Is there something wrong with me if I don't like children?

Question

I know this question will probably provoke all kinds of crass and stupid replies but I wanted to ask anyway. I'm a healthy, normal mid-twenties woman and I have absolutely no desire to have children, now, or in the future. They annoy me greatly, I simply won't associate with people with children- up to the age of about thirteen or fourteen, I just have no interest in them whatsoever. Any ideas as to why this is? And am I the only one who thinks this?

Answer 1

I don't know how NORMAL it is but some women just don't have a maternal instinct.

Answer 2

I dare say that you are not the only person to think this way. Why do you stop associating with friends with children just because the kids annoy you? How do you know they will if you don't associate with them?

It's horses for courses really. Perhaps the reason why you find them so annoying is because you are in situations where the only children you experience are annoying. I agree, for example, that some children in restaurants are annoying, but that's the parents' responsibility on the whole, not the child's. Try inviting friends with children to your home or to an outside environment and see how they react. They will be far better behaved in that sort of place.

Not all children are annoying. Many are witty, clever, thoughtful, kind people if one takes the trouble to look. I too found other people's children annoying before I had my own and if it wasn't the kids themselves, it was the mums wittering on about their little darlings. But then I had my own children and I can honestly say that it's the best thing I ever did. They are my best friends as well as my most honest critics.

If you genuinely don't like children then that's that. Some people don't. But I wonder if you spent some time associating with your friends with children approaching it with an open mind whether your feelings towards other children at least would change.

Answer 3

No, there's nothing wrong with you at all. I'm exactly the same. What's so great about them? I don't know why people find it so odd that you might want to live your life without the hinderance, without having to stop for 18 years, just to sort somebody else out.

The amount of people who have kids, just because "it's what you do, innit!" What great parents those people become - an example to us all! At least YOU have had the sense to think about the 18 year committment BEFORE getting up the duff...

...And what's with the "you'll change your mind" business? It's bad enough from the people who actually know you and still question your self judgement, but when it comes from total strangers and passing acquaintances, it's just plain rude.

Yes, there are people out here who choose not to have children for a whole variety of reasons. Some are selfish - like maybe we want to do things with our own lives which would be more difficult, or impossible if we had kids. Some reasons are more in the interests of the rest of the world - overpopulation, drains on resources, look art the state of the world at the moment; is it fair to bring a kid into it?

Any which way the choice is your own. You're not mad, bad or stupid; in fact - if you're anything like me - you've got your head screwed on better than most.

No sleepless nights, dirty nappies, tantrums, expensive toys, school fees, bullying incidents, irrate teachers, teenage moods, gangs, drugs, irrate "other parents", paying a fortune for crappy clothes that will be outgrown in 6 months, crap music being played loudly, student fees, pregnancy scares, visits from the police, hordes of kids loafing round your house, phone bill extorsion, internet porn, stuggling to find childcare, vommiting, etc.

Answer 4

No, there's nothing wrong with you. And no, you are not the only one that thinks this way.

I am 30, married, and have a 1 yr old daughter. Until I was 28 or so I never thought of children, but I did play with them...for MAX an hour- then I was bored and ready to do something else.

2 things. You never know if you will change your mind about wanting kids. There is NOTHING wrong with never having them and there is NOTHING wrong with changing your mind.

I totally get how you wouldn't want to hang out with friends that have little kids...it's tough, and your friend's attention won't be on you. Once you have kids, it's never the same. Try not to alienate your friends or people with kids. I still see my friends, but when mu husband or a grandparent has the baby. If they had said something stupid to me like I don't want to associate with you anymore because youhave a kid I wouldn't keep them as a friend. SO, wtach out for strong opinions and if you have friends with kids TRY to balance out friend time where you get your friend and her attention and friend time where you SUPPORT your friend - even if that means playing with her kid for 20 minutes so she can take a shower. That's friendship...nothing to do with not liking or wanting kids...we all do things we don't enjoy...

Don't be hard on yourself and see what happens. FYI- I am thinking we will have just 1 kid, it's a LOT of work, it bores me to play games on the floor for 4 hours, and losing your freedom while being sleep deprived is lousy. None of these things make me a bad mother, just a normal person who is looking forward to her daughter being maybe 5 or so so we can do more stuff together than push balls on the floor ;-) Everyone is different and things are always changing.

Best wishes

Answer 5

Don't allow others to put you down because you know yourself. You sound like you're a strongly confident woman with direction in life. I think it's absolutely wonderful that you're committed to not having children that you know you don't want.

I'm not sure why everyone seems to think there is something wrong with a woman who doesn't want kids. Don't doubt yourself because others lack the strength to be as assured of their own decisions as you are of yours.

Continue living your life the way that feels right, and you should have no problems. Whatever you do, when people make those nasty and crass comments about you based on this, remember they don't have to walk in your shoes, and clearly they must be threatened by someone so confident.

~The Mom of Two Wonderful Kidlets

Answer 6

Who is to say what is normal or not. There are no rules as to what a female should or should not do and if you do like children then that is OK. It would be a shame if all women were the same. I have two children and at times they drive me mad but i could not be without them. There are those who are great at being an at home mum but i am not one of those i need to work just so i can be me not mum. Do what is best for you and no-one else. Hopefully you can do all the things that mothers would like to do but can't because they have kids. Have a wonderful free from kids future.

Answer 7

I think like this to a point. Some peoples kids I like. For Short periods of time though. I may want a kid one day. But I dont know yet. I can't give them back to anyone. You may change your mind later. I don't have that big desire and never did until a friend went through pregnancy. I had the "baby" desire for a bit , now its gone again. Nothing wrong with you. Right now May not be the time in your life where you want one. you may never want any, and that is perfectly fine.
I can't stand going into stores with people and their screaming kids. Maybe mine would be different, I dont know and IM not ready to find out.
I think its normal.

Answer 8

My ex was exactly the same as you. She hated kids and used to make fake puking sounds and actions when ever children were mentioned in a converssation. I believe that she was just very imature and possibly because she was the youngest of three sisters. I think kids are great and being the eldest I have grown up with a little sister to look after and had my cousins crawling all over me from a very early age. I think it depends on how you have been brought up, If you have been the baby of the family and not had much contact with cousins and younger siblings I think that you could subconcsly think that children might steal your lime light. I dont know but you should get over it as it is surely everones goal in life to have a family and to see your grand children. Im 28 and need to get a move on I dont want to be an old father.

Answer 9

Good grief. You're ready to be round kids after the age of 13? That's absolutely the worst time. No wonder you don't want to know about kids.
The thing about the kids you know is that they are all other people's kids. Show me somebody who likes other people's kids and I'll show you a liar. Other people's teenage kids, that's just cruel and unusual!
I don't think it's odd not to want children. I wish there were more people prepared to admit it, more people who choose not to go with the flow. Kids are a major responsibility and not for everybody but, sadly, people who would not be allowed to drive a car or own a firearm are permitted to have kids. It's insane.
Not everybody wants to become a priest, not everybody wants to join the army, not everybody sees themselves as an insurance salesman. Parenthood is not obligatory either.

Answer 10

I used to dislike children until I had my own. As for "not associating with people who have children" I think that makes you sound a little selfish. That's like saying if your best friend had a baby, you would no longer be her friend. Or if you met the "perfect" guy who you fell for, if he had children you would run. Really...it sounds selfish. And I don't think it's normal to be THAT EXTREME!! I can understand YOU not wanting to have children, but avoiding those who have chosen to have children isn't right.
There are a few people I know that are similar to you in some ways. Only one I know whom is almost exactly like you. She despised children. However, she dated a man with a child. She was so JEALOUS of that kid when he was around. She gave him the meanest looks as though she would want to KILL him!!! Needless to say...she was a very selfish, uncaring woman. The relationship did NOT last.
And really.....weren't YOU a kid once!?!?

Answer 11

There is nothing at all wrong with you. You think exactly the way I feel about children. Some people love them; I feel they are very annoying until they are old enough to hold a sensible conversation and then they must be well behaved and disciplined. Like I said some people love them others don't.