Please be serious.My boyfriend and i have been together for 4 yrs,i thought we knew eachother well.it's NOTnew that i don't like stripclubs,pornos or things like that,& he knows i don't like him 2 c those things either & he didn't mind.This sat night him,his friends & i went out.After a while they wanted 2 go 2 another club.I didn't want 2 go cause i wasn't dressed appropriotly.So i said i'll go home & c him later.When i got home i had a bad feeling in my gut.For some reason i thought he had gone 2 the strip club accross from the club.So i got dressed & went2the club they were supposed2be at.Well they werent there but the car was.So i followed my gut & actually paid to get into the strip club, and my gut was correct.I love him but he clearly doesn't respect me or my wishes.He has been before so i'm not depriving him.He also got a virus on pc looking4Paris’s porno.Im a jealous&insecure person & he knows this.I asked if i didn't go would he of told me &he said no. ADVICE PLEASE?
2006-10-23 01:57:47 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I am the expert on this subject! I married a man like that and now i am paying for it. I thought that while we were in college and dating i could be laid back about the porn and strip clubs even though i didn't like it. I thought that if i acted cool about it then he would love me more because i was a cool chick. Now we are married and have a baby and on the edge of divorce because of his porn habits! You need to be straight with him about how it makes you feel and if he chooses to lie about and do it anyway RUN FAST!!!! You can't change him and i know you love him and have invested 4 years but if you don't stop this now then it will be a huge struggle if ya'll get married! Trust me on this because i am dealing with it now on a daily basis. Porn is an addiction and you will live the rest of your life scared that every time you go to bed he is up wackin' it to barely legal teen sluts or something. If i could turn back time i would have broke up with him the first time he lied about it and broke my trust, but now i am stuck trying to rehabilitate the love of my life who hurts me everyday. I have cried to many tears over this and if i can save another person from the heartache i will. Feel free to email me and give me more details, i am more than happy to give you all of my experiences!
2006-10-23 02:08:29 · answer #1 · answered by micah z 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He was honest with you, that is a plus. I have been to and worked in strip clubs and I have to tell you that you are much safer with him in a strip club than at the regular club you thought he was going to. The ladies in the real club are looking for men for a relationship, the ladies in the strip club are looking for dollars. That aside - men like to go to strip clubs and they like to watch porn, if you and he have a fundamental difference over this now and you cant deal with it then you will need to break up. I am sure this isnt the first time he and his friends have hit the clubs, and it wont be the last. You are not just asking him to change what he does, but expecting him to change the expectations of his friends. Good luck if you stay together, but you will have to learn to find a way to deal with him being a sexual being and liking to look at other women. Looking is normal and shouldnt be an issue as long as he isnt having sex with them.
2006-10-23 09:07:40 · answer #2 · answered by mraandmisse 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
All I can say is that I'm a jealous and insecure person too and won't let my husband watch porn or go to strip clubs. I don't even like when he looks at other woman on the street. I tell him that I know my thoughts are crazy and that deep down I really trust him. He knows how I feel and would never go to a club unless I went with him. If he did, our trust would be broken and I wouldn't be able to forgive him, but that's just me.
2006-10-23 09:01:52 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you want him to be honest with you then you just have to trust him. If you don't have trust in a relationship then you don't have much of a relationship. Boys will be boys and they like to look at woman even women other than their girlfriends. Unless he is obsessed with porn I don't think it should be a problem. The Paris Hilton tape.....I'm sure he was just curious. As for the strip club.....did his friends maybe pressure him into going? If his friends said they wanted to go then he can't really say no or he will look bad in front of his friends. That's just how guys are. They want to look macho in front of their friends. If he does it all the time then I think you should have a serious talk with him. And if it bothers you that much and he is not respecting your wishes then maybe he isn't the one for you. If you are very insecure maybe you need to be boyfriend free for a while until you "find yourself" and learn to like yourself for who you are. It's hard to be in a relationship with someone that is really insecure. And please remember this is all just my opinion.
2006-10-23 09:12:38 · answer #4 · answered by Beach bum 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I completely understand where you are coming from.But he is a guy. And he will go to strip clubs and stuff. You have to get over that. But it is totally wrong of him to say that he wouldn't have told you. That is disrespectful and mean. I understand that whole trust thing, but if you had done something that he didn't like and you told him that you wouldn't have told him. He would probably be pissed off. Guys don't understand that. They think that they can do whatever they want to do and we don't care. They HAVE to learn get over themself and they are not the only ones in the relationship. you just need to tell him it was the other way around, he would just as mad. and what he did was not right to you. He needs to respect you and respect what you like and don't like.
2006-10-23 09:06:56 · answer #5 · answered by *~*Ash*~* 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Okay, wow, where to start. I know how you feel about strips clubs, I'm the same way. I don't think it's because he doesn't respect you, maybe his friend is one of those one's who just doesn't stop asking until you do it. I'm not trying to make excuses for him, but you have to keep all possibilities open. Him not telling you could be good or bad. Good because he doesn't want to upset you or fight with you. Bad because he would have lied. Obviously, he needs to do something to make you feel good about yourself. I'd....seriously tell him how you feel. Beat on him if you have to. Ask him why he likes that sort of thing. Good Luck!
2006-10-23 09:11:57 · answer #6 · answered by Susan F 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Several issues here 1st you must try and deal with this insecurity. I think we all have it but some of us get consummed by it. I think every woman alive would rather that their man not be in a strip club or look at porn ont he internet. The internet alone has brought alot of hardships and unhappiness to many homes. I think you have to approach each dynamic of this from your own perspective. Instead of making him change you need to analize why you are feeling so insecure. By better understanding yourself you can change what you must to make life tolerable. THis may not even be the man you wnat to spend the rest of your life with.
2006-10-23 09:05:58 · answer #7 · answered by blueblossom33 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I feel the same way you do. If you can't satisfy his needs, then you need to leave. I am not saying that in a rude way, but sometimes a mans needs are more that us women can supply. This may be emotionally scaring you and you need to do something about it. If it takes walking out for a while for him to realize how special you are then that's what you need to do. It's not fair for you to have to suffer for his stupidity. You gave him his space and he violated your trust.... look at it that way.
The thing is if you don't do anything now it will only get worse for you!
2006-10-23 09:10:38 · answer #8 · answered by Jenna 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
SCREAM really loud at him. I feel the exact same way you do. It's degrading to us...the women who actually have REAL jobs. You need to have a serious talk with him after the screaming and tell him exactly how you feel. I tried just being controlling and it didn't work. You have to let him know exactly how it makes you feel everytime he does something of this matter. Tell him how insecure you are and hopefully it will knock some sense into him. Good Luck!
2006-10-23 09:05:42 · answer #9 · answered by It's a secret 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You're asking for advice so mine is.. get over it, loosen up and chill out. Men are visual creatures and there's nothing wrong with him going to a strip club with some mates now and then. Sheesh.. if you stayed at home and didn't cause a scene, you might have got a jolly good rogering when he got home but instead you had an argument. Stop acting like his mother and he may start treating you like his lover.
2006-10-23 09:03:38 · answer #10 · answered by punkvixen 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋