make more poor financial descisions like the ones he's made to land himself in this mess in the first place.
2006-10-23 02:11:15 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You're right that he needs to get his act together and paying rent is part of that. He's not 20 years old anymore, obviously has a secure job, and just chooses to be irresponsible with his spending. He's obviously single, no mortgage payment.... so his debts must be credit cards, car payment.... luxury things he chose to purchase. It appears he wanted to move back with you so he can pay his debts and maintain his credit rating... and still have money enough for whatever else he wants to do while you foot the living expenses. Its not your problem and he's being selfish. Letting him stay there at a lower rent than he'd pay elsewhere is help enough.... and might even take a little financial pressure off of you. And if he refuses, then let him pay full rent somewhere else and see how much better off he is. Your barely making ends meet now.... so why work your butt off to support a grown man who can't get his priorities straight. He needs to grow up and learn a lesson....
2006-10-23 09:22:00 · answer #2 · answered by just_me3575 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he has been able to rely on you to bail him out, or he knows that he can take advantage of you. There is of course the chance that this is a one off ordeal (been there). You should probably look at the answers to a few questions:
1. How long does he plan on staying there?
If he is staying there for more than 3 - 6 months, then he definitely needs to contribute and not "freeload." You should sit down together and decide an a fair, reasonable, or agreeable amount. After all, if he wasn't staying there, he would have to pay to stay somewhere.
If he is just staying for a short time, then you might not charge rent per se, but he needs to know that he needs to contribute (groceries, housework, etc.).
Either way, there should be some things that he can assist with, if it is not strictly money.
2. How does he plan on fixing his situation?
You should make it a condition of him continuing to stay there to explain and demonstrate how he is going to help himself get out of this mess. He should visit with a credit counselor and set up a budget.
If he makes such "very very good" money, then how did he find himself in this position? Without having to take responsibility (i.e. pay rent), this situation could possibly get worse, unless he changes his habit(s). He will definitely need help doing this (if he hasn't figured it out by 32).
3. How is the relationship between you?
I think it is in everyone's nature to want to care for and protect their children, but part of that care and protection is making them take responsibility. If you act as a "parent" and try to help him grow up, then the immediate relationship between the two of you may be tense. On the other hand, if you coddle him and allow him to take advantage of you, he'll just continue to do it - because it is easy to do.
In summary, two things come to my mind:
1. Help him help himself (along the lines of "teach him to fish" instead of "giving him fish"), and
2. Remember the prodigal son... (Luke 15:11-32)
Good luck!
2006-10-23 09:30:27 · answer #3 · answered by Chris 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He should definitely be paying rent. You supported him until he was 18, now it is his turn. And what kind of son wouldn't want to help him mom out? Does he expect free living, free food, etc.? Also, giving in to him and letting him not take responsibility at this age will only allow him to remain dependent on you and not become the adult he can truly be! It doesn't even have to be a huge amount of money - just the fact that he is paying something is the point, I believe.
Good luck and stand firm!
2006-10-23 09:08:06 · answer #4 · answered by wd2crv 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
A 32-year old should be ashamed of himself for trying to sponge off of Mom.
He gets the first month rent free and then he owes you rent for each month thereafter. And he pays for 1/2 the groceries. And he cooks meals and cleans up every other night. And he does his own laundry!
And if he's not back out on his own after 6 months, you raise the rent substantially!
2006-10-23 09:06:51 · answer #5 · answered by kja63 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you should charge him rent. I do think he should carry his weight such as food that he eats and half the utilities. But by charging rent, you are trying to make a profit and that's just not cool at all. He's your son, not a tenant. As for the money you have loaned him, it's a good rule of thumb not to loan money to family that you aren't willing to just give away. Besides, when you die, who gets what you have left....your son. What would be the point in hounding him to pay it back now and making your relationship tense.
2006-10-23 09:10:11 · answer #6 · answered by Someday Soon 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
charge rent, that's for sure.
he can consolidate his debt to make one monthly payment which will save him some cash.
write up a contract for the rent, record all the $$ he gives you.
He needs to be an adult, and be responsible. He can always get a second job too.
2006-10-23 09:07:14 · answer #7 · answered by Jennifer L 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
sounds like the story of my life. Do a break down of just how much more it is going to cost you to have him there- ie: water, gas, electricity, food. Three hot and a cot is not cheap, Mom is not the personal door mat. Nothing is free, rent is a part of pulling his weight. Helping is mandatory. To help him help himself he must take responsibility. Certainly it would be cheaper to live with you than anywhere else unless of course he lives in a cardboard box.
2006-10-23 09:17:28 · answer #8 · answered by sylviavnpttn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, he should pay you rent, help with the groceries and you should not "give" him anymore money. He needs to learn responsibity and by you giving into him, he is not learning a lesson. I recommend debt counseling....and tell him if he doesn't go he will have to find somewhere else to live. I know it sounds harsh, but you are doing him no service by letting him take advantage of you. Take care of yourself, and safeguard your own finances....you will be you did in days ahead.
2006-10-23 09:09:13 · answer #9 · answered by Rea 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
don't forget he is your son.......i think you should explain to him your situation &may be he will be man enough to understand.....even if he gives you $100 dollors a week.talk to him see if he is not taking advantage of you...if that is the case i say tell him straight up he better fork up the money he has no choice but to pay you other wise he can go & rent which will be a lot of money......good luck with that i hope it works out for both of you....
2006-10-23 09:16:09 · answer #10 · answered by Jazzy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋