Should women walk out on there kids and a marriage to become a lesbian and have a lesbian relationship? i feel this is not right atol. why have kids and be married if you want women?
2006-10-23 01:51:05 · 34 answers · asked by Sara R 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
think some folk got the wrong idea. i am not the one walking out. it is a situation i know of and the person thinks its right and im trying to prove it aint.
2006-10-23 03:01:13 · update #1
SOme people claim they dont know they are lesbians until later in life, some people dont have the guts to admit it and then find they cant live a lie so they have to leave..different reasons, why should any mother walk out on her children?
2006-10-23 01:54:13 · answer #1 · answered by beth 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
If the marriage isn't working, people get divorced. Would you be questioning this if she left for another man? Yeh, probably you'd just be questioning the in fidelity and the not ending the marriage before taking up with someone else - at least that's the thing I might have a bit of an issue about. But, it's not my life, so it's not my place to judge. Custody is another issue. If this was a heterosexual infidelity, the only thing that'd matter was the ability of each parent to offer the children loving, stable homes. That's called shared custody. Homosexual infidelity has nothing to do with parenting. I think you should think about this situation in these terms, not judge, and not get involved.
As for why some people marry, have kids, and then fully realize that they are never going to be straight no matter how hard they try... well, that's called societal pressure and religious pressure and everything else that says being gay is wrong. At a certain point, you realize that not only are you living an empty life trying to be straight but you're also cheating your husband/wife out of a more fulfilling relationship with someone who feels the things that you never will.
Have you considered that there's a high probability that this woman is not making a selfish choice, but one that is also in the best interest of her family as well? Maybe you should open your mind to the very many issues that probably lead to this woman's decision. Maybe it'd also help if you gave some thought as to how much you'd appreciate someone butting in on your personal life decisions. Btw, abandoning your children is always a horrible act. My guess, tho, is that she is not doing that, at least not by her choice. If she is, her sexuality has nothing to do with it (and I can't say much of anything positive about anyone who abandons their kids).
2006-10-23 05:34:50 · answer #2 · answered by Alex62 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
This has nothing to do with being a lesbian in my opinion.
I feel it's wrong for anyone to walk out of a relationship where there are young children involved. Unfortunately this happens all the time in a heterosexual context. In my view, those people should have thought about this before they got married and had kids.
For your other question: I can't really answer that. Maybe the woman didn't realise she was a lesbian before she got married? Or perhaps she thought that marriage could "cure" her of being gay? In any case the reason doesn't matter that much to me, as I think that the children should come first. Like heterosexuals these women shouldn't let their own issues and stuff stand in the way of a family life for their children. People are so selfish nowadays...
2006-10-23 01:59:03 · answer #3 · answered by Judith 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
OMG!!!!!!!!! The people who think this woman is being selfish should ask themselves why she felt pressured into marrying in the first place. 50% of the marriages in Britain end in divorce and that doesn't account for the people who just split and don't divorce.
What kind of a life would those children have growing up with miserable parents??? I agree that if she has feelings for someone else, regardless of gender, then she shouldn't be with her current partner. However, this does not mean that she has to walk out on her children. They will develop a much healthier sense of identity if both parents are happy and can support them fully as they grow into adulthood.
In addition to this, just because a woman is a lesbian does not make her immune to wanting children! You speak about your friend as though she woke up one morning and, just to be controvertial, decided to be a lesbian. Hello! your friend has probably suffered all kinds of emotional and psychological torment whilst in the closet, not only about who she really is but also with the additional stress that the effects admitting her sexuality might have on her children. I'm sure the last thing she needs is a 'friend' like you openly condemning her on the internet.
I think the most important question which you failed to ask yourself is, does this woman love her kids and is she a good mother. Bear in mind that you don't have to be married or heterosexual for the answer to that to be yes!
2006-10-23 08:39:58 · answer #4 · answered by Atlanta 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I dont think it is as easy as that. The woman has probably been considering what to do for the best when she realises she is a lesbian.
There were obvious things wrong with the marriage/relationship for the woman to have fallen in love with someone else.
The woman obviously thought she was going to be with this man for life so they had kids. Feelings and emotions always say something different when relationships start to fail. You cannot stop how you feel for long.
I think its better to leave a bad relationship than to stay. It I am sure will be much better for the kids in the long run.
2006-10-24 07:27:45 · answer #5 · answered by earth8ngel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a wonderful question but I don't think you can blame this on being gay. I understand how you or your friend must feel but this question goes to most sexes. How can anyone walk out on their spouse and children for another person?
It is part of the selfish ways of the human animal! They, us, you, we, all believe there is something better on the other side! 'The grass is greener on the other side'?
When we are un-happy, no matter what it's about, we tend to go after the first thing that makes us feel better instead of attempting to make corrections in our lives and make it work! Chocolate is easier to eat than liver! Sugar is easier to swallow than medicine and running away is easier than facing our problems. However, it doesn't make things easier for our health if we only eat Chocolate and never eat liver. We will never get rid of some illnesses if we eat sugar instead or our medicine! And we will just keep running from everything and everyone until we stop and face what is usually just a small issue anyway!
I have been guilty of a couple of these things myself, but the one thing I do know, is a happy medium of all will make you strong, healthy and wise.
Learn by the mistakes of this person, grow above what they have done to you, and teach your children to except the good and the bad!
Be wise, little one, and my thoughts are with you!
Blessed Be!
2006-10-23 02:17:25 · answer #6 · answered by wonderingmom 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Because they were told by everyone around them for years and years that dykes and *** are gunna burn in hell, so they decided to try to pretend to be straight. They tried to conform to what everyone else told them was the only right way to go until they've just had enough. Unfortunately as people get older more people start to get involved, like spouces and children. I'll agree that the children should never be abondoned, but that's not what happens all the time. Look how many divorced couples take care of their kids, whether the break-up was because of sexuality or infidelity or one of a million other reasons. Women don't just wake up one day and decide "Today I'll ruin my family's perfect lives."
2006-10-23 02:48:36 · answer #7 · answered by carora13 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Its never right for any parent to walk out on their kids. However heterosexual men and women do it all the time. But since your question is specifically about women, the answer is no. She should take her children with her.
However having said that, she might be rationalizing that the children are better off with the father, whether true or not. She might be thinking that she doesn't want to take them out of the school they are in or the friends they are with, and she might really be thinking of the kids. If she is so unhappy that she cannot cope with a loveless marriage any longer, she might be thinking that the children shouldn't have to do without because of it. I don't think we should rush to judge her motivations without knowing them fully. No woman leaves her children easily, and if she does, then they are better off without her.
2006-10-23 03:25:00 · answer #8 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This is very complex. A lesbian woman of course has a right to her life as a lesbian woman, but would clearly have responsibilities to maintain toward their children, and to some degree, the father of her children.
However, the situation is unlikely to be as easy or simple as that, for instance she may face rejection from her family making it more or less impossible to meet said responsibilities. This unfortunately does happen, and to add to the pain and upset of being rejected the mother is then often both blamed for the rejection she faces and blamed for being irresponsible for not supporting her family.
Complex, very complex.
2006-10-23 04:11:09 · answer #9 · answered by tysonian22 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It's never right to walk out on your kids whether you're lesbian, bi or anything else. You should put your kids first, and if leaving is the only solution then that's that. Sexuality is not a reason.
2006-10-25 00:42:16 · answer #10 · answered by jacquikuk 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋